


High Hopes

by ifiOnlyhadmorePaper



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Daddy Issues, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Excessive Drinking, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Healthy Relationships, Help, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inspired by Music, Love, Love at First Sight, Mental Health Issues, Mommy Issues, Musicians, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Therapy, True Love, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 79,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifiOnlyhadmorePaper/pseuds/ifiOnlyhadmorePaper
Summary: AU: Beca Mitchell and Chloe Beale meet by chance when both of their lives seem to be falling apart. They fall in love, but it's not that easy when there are a lot of insecurities and problems that need to be addressed."This felt different, whatever it was had woken something else up inside of her like the way her eyes had the day they met. Beca imagined that the word 'revive’ was barely enough to cover the warmth that made it's way everywhere across her limbs. But ‘revive’ would have to do for now."





	1. Beca

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, starshine, the earth says hello! If you read my last story you'll be getting small updates on where that's at and eventually a release date. This story is heavily angsty and if you are triggered by depression, past sexual abuse, alcoholism, and heavy thoughts of suicide, DO NOT read it. The updates might be pretty far from each other so if it takes me a while to post a new chapter, you have my sincerest apologies. Enjoy!

* * *

 

**September 1st, 2012**

**“Mama? Mama?” She wandered through the halls of her home, barefoot in a small blue nightgown, pacing in the cool mid morning air. “Mama?” She called for her but she wasn't getting an answer. As she approached the living room the hairs on her arms stood up.**

**“Daddy, where's mama?” She walked closer to him, his head in his hands as he gently shook on the edge of the sofa. “Daddy?” she was right in front of him now, hearing his choked breaths. He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes were red and his nose was sore. He wiped his face and he cleared his throat.**

**“Hey, you.” He sat her on his lap and his arm was securely wrapped around her. “How's it goin’, honey?” she could smell the bitter whiskey on his breath. He was drunk.**

**“It's good. I can't find mama, where is she?” her innocent face contorted into a frown when her dad let out a small sob. “Why are you crying?” He cleared his throat again and looked at her. The sadness in his eyes sent a cold chill through her, something was off.**

**“Mama-” he cleared his throat one more time to help his hoarse voice. “Mama went somewhere.” he grasped her little fingers and held them tight as he shook harder and wiped his face again with the back of his hand.**

**“Don't cry, daddy, she'll be back.”**

…...

Her eyes opened with a quick whip of her head, panting and in cold sweat. Her baby hairs stuck to her forehead with the smell of anxiety coming off of her like a perfume. She rolled over to the empty side of the bed facing the window.

She scowled seeing the light pouring through the cracks of the blinds. She hated the way the sun peeked into her room, it reminded her that it was tomorrow and tomorrow was a constant curse. She ran her hand over the bumps in the sheets, feeling the coolness of the absence. She rolled back over onto her back, and stared blankly at the ceiling, seeing the small unpainted patch where the roof used to leak.

She heard what could only have been the sound of tires against asphalt, followed by a streak of light passing over the wall. _And so it begins._ She sat up and looked around the room. _Let's go._ She pulled on the same jeans she wore almost every day and she talked herself downstairs.

All her things, meaning the one box, a suitcase, and a guitar, were taken from the shed in the backyard, and loaded up into a little truck, that she would climb into and get away. She thought she would creep out, but then she saw him in the kitchen, looking for a bowl and settling for a cup instead of washing one.

He turned around at the sound of her sudden appearance in the kitchen and stared at her for a second, tired and most likely still drunk. She wasn't sure if she would just walk out without so much as a look, or if she would run for the hills.

She felt disgusting in his presence. She felt dirty and ashamed, she didn't speak up for herself and stop it. She couldn't forgive herself for not stopping when she could.

“Where you goin’, huh?” David Mitchell stood against the counter, shoveling his Corn Pops into his mouth _. You gonna do it today, or are you gonna wait till mom gets home?_ Some milk dribbled down his stubbled chin, she shuddered looking at him. She detested the way he stood there, with no weight. Must be so easy. He smelled like yesterday's hangover.

She tried not to breathe in his musk. She tried not feel him against her, she tried not to think about it. A car horn honked from outside, she didn't look back, she ran as fast as she possibly could out the front door. When she slammed the truck door, she saw him stumble out to the front yard and then the truck's tires peeled off fast from the pavement making a loud squeal.

She closed her eyes, she kept her hand palm down on the door, and the other clutching the bottom of the seat, and pressed herself into it hard. She let out a few shallow breaths, she felt tears rushing up to her eyes, but she was _not_ about to cry another tear. She was done with that.

She took in a deep breath and looked over to the driver. The tall brunette was focused on the road ahead, her knuckles were white with the grip on the wheel. “Thanks for coming back for me, Stace.” Beca finally said, facing out the window at the overcast sky. She felt nothing. Wasn't she supposed to feel free?

“I told you I would,” she prompted, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from her purse on the floor. “So I did.” She lit her cigarette and blew the smoke up. Beca just nodded, accepting her forward response, knowing there was so many different lovey dovey cliché things she wanted to say about it, but it just wasn't the time for a chick flick moment.

She and Stacie had been best friends since she was five, like sisters even, she was a safe person to be around. She listened and that was something Beca was entirely new to. No one just listened to her, but Stacie did. School had never been easy, but there Stacie was, in all her crude and upfront glory.

A lot of kids had their mommy's and daddy's, and the picturesque model of a functional family, but Beca didn't. Stacie was there right in front of her, all the way to highschool. And Beca was forever grateful, even more so now.

They drove out of Yonkers, passing by the little businesses and looking at all the lights, as the night fell over the city and the moon hung full in the sky. Beca let her mind drift into a deep sleep.

……

**“No! Somebody help me, please!”**

……

“Beca!” She was snatched from her sleep and brought back to consciousness. “We're here.” She got out of the truck and stood on the sidewalk. She stared up at the place and she could say it was the least bit more appealing in person. She was sure something was wrong with it for coming at such a low price, haunted probably if she were to bet on it. But beggars can't be choosers. “Welcome to Tompkins County.”

“Thanks.” She didn't mean to sound like such a bummer all the time, but after pretending for so long she just stopped pretending and that's all she really had left.

She followed her in with the box.

“I got a few old things, just to make it liveable.” she saw an old leather couch, a table with mismatched chairs, a few end tables, and one lamp. She felt the tears coming on, but instead she just turned around and faced her friend.

“Thank you.” Beca said and Stacie's arms wrapped around her protectively, she looked up and saw Stacie's eyes tear up. She hugged her tighter before letting go. Beca wasn't too big on physical affection. So the shorter the hugs, the better. She continued to explore the little loft. She finally got to the bedroom, no bed frame, one small dresser in the corner.

“Do you need a minute?” Stacie asked, seeing her touch the dresser so lightly with her fingertips, as if she would break it by letting her whole hand come down on it.

“Yeah.” Stacie nodded a closed her door. She flopped down onto the mattress on the floor. It was a different room, in a different place, but it still felt the same. The place was desolate and isolated just like Beca. Solace and cold with it's monotone shades. She wished to be alone every single birthday after another, but she didn't expect it to feel so empty. But it was and that was fine by her, the emptier the better.

 

* * *

 

 

**November 13th, 2016**

This place is a nightmare. Or at least her head is. She needed to feel what it was like to be 'free’, but she wasn't really free, she had the weight of the silence crushing her and berating her. Being alone had a lot of perks like great acoustics, privacy, and alone time obviously. It also had a lot of downsides like the loud silence, thinking, remembering, and _a lot_ of alone time. But she was alone, just like she wanted.

……

**“Don’t do that.” David slurred, glaring at her as she set the plate down at the table at the in the vacant spot.**

**“It’s for mom.” she said putting it there anyway. She always put the spare plate in her spot just in case, one day she miraculously walked through the door and back into their lives.** **_Please._ ** **She thought sitting across from the empty chair.**

**“You know she isn’t coming back.” he scowled at her hope. She quietly moved her food across her plate. “Take it back.” he said in a flat tone. She ignored him and hoped he’d just drop it and get lost. “Take it back, goddamnit!”**

**“No.” she said calmly. She was scraping at the skin on her thighs with a fork, clenching her jaw shut as she felt blood begin to seep out of her skin. He stood up and through the plate across the kitchen, hearing the glass shatter. She flinched when he stood close to her in rage.**

**“She’s never coming back, you hear!** **_She_ ** **doesn’t want us, she doesn't want you!”**

……

“No!” she sat up fast and angry, the dream left her out of breath. She ran her hands through her hair and let out a slow breath as she laid back down. She spotted the orange pill bottles on the end table in her peripheral vision. She reached over to the bottles, grabbing the closest one. She studied it's exterior for the millionth time.

Seeing the prescription written on the side of the worn out label and reading her name there on only one bottle, she opened it poured one pill into her hand. She held it between her forefinger and thumb, holding it above her face over her nose right between her eyes, she was taking pills like they were candy. _Did you think about it today? You’re not waiting for mom anymore, you have the perfect chance._

Every day felt like one of those dreams where she was alone and the rest of the world was gone. Except the world existed outside the door, and the dream? It was all in her head. The sun was already setting and the day was coming down and winding to an end. She eyed the bong sitting on the counter in the kitchen for just a second, and then she was there with it up to her mouth. She took three big hits and jumped into some clothes and walked out to face the world. She got in her little beater car and she was off.

 

* * *

 

 

“How we doin’ tonight? Ready for your set?” Stacie asked her as they worked behind the bar. She got a job at a small pub with Stacie and a few other faces she knew. It wasn't her first option, but she needed to pay rent if she wanted to keep living there every month. If gigs and singing were as good as it was going to get then, hey, she was doing pretty alright for a girl her size.

“Not really, this is my last set.”

“Sure it is,” Stacie said dismissing her attempt to quit. “You said that last time.” she smirked at Beca and turned back to the notepad next to the register. Well she _was_ right, Beca threatened to stop singing a million different times and each time was the last time. She loved it, if she was being honest, but she didn't like to say it. Music was always something she wanted to do.

She came in for an open mic with a few buddies, and management thought: 'Hey why the hell not?' And booked her for nights. A few covers mostly, open mics, and on occasions, when she felt like she had something to say, she'd do an original. “What’s up short stuff?” Beca stopped wiping the counters.

“Just-” _she has enough to worry about._ “Just stress. That’s all.” she continued to wipe away the spare crumbs on the bar and put the rag back over her shoulder.

“Stress?” she asked while putting cash into the register, she looked away from the bills being passed through her hands and looked at Beca.

“Yup.” she said and turned quickly to a customer. She was back in the back room with her head in her hands, staring blankly at the floor. _What are you doing here?_ She had no clue, she didn't know what she was doing. It was all new territory still. She was tired of faking it back when she lived with her father, but here she was still faking it.

“Look,” Beca jumped hearing Stacie’s voice out of nowhere, she was standing across the way looking at her. “If you need some time off, take it. Whatever you got goin’ on there,” she pointed her finger and moved it in a circular motion, referring to Beca’s current mood. “Take care of it, it’s important.” Beca just glowered down at the floor.

Nothing about her was important. Stacie dropped down to her knees in front of her and barrelled right through her barrier for a second. Stacie knew her like she knew the anatomy of a keg. She knew where the boundaries lie and she when to push them and when not to, but a little push might not be that bad. “I know you're not a big talker, but seriously, _I am here._ You just gotta say the word.”

“I don’t know, Stace, I think I’m just gonna quit-”

“Quit? You’re Beca Effin Mitchell,” she got close and put her hands on her knees, looking Beca deep in her tired, red eyes. “Beca Effin’ Mitchell doesn’t quit. You got this.” she winked at the end of her statement. “Now come on,” she patted her knees. “You gotta get up there.” she got up and walked out with her guitar on stage, nodding towards the other guitarists and the drummer.

They set up their mics and did a sound check. “We good?” she looked back and asked them before turning back towards the mic. “Hey, everyone, how we doin’ tonight?” the large crowd cheered, she saw Stacie yelling from the bar. “Well, thanks for comin’ out tonight,” the crowd continued to cheer, she felt slightly overwhelmed with the sight. “I’m Beca and we are,” the band behind her getting started, opening with a riff.

“Deaf Jew!” they all screamed into their mics and she started into the song. The music muted the sounds coming from her thoughts. She got lost in the crowd, it the rhythms and harmonies coming from her band mates. She turned and looked at the drummer, Lilly, who gave a wide toothy smile, seeing her little frame behind a huge drum set, pounding away at a rhythm like always. She looked back out to the crowd and she threw her one hand up into the air. This was free.

 

* * *

 

 

She finished her set and then open mic started. She clocked out and grabbed her bag. “See, you did fine, now don’t come back until you’re ready. Text me when you get in.” Stacie said serving someones drink, watching Beca walk out the door. She gave her a small wave and pushed the door open.

She rolled down her window and pitched her cigarette ash out onto the road. _You’re tired of faking it, I know it._ She let out a heavy sigh as she pulled into the parking lot of her small and crappy place. She opened the door and the smell of old marijuana smoke hit her with a waft of loneliness.

 _You don’t have to make excuses to stay, I mean you don’t know a lot of people_ . She stared at the pill bottles on the end table. Bottoms up. She swallowed them down with some left over beer next to her bed. _So you’ll take enough to feel like nothing, but you won’t to just become nothing?_ She shook her head and closed her eyes, she just needed it to be over.

* * *

 


	2. Chloe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick little tip, the P.O.V.'s will change between the both of them. Happy reading!

* * *

 

**January 4th, 2016**

Her eyes slowly opened to the sound of someone shuffling around in the room. It was still dark out, it couldn't have been _that_ late. She glanced at the digital clock, without moving her head, it _was_ that late. Or that early, if she wanted to get technical. She was used to it. She closed her eyes and listened, as the man who occupied the other half of this bed crawled under the blankets. She knew what he was doing, but it wasn't in her best interest to ask about it.

He might’ve been out being 'the man’, but he came back smelling more like 'the woman’. _A_ woman, named Janice, to be exact. She felt his arm wrapped around her waist, his skin felt like a nightmare. She stayed as still as she possibly could. She wouldn't move, she wouldn't so much as breathe until she was sure he was asleep. She was tired of this complacency.

……

**“No, Tom, I won't. I'm leaving.” She shoved past him, moving the strap of her purse further up her shoulder.**

**“Chloe,” she kept walking, hearing her steps, walking to the beat of a rhythm in her head. “Baby, where are you going?” He pulled on her wrist and she quickly yanked away.**

**“** ** _Don't_ ** **call me that.” Her voice was steady and beyond furious, you could probably smell the blood boiling under her skin. She wouldn't yell, she didn't like to raise her voice, but the glare she wore on her face was enough to shake up a man. She kept walking, she was almost to the door.**

**“Chloe, wait.” She was pulled by her wrist and into a kiss. She pushed off, the fury in her was fierce.**

**“No! How could you do that to us, Tom?** **_You_ ** **said you would take care of us,** **_you_ ** **said I had nothing to worry about, what do** **_you_ ** **have to say now, Tom?”**

…...

The loud sounds of the alarm pulled her eyelids apart. She looked up at the ceiling, she focused in on the noise of the clock. She laid there for just a second, just listening to the loud beeping, wondering if _that_ was what she sounded like that night they fought. Did she even get through to him at all? What was she still doing here? “Chloe?” She heard Tom, and reached over, and pressed the top of the clock until she heard the click, and it stopped.

She put her hand up to the light, she looked at window at all the big buildings. She sat up and contemplated skipping out on work for the day to sit on the fire escape. “Chloe?” She gave a heavy inaudible sigh and pulled herself off the bed. She walked over to the bathroom and robotically grabbed for the toothpaste and put the toothbrush in her mouth.

She lazily pulled and scraped the bristles across her teeth, she leaned down to spit and rinse and she got back up to see Tom standing behind her.

“Oh!” She dropped her toothbrush into the sink and she put her hand over her chest.

“Good morning, baby.” He grinned and leaned in for a kiss. She payed no attention and reached for the mouth wash. “How did you sleep?” She spit into the sink and walked out to the room. She reached for her towel and a slipped into her bathrobe.

“How did _you_ sleep?” She said flatly narrowing her eyes at him. She walked past him and lightly pushed him out the bathroom.

 _'How did you sleep?’ he's so stupid. Why do you even bother?_ She pulled the shower curtain away aggressively and dried off. She leaned forward into the mirror and stared at herself for a second. She walked out to the room.

Tom was sitting there on the bed with his grey tie, he looked like a six year old. His tongue was sticking out and he spotted her. “A little help?” She walked over and he stood up. She still didn't look at him. She focused on the task at hand. “What's for dinner tonight?”

“Why don't you ask _Janice_.” She retorted and started walking away.

“Chloe, what are you talking about?” She started pulling the comforter and the sheets off of the bed. “I thought you washed those yesterday?”

“I did,” She said, gathering it all up and walking out the small room across the hall. “But you stunk them up.”

“Um, I think that was you, baby.” He laughed, as he stood in the doorway. She turned around, still not looking at him.

“I don't wear De Jour.” She sat on the bed and looked out at the wall. The silence carried for a minute. “Is this _ever_ going to stop?”

“What are you talking about, Chloe?”

“The lying, the cheating, the sneaking around, and coming back at _three_ in the _fucking_ morning-”

“I wasn't-” she stood up fast from the bed and walked up to him and she slapped his chest.

“Yes! Yes, you were! I was awake! I heard you come in! I sleep in the same bed you do, I could smell you!” She chuckled bitterly. “Well not you, _Janice_ .” She laughed and prodded at the inside of her cheek with her tongue.

“Unless _you_ wear _women's_ perfume. It would only make sense if you did, because you're not _man_ enough to tell me that you're sleeping with your assistant, and you don't have the _balls_ to say it-” all of the sudden she was falling to the floor. She was propped on one elbow and she held the part of her face that stung.

“Oh my God… Chloe, baby, I'm sorry.” He picked her up off the ground. “Oh God, oh jeez. Baby, I'm sorry.” She was pulled into his arms, but she didn't protest. She just stood there against him. “I'm sorry, you just-” he stopped talking and rested his chin on her head. “You just made me so angry, I just… I'm sorry.” He kissed her forehead and held her there.

She didn't cry. She was just in utter shock that he would hit her. They were supposed to be in love, and he's managed to do everything wrong, and on top of everything, he hit her. Her precious Tom hit her, he was supposed to be the night and shining armor, _her_ Tom never would have done this.

She wasn't egging him on, she wasn't trying to get a rise out of him, she was trying to get the _truth_ out of him. But had she really made him that angry? Did she really push him over the edge like that? All she knew was that it wasn't what she had signed up for. Not anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

**November 13th, 2016**

“Come on, Chlo, just for a little while.” She felt guilty at the sound of her best friends pleading.

“Okay. We'll go, just let me clock out.” Her friend squealed and bumped her with her shoulder.

“Yay!” She whispered yelled as they walked through the call center. She grabbed her purse from the small cubicle and stared at her desk for a minute. She saw how everything was in it's exact place, and then she looked at the frame on her desk. It was a picture of her and Tom at the beach. She felt a sudden twinge of pain looking at it. “You okay?” She snapped out of immediately and clicked on her friendly smile.

“Yeah, of course.” She looked at Aubrey's doubtful face one more time. She needed a little more convincing. She hooked their arms together and she smile wider. “Let's go.”

 

* * *

 

 

They went out for coffee, Aubrey with her caramel macchiato with a double shot of espresso, and Chloe with her pumpkin chai. “You don't get sick of that stuff?” Aubrey teased smelling the seasonal drink from across the table.

“Nope.” Chloe said taking a sip with a wide grin.

“It smells like Thanksgiving threw up in your cup.” Chloe laughed. Aubrey leaned over the table and put her hands across their half drank beverages, and grabbed for Chloe's hands. “Thanks for coming out with me,” She looked at her with a warm familiar smile, her cheeks were just the right amount of pink, and her lips the same, all framed with the blondest hair.

Aubrey was a lovely thing to have in life. Chloe felt so grateful that she had stumbled up her all those years ago. Aubrey had been around since Chloe used to attend a small college in Baton Rouge. They managed to stay connected, and get to work at a call center in Newark. “I haven't seen you in forever.”

They've known each other for seven years, they've told each other everything. Chloe even helped Aubrey with her bulimia in college. They'd always been close. “I missed you.”

She feels guilty about it, about not wanting to go out for coffee in the first place. She knew Aubrey wasn't one to really get emotional or be 'soft’, as she put it, she just wanted to see her friend. Chloe tried to shove away her gloom and give the blonde across from her some reassurance.

“You miss me? We work at the same place, silly.” Chloe held her hand back and gave the most genuine smile she could muster and giggled.

“Well, yeah,” Aubrey started, her lips curved into a small pout. “It's just that it feels like we haven't really talked like this much, and I just kind of miss it.” Chloe's smile faltered a little and she held tighter.

“I'm sorry, it's just the wedding and work-”

“No, yeah, I get it.” Aubrey gave her a tight squeeze, and the fact that she let it go so fast gave Chloe some sort of relief. “So, speaking of the wedding, it's coming so soon, and I had some ideas for your bachelorette after the wedding rehearsal.” Aubrey prompted and Chloe nodded along, listening intently.

“What I was thinking is that we could ditch the whole going out part, and we drink out of my mini bar and watch some rom-coms.” she smiled wide enough to wipe all other emotions off her face. She could still feel the guilt, thick in her throat and hot at her fingertips. Was she a bad friend?

“Sounds wonderful, Bree.” She looked outside, seeing the evening sky through the coffee shop window. “Hey, Bree, what time is it?” She hoped that she still had time or that Tom had gone out with the guys.

“It's…” she pulled her phone from the pocket of her yellow coat. “A little past seven-thirty.” Chloe's stomach caved in, she thought she was going to throw up. She could feel the color disappearing from her face.

“I'm so sorry, Bree, but I have to go.” She started grabbing her bag and putting her jacket back on, as she stood from her chair.

“It's okay, it's late, and I'll see you for all the pre-wedding stuff, which we _have_ to get on before the big day, not to alarm you, but it's almost in a week.” Aubrey stood too and she pulled Chloe into a big hug. As much as it would've been endearing, it wasn't, considering Chloe had to be home, like, yesterday. “It was really nice to catch up.”

“It was, we'll do again, I promise.” She let go and looked at her with all the strength she had, knowing that if she looked Aubrey in the eye, she'd see what was happening, but she did it anyway. “Love you.”

“Love you too, get home safe.” She practically ran out of the coffee shop. She threw her bag into the passengers side and she was off before she could even buckle up. She was shaking so hard, if she hadn't been gripping the wheel so tight, she would look like she was tweaking.

She had to be home before Tom was. She learned quickly that he didn't like to be kept waiting. The universe seemed against her, she was getting every red light. She was almost speeding home, she could feel her senses prepare themselves as she pulled onto her street. She couldn't keep her eyes off her engagement ring. Vera Wang looks nice and extravagant on everyone, but Chloe hated how this particular ring looked on her finger. She looked at it like it was some kind of cursed object. Which it was to her, in a way.

Her shaky hand reached out to open the door. The amount of fear that ran through her body was immeasurable, she turned the door with one final breath. She walked into the apartment, careful and vigilant. She got to the end of the hall and looked over to the dinner table. There he was.

“Where were you?” he said looking into his glass and then up at her. Staring with the most serious, and menacing, look in his face. The way his eyebrows sat so heavily over his soulless, brown eyes. She opened her mouth, the words failing to come out. The fear only grew with the look burning through her head.

“Aubrey and I went for coffee-” her voice was small and quiet, like if he was directly in hearing range.

“Without telling me?” he stood from the table, he swirled the drink in his cup, the ice cubes clinked together.

“I didn't- I didn't think I'd be out so long-” he was standing right in front of her, his height towered over hers.

“You mean to tell me, that I work so hard and I bust my ass for you, and that you didn't think about taking care of _me?”_ she said nothing, she just stood there, her whole body was shaking. She still didn't have an answer for him, but it was too late. He struck her down, and she fell to the floor and whimpered, holding back the loud sob building in her throat.

“How do you want to have a family, when you can barely take care of one person, Chloe?” he stood over her, drinking from his cup. She cowered under him, not making eye contact, looking down at her engagement ring.He held out his hand she blindly grasped it as he picked her up off the ground.

He forced a kiss on her, she could taste his rum and coke on his tongue, along with his assistant. She could smell her on him, her perfume. Chanel No.5, it used to be _Chloe's_ trademark smell, but now it was just his way of trying to mask what she already knew he was doing. Or who. She felt such a strong sense of anger, and sadness, and guilt, she pushed him off. He tried to make their lips meet again, but she stood firm not moving. He pushed her into the wall, hard.

“What’s the matter, you don’t want me?” she turned her face away from him, he gripped his hand on her chin squeezing her cheeks. He was breathing heavily in her face, she could feel the smoke of the fire in his lungs on her skin. He pushed her away, she fell onto the floor. She watched him step back over her, and out the door with the keys. _You’re marrying him._ She let her silent tears roll down her face, laying on the floor.

* * *

 


	3. Chloe

* * *

 

**November 19th, 2016**

**“Do you, Chloe Beale, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” she looked at the minister and then back at Tom. She felt excruciating pain in all her limbs, she let go of their joined hands and looked down at her own. She watched as her arm grew swollen and her skin was painted black and blue with bruises.**

**“Do you, Chloe Beale, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” she felt an unknown force hit her stomach. Knocking the air out of her. She bent down onto the floor, she was there on all fours coughing.**

**All of the sudden, she was coughing up blood all on the train of her wedding gown. “Do you, Chloe Beale, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”**

**“Somebody help!” she screamed, hunching over again. She felt sharp pains in her chest and her lungs, her ribs were broken. She collapsed gasping for air, blood gushing out of her side.**

**“Do you, Chloe Beale, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”**

……

Her eyes slowly opened at the sound of her alarm. _Today is the day._ “Chloe? You awake yet?” She heard a knock on the door, she rolled over on her side and leaned on her elbow as the door opened.

“Hey, Bree.” She yawned.

“Dum-dum-du-dum” she sang the wedding march walking into her room. “Are you ready to start the day, future Mrs.Tom Balery?” _no._ She hated how that sounded. It was so disgusting to hear, it even made her aura feel sick if that was even possible.

“Yeah!” She smiled anyway.

“Uh oh,” Aubrey said sitting on the bed and looking directly at Chloe with a concerned frown on her face. “Cold feet?” She asked. Chloe didn't have cold feet, she just didn't want to marry him, period.

“No, no, of course not!” She said grabbing her hands. Feeling what it felt like to touch someone without it being self defense or forced touch. It was warm. Somewhere she wanted to be. She could always reassure others, but not herself. She could build everyone up brick by brick, as tall as the Empire State building. But for herself, it took her layers and layers of clothes and makeup, it took her until after one whole hour of crying to feel okay.

She gets one brick at a time, but then disaster always struck when she got home. Tom had this way of degrading her in ways that were so demeaning and just sinister. He always leveled her small sand castle into a little insignificant pile. “I'm just really tired.” _excuses excuses. Tired of what? The beating? Yeah me too._

“Well, come on. We have to hurry and get to your hair and makeup done, if you're gonna show up.” she laughed. _Wait,_ _I have a choice?_ She smiled brightly but on the inside, she couldn't shake the feeling of her bones crunching inside her and the copper taste of blood in her mouth. _It was just a dream._

 

* * *

 

 

She washed her hair, she lifted her hands to wash her scalp. As soon as her fingers met the roots of her hair she thought of the time around the fourth of July when Tom yanked so hard, he had clumps of it knotted in his fingers. _It'll be fine._ She moved the loofa across her shoulders and her stomach, feeling the knuckles connecting with her muscles. _It won't be like this forever._

She wiped her hand over her face and looked up into the water, she thought back to when his hands used be soft and gentle, and then feeling of the rough skin back-handing her and knocking her to the floor. The way their hands only came together in public, but behind closed doors his hands closed into fists. _You can't possibly do this._

She wiped the mirror with her hand and looked at herself. For a second she saw nothing but the wasted effort and self hate. She saw the yelling and screaming. She saw the lies and broken promises. She saw that hideous closet she was hiding in. She saw the one thing she hated most in the world, it wasn't Tom, it wasn't the bruises. It was herself. She couldn't, she felt the panic everywhere in her. She was going to die with this man or because of this man.

The shadow that always fell over her became the constant look on her dazed face. As her facial expressions became forced and rehearsed, all her social interactions became masquerades and plays. Her understudy was distress. She was constantly crying and shrieking, but out loud, she was about to be happily married. On paper, she was about to enter a polyamorous marriage with Tom and Misery.

She picked a small petal off of her Chrysanthemum bouquet. _Symbol of joy._ She thought of the florists words and she bitterly chuckled. She stared out the window of the limo soughtfully. She couldn't remember if she'd seen the same tree over and over, or if the world was trying to keep her from the ceremony.

The car slowed, she could see the altar on the hill surrounded by nothing but faded green and scattered, leafless trees. As she walked up into the small booth on the side, she focused her eyes on the one, yellow dandelion in the dying grass. _If I could just be that flower._ She was jealous of that flower. She wanted what it had.

Everyone put their faith into this small flower, blowing away the fuzzy hairs and letting themselves hope for _something._ Or maybe she'd bloom into a pretty little yellow flower that people would gift to their lovers. Or pick the petals off, and play that silly game 'loves me, loves me not’, she just wanted to be _something_ to somebody. She was about to be a living punching bag and endure life with someone who she doesn't mean _anything_ to. She was no more than a punching bag and venting outlet. She was nothing on her own.

She looked at the dark, grey, overcast sky through a small hole in the tent. An outdoor wedding was a _horrible_ idea, she regretted not vetoing the idea when she could. She ran her fingers down the front of her dress, feeling the lace and little hints of sequence and paced back and forth in front of the mirror. _‘Do you, Chloe Beale, take this man-’_ “No!”

“Hey is everything alright?” Aubrey walked in behind her, the look in her eyes was wary and apprehensive.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, I-I just almost tripped.” she forced a chuckle to hide her unease.

“Okay…” she didn’t believe her. Why should she? Chloe didn’t even believe her. _It’s not fine._ “How are you feeling?” she grabbed her hands giving a squeeze, letting her smile shine light into her eyes.

“Great! Really great!” _Liar._ She was good at deceiving people when it came to this very question. She could dodge worry and difficulty of telling the same way kids, who didn't do their homework, would just skip around the teacher all day. All her lies and deceit were all sewn together so close, you could barely see the seam that made her lies questionable and suspicious.

“Dum-dum-du-dum.” she sang the tune again and little tickled her sides, making the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. _Ugh._ She smiled warmly at her even though she could only feel the cold chill in her stomach, as it knotted itself into bows and ribbons.

 

* * *

 

 

She heard the music starting up, and she walked out, passing the violinist and cellist, taking long breaths as she walked. “You know, sweetheart, I think you're supposed to smile at these things.” Her dad joked about the look of shock on her face, she brushed it off and smiled widely.

“I know, it's just-”

“A lot to take in, I know, sweetheart. But it's all worth it.” She patted his arm as they walked past everyone. Feeling all those eyes on her, seeing her cousin, Raleigh, across the aisle giving her a big cheeser and thumbs up.

“Who gives this woman to be wedd?” The minister said loud and clear.

“I have a no return policy, so.” A few guests in the audience laughed, she have him a long hug, she didn't want to let go just yet.

“I love you, dad.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” And just like that, she  moved herself to stand across from him. Her heart rate shot up in an unhealthy amount of seconds. She was sure you could see her heart thumping against her rib cage. She swallowed hard, like prenatals without any water.

She felt her skin go cold, not just because of the outdoor wedding, in the lateness of fall knowing winter was creeping upon them and it would basically come over night, but because this didn't feel like how she thought getting married was supposed to feel.

“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today,” she listened to the minister speak, she looked at Tom smiling at her. She felt her smile faltering and fading away. _Are you sure? “_ If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together - let them speak now or forever hold their peace.” _I do._

She felt her stomach turn, the stomach acid was rising up her throat burning into her tonsils. Her airway was constricting, ignoring the ministers words, watching Tom repeat the vows.

“I, Tom, take you, Chloe, to be my wife. My partner in life and my one true love.” _Liar._ “I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before.”

 

" _What’s the matter, you don't want me?"_

 

“I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad,”

 

_"Chloe, open the goddamn door!"_

 

"Regardless of the obstacles we may face together.”

 

"Is _this ever going to stop?"_

 

“I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”

“Chloe, it’s your turn to repeat the vows.” she stared at Tom’s smile, seeing the wolf in sheep's clothing. She could see the beast he was. She couldn’t look at him and think anything else. She'd spent so much time after that first time he hit her, just dwelling on it. What had she done wrong? Was there a wrong turn she might've taken? Or maybe she should've left immediately? She'd never known what the answer were to any of those questions.

She couldn't look at him and see the same lopsided charming grin, he wore in the early stages of their relationship, without feeling like she had know idea where he was or who he was. He was gone now and Chloe felt guilty that she couldn't remember what he was like before.

She couldn't remember feelings or memories other than the ones from the Tom she knew today. How he'd evolved from the one thing praising her sunshine, to the thing that blocked it and hid it away from everyone. He clouded it over and muffled the joyous noise. She distinctly remembers the cold feeling of the bed sheets and how she'd prefer them cold than with him occupying them.

The minister spoke again. “Chloe?” she cleared her throat.

“Um-yeah, sorry.”

“That’s alright, start from the top.”

“I-” she caught a glimpse of the slow roasting anger in the reflection of his eyes. “I can’t.” she could hear the indistinct murmurs from the guests. She looked at the darkness that fell over Tom’s face. _Run._ She turned away from him and ran past the minister. Her feet were picking up the pace, listening to the sound of Tom after her.

“Chloe!” she could hear him coming down the hill, she saw a car in the clearing. She ran faster, only seeing the car ahead of her.

“Chloe, wait!” she could hear Aubrey’s voice from the top of the hill. Her lungs burnt, and she could feel the hill under the curve of her foot. Her heart thumped in her chest, and banged in her ear like an army drum.

She kept running, she kept pushing herself until the hill started to decline and her feet were flat on the ground. She slowed her run into a jog when she drew closer to the car. This car _had_ to be her saving grace.

* * *

 


	4. Beca

* * *

 

Beca sat there in the driver's seat, with a lighter in one hand and a cigarette hanging from her mouth. _So today?_ “Yup.” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She hadn't been sleeping well. She hadn't been sleeping at all, she couldn't take the dreams anymore. _You have no one for a reason. You're just so empty._ She lit a cigarette and let the smoke come up as she leaned her head back.

'Exhaustion’ was tattooed on her forehead. _You could say 'I’m tired’ but that statement is for the living, and quite frankly, you're dead inside._ She closed her eyes for a minute and listened to the quiet of the air. She couldn't pinpoint to when exactly it was, when she muted everyone and everything in her life. Everything was so still, the world was singing it’s silent song, serenading her one last time. _You ready?_

“Yeah.” she got out of the car with a long tube and walked to the back of the car. She plugged the exhaust pipe and put the other end into the cracked window. She looked up at the tree she was parked under, just for a moment. She opened the door to the car and sat and waited for the chemicals to suffocate her. She took a drag from her cigarette before putting it out on the bottom of her shoe. _Here we go._

 She never expected it go down like this, parked in a car, waiting to suffocate. But then a lot of things in her life, she didn't expect to go down the way it did. She never expected to be abandoned, she never expected the horrible things to happen to her, she didn't expect the girls at school to chase her around and the boys to corner her like some animal. She didn't expect any of it.

She learned quickly that hopes and dreams only went as far as the world would let them. She was never cut out to be anything more than this sad little girl, she lived a lot longer than she expected. She thought maybe if she got away from everything, it would all turn around for the better. She sat in the car and stared out at nothing, she listened to the still silence.

She heard yelling from up the hill and she turned around. _What the hell?_ Beca turned her head, she could see a woman running. It was a bride. _She needs help._  She grew closer, she was directly in front of her car now. Beca got out, she could feel the urgency of the moment. It wasn't quiet anymore. She could hear the distant yelling of the groom. Everyone came to a halt, Beca took the tube away from the car and the woman got in, and they drove away.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Now what?_ Beca tried to keep her eyes on the road, and not on the sobbing woman in the passengers side. It'd been a while, they'd only made it a quarter of the way home.  _Do_ _you think she could smell anything?_ Beca took a deep breath in to smell the air, the smell was strong. 

The crying stopped and the woman ran her fingers through her hair and took a minute to gather herself. _Don’t you have a flask or something somewhere?_ She reached down into the side of the door, and gave her the flask. She smiled and poured it into her mouth. She made a sour face and loosely put the cap back on.

“Thanks,” _see? All she needed was a drink. You can handle this._ “For everything.”

“You’re welcome.” she looked at the woman and gave a shy smile.

She drank from the flask quietly. Beca was intensely focused on the smell leftover cigarettes and a hint of a failed suicide attempt. She clenched her hands tighter around the wheel, she peeked at the redhead in the seat next to her. How was it that, in spite of her own misery, she threw everything aside to help this perfect stranger? It didn't make sense, but at the same time it did.

Beca knew all too well about needing to be saved. No one saved her when she needed the most saving. No one came through for her except Stacie, but by that point it might as well have been too late. If she had the opportunity to pull anyone out of any mess, she wasn't going to miss it. She wasn't going to be a bystander of someone else's problems. Not like everyone else seemed to.

 _“_ I’m Chloe.” Beca was brought out of her thoughts by the sudden introduction. She carefully held out her hand, trying to keep the wheel steady with the opposite.

“Beca.” her skin felt like a soft, silk sheet. She felt embarrassed of her hand with all it's calluses. Her bright blue eyes were so mesmerizing, it broke her heart a little to look away onto the road, but she had to drive the car. She could feel something, she wasn't sure what it was, but it was strong and made its presence very aware. They sat in silence for a while longer, Chloe managed to drain the flask, completely, of its contents.

She reached into the back seat and picked up a sock, Beca looked at her from the corner of her eye. Beca looked at her and smiled a little. _She's beautiful._ She watched Chloe lean back and grab the grey sock, she used earlier, from the backseat. She put it on her hand.

“Whatcha doin’ there, Chloe?” Beca chuckled at her. She secretly marvelled at the way her name came out of her mouth. It was odd, but not really. All the names she knew had a specific connotation for a reason. Stacie, for example, she could hear in a conversation two people over because _Stacie_ was like her sister, and she always suddenly felt safe and protected when she heard the name. She became hopeful after hearing it, that maybe she was there, then she could help Beca buckle down on her surroundings. Or Lori.

That name put Beca’s mind on high alert, Lori had this way of getting under Beca's skin, despite of her absence in her life. But this new acquaintance's - no, not acquaintance - stranger's name, felt warm coming from her lips. It felt like she'd been saying it for years.

Had she ever known a 'Chloe’ before? Maybe at school or work, but she certainly would've remembered such a thing. But then, again, she barely remembers if she ate breakfast so it shouldn't be expected for her to remember a name from centuries ago, of someone she wasn't associated with in a close or personal way. It was a fitting name for the woman. Chloe made a sock puppet. She pointed it at her and made it talk.

“I’m so glad that I met you.” Beca laughed and Chloe put the sock puppet in her face. “I think that we're gonna be really fast friends.” Beca’s face flushed and she awkwardly smiled at the tipsy girl.

“Yeah.” she said in the sweetest voice she could. Chloe smiled as Beca thought about it for a second. She sat back and stared at the sock and back at Beca. Her nose was scrunched in a smile and all her teeth were showing, her laugh was gorgeous. _Damn_.

Her bright blue orbs were red and sleepy, she yawned and leaned to her side. Before Beca knew it she was asleep, and she was alone in the car again, just with another body occupying it.

Beca's mind wandered about, trying to guess about the runaway bride. Thinking that she probably was a cheerleader and that the man she ran from was her jock high school sweetheart. She probably had two loving parents who saved their fights for behind closed doors if they fought at all, a big brother who teased her with mention of boys from school when she was young, and a younger sister who used to steal her tops and lie about having them.

She probably had two best friends from kindergarten, who she would go out to lunch with often to catch up. That small scar on her forehead was probably from a minor bike accident when she was young, and her dad probably took her out for ice cream after. She imagined this whole picket fence life about the woman, she liked to think this perfect stranger really was a _perfect_ stranger. But why was she running?

* * *

 


	5. Chloe

* * *

 

 _Shit, what now?_ Chloe cried, hard and loud for the first hour and a half. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. There was no way she could possibly go back now, but what was she going to do? She couldn't possibly just live out the rest of her days in a wedding dress. _What about Bree? And daddy?_

Her head hurt and her hands were shaking, she managed to choke back the harsh tears when the woman driving her handed her a flask, she smiled at this woman who just seemed to know what she was doing. She didn't think twice about taking it, she was eager to unscrew the cap. She wasted no time and took a healthy drink. Whiskey.

It'd been a long time since she's indulged herself in quality whiskey. She stopped thinking about everything and she finally looked at the driver, she focused on her profile. She seemed intensely focused on the road, she was thankful that she hadn't asked questions. She'd just been there, she said nothing and drove.

It was actually a very reckless decision, to just get in and drive away with her. Where was she even taking her? She looked over again, she saw her chewing her cheek. She took a deep breath. “Thanks,” the driver's eyebrows jumped just a little and looked over at her for a second. “For everything.”

“You're welcome.” Her voice was small and low. It matched her. She looked at Chloe and her lips moved up into a gentle smile. Her eyes like stormy seas, she was shocked by the intensity of the steely blue color. She looked back out, she still saw them in her head as she drank.

The woman seemed friendly enough, she didn't _seem_ like a deranged killer. They'd been driving for just over two hours, Chloe found it ridiculous that she still hadn't introduced herself. She was being driven away from her wedding, without so much as an ask or even speaking more than three words to her, she didn't want to be strangers the whole time.

Chloe Beale was notoriously known for her friendly demeanor, it was just something that got passed down from her father, and his father, and so on. Instead of having a shadow that would darken every doorway, the Beales had a glow that lit up a room with a simple smile or greeting. It wasn't unusual, no, it was simply just a sense of optimism that she carried. Even in the past year, she still managed to keep the reputation going. She liked being approachable, it gave her great satisfaction.

Today, of all days, she felt like she might've been lacking that same amount of friendliness. It wasn't her fault, she had literally just ran away from her would've been husband and most likely _very_ confused family, she had every right to be just a tad unapproachable, just for a little while. But it was no excuse and she wasn't having it.

What if this woman is the only person Chloe knows after today? If she's meant to be her only friend now, she'll never know until she says something. “I'm Chloe.” She prompted, the woman shifted toward her and looked at her, she could feel the speed of the car ease up as they approached a turn. The woman held out her hand to her, and Chloe took it.

“Beca.” Chloe held on to her gaze a little longer, looking at her face. The brown hair fell to the far side of her neck, her lips were such a soft and light shade of pink, and her touch wasn't warm, it was hot. It left a tingling across her palm. She smiled a little bit, keeping her hand before letting go, she hand a firm grip. Now having been introduced, she could relax.

She wondered what type of luck it took for her to just randomly be parked there. If she _had_ married Tom, she bet her bottom dollar that she'd be at her reception, faking a smile, dealing with his insufferable mother. She would've danced with her dad and they both would've cried, she would've gone to Mexico for her honeymoon and avoided Tom the whole time. 

She sighed and looked out the window. She started to notice little things as she looked around the car. She felt at ease, finally. She looked into the backseat and grabbed the grey sock that had just been tossed aside before they drove off. She couldn't help but slip it onto her hand like her dad used to when they would fold laundry together.

“Whatcha doin’ there, Chloe?” She felt something go through her when Beca used her name. It's not like she said it a specific way, or anything, but it was just how it sounded coming from her. Like if that was how it was _supposed_ to be said. She made a mouth with the sock puppet, her mouth wide in a smile.

“I am so glad that I met you.” She looked at the smile looming across her face. She watched her her bright, white teeth come into view, she saw something in her eyes when she was looking at her. The way they just looked so genuine, she didn't know what had called so much attention to her, but it was something about the way she smiled and her eyes drew wide.

Chloe put the sock just near her face. “I think that we're gonna be really fast friends.” She meant it. She was drawn to her, she wanted to know more, just by her eyes she could tell this woman was something.

“Yeah.” Beca replied in a light tone, so sweetly and something about the way her mouth slanted when she smiled made her all the more charming. She looked at her once more and sat back into the seat, she watched Beca focus on the road.

She really did believe that they would be friends. It seemed like they could. She didn't know why Beca had been around in the first place, but she was grateful that she was. Maybe she needed a break too. With that Chloe fell asleep to the sounds of the car passing through the trees.

 

* * *

 

 

 ......

 **“I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire** **away, fire away,” listened to the voice, it seemed to carry for miles. All she saw was a white tiled room.**

**Hearing the voice louder than the unidentifiable, bare skin she was looking at.** **“Ricochet, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away, you shoot me down but I won’t fall. I am titanium.”**

……

“Chloe?”  She yawned and her body jerked, feeling Beca’s hand was resting on her shoulder. Her blurred vision cleared as the shock and confusion forced her eyelids wide open, seeing Beca in front of her. She was standing outside of the car on her side. “We’re here.” Chloe stretched one last time before getting out.

“And where is exactly is ‘here’?” she stepped onto the pavement and stepped on her dress. “Woah!” she almost fell over and Beca rushed to catch her. Chloe’s face was just above Beca’s chest, she wrapped her arms around to her balance breathing in the smell of cigarettes and some sort of coconut perfume. She felt Beca’s warm hands on her bare shoulders in the cold wind.

“Careful.” she held to her a second longer as she took a step away.

“S-sorry.” she stood up straight and lifted her dress off the ground. “Where are we?” she followed Beca up the steps.

“Welcome to my humble abode.” she unlocked the door and let her in, she walked through and looked at the quaint little place she had. “Hold on a sec.” she pulled out a chair at the table for Chloe, she sat and smoothed her hand over the wood. _Do you think she’ll let me stay?_

She had no one now. Just her, she couldn’t go to Aubrey’s or her dad’s, she had no one. Beca came back to the kitchen and put some clothes on the table.  

“Thanks, Becs.” she looked up at her from the white t-shirt and sweats, she saw her face change in some way, she was spacing out. “Can I call you ‘Becs’?” she hadn't thought twice about it, the nickname just slipped out. Beca’s eyes shifted back to reality and she slightly nodded. She wondered where she went just now. Must've just been in her head.

“Yeah, yeah.” she put her elbows on the table. She smiled and let Chloe get dressed. There was a dank smell of pot and cigarettes in the entire place. _Okay so she smokes, good to know._ She nodded and pulled a black hoodie over her sore arms. She hadn't smoked since she was in school, so it wasn't something totally new. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were tired and her mascara was swept under her bags, she looked exhausted. _Very attractive Chloe._

Her hand shook hard under the faucet and she washed the sorrow off her face. Her blue eyes were red around, and her body felt like Monday. She walked back out to the dining room and there Beca stood, looking out the window onto the street. “If you look close enough into the window,” she looked for a second longer before saying the rest.

“You can see your face on the building across the street.” she turned her head so slightly to look at Chloe as she walked towards her. Chloe twiddled her fingers in front of her and she walked over. She stood beside her and tried to focus. Which was harder to do, standing next to Beca. _Is she always so cool? Does she panic at all?_ Chloe saw her at the corner of her eye, just watching the cars passing by.

“Cool.” she could see the window mirroring her eyes and her facial expression, she glanced at Beca’s reflection. She let the corners of her mouth come up into a small grin, as she stared at Beca's pensive expression. Her lips were slightly open, she could see the white of her teeth, and the way her jawline was lightly clenched in place.

“Do you have anyone you want to call or?” she broke away from her thoughts and looked at her. “Or any family you want to stay with?”

“Not really…” Chloe looked back out the window at her face. _Please don’t make me leave._

“Do uh-” her eyes shifted down at her fingernails and tried to speak again. “Do uh-do you wanna stay here? Or, I mean I could get you a hotel room if that's what you're comfortable with?” she looked up and her eyes darted from her chipped, blue nail polish, to Chloe's face.

“Yeah. Yeah, if you don't mind it.” she slowly nodded and smiled at her, seeing her face come back up.

“Okay.” She stared for a second longer and then looked out the window.

She had sat at the table in front of her dress with Beca, who was staring expectantly at her phone. She ran her hands over her dress and Beca got up and walked to the fridge, but she quickly walked back and gestured to Chloe. “Do uh-do you want any water or anything? I have juice, a can of soda, some beer mostly, uh…?” Chloe was fond of her shyness. She seemed very laid back. A comfortable person.

“Just a water, thank you.” Chloe finally replied and Beca clicked her tongue and walked over to the fridge. The phone started vibrating as soon as Beca came back with her drink. She quickly reached over and grabbed the phone and looked at Chloe with wide eyes and she stuttered out a few letters.

“Um, I uh-have to take this, do uh-do you mind if I…?” Her mouth slightly hung open in a loose and awkward smile, like if she was nervous.

“Oh, yeah, totes. Go ahead, I'll be fine.” Chloe nodded at her, and she disappeared into another room. Chloe chuckled privately to herself. Their few interactions felt easy. She could just sit in the silence with her and it wouldn't feel completely unbearable and strange. She ran her hands over her dress, feeling the beads and the sequence beneath her palms and fingers. She could be okay with this. This was good.

* * *

 


	6. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this week might be a little late with updates but I promise I'll get back into a regular routine soon, anyway enjoy :)

* * *

 

“Hello?”

“Hi! Katherine, um, hi.” Beca bit down on her thumb nail and looked out her window.

“Hi, honey, how are you?” Katherine's voice was smooth and soft. It flowed with grace, as she did.

“I'm, um, I'm alright-”

“Are you? Shouldn't I be seeing you in two hours? Or is this something that needs my attention right away?” She could hear the doubt and concern in her voice, the woman knew her well. Too well, if you ask Beca. While trying to pay for school and the loft, Beca had picked up three jobs. Two of which Katherine was already aware of. She worked for Manny’s Produce, and Ruth’s Diner.

Katherine had always said her Hello's early in the morning on Wednesday's for groceries, lunch most of every other day at Ruth's, and once at the crosswalk, just finishing her afternoon shift. She was friendly, very kind and warm. It was always a pleasure. Katherine had already seen her on plenty different occasions, except one.

During the second semester of her freshman year of college, Beca and some friends had a nightly gig at O’Neill's Pub just past her loft. She'd felt like singing the blues, so the first song off her set was St.Louis Blues. She'd sang with a twang in her voice and strong long held notes. She'd been having fun singing and then she spotted her in the crowd. She gave a small wave, and Beca felt suddenly exposed.

 

_“Hello, have we met before?”_

 

_“Um… yeah, a few times, actually.”_

 

_“You're the girl at check out at Manny's, aren't you?”_

 

_“Yes, ma'am.”_

 

_“Oh, honey, don't call me 'ma'am'. Katherine.”_

 

_“Beca.”_

 

She remembers distinctly meeting her and her husband, Don. Lovely people, really. Katherine was impressed, she'd played in a band at O’Neill's when she was Beca's age, and she'd never seen a group that put together since then.

 

_“You know, my daughter loves music. We've been looking for a teacher for some time-”_

 

_“I'm not a teacher, I just love music.”_

 

_“Well, then it's settled, when can you start?”_

 

“Well, just… that's not why I called,” she paused for a moment, thinking of what she had just said. There was something urgent that needed to be discussed, like earlier in the afternoon in the car. But nevermind that, there was a runaway bride in her dining room.

“Beca? I need you to use your words, honey.” She snapped her head up and sat down of the bed.

“Sorry, sorry. I'm just-I'm gonna have to put lessons and tutoring on hold for Emily.” She winced at that, that bright girl adored her. She hated to let her down, but it wasn't exactly ‘good hospitality’ to leave your unexpected guests alone in your home.

“Oh, that's fine, darling. I'll let her know right away, thank you.” She could hear her bring her favorite tea cup up to her mouth and take a sip. “Can I ask why on such short notice?”

“Oh! Um, I'm hacking out a little cold, I have a fever, so…” she listened to Katherine hum on the other end. She imagined her sitting in the study, in the big armchair, with her slippers and thick wool sweater. Her dark, brown hair down to her shoulders, and her long, slim fingers hugging the handle of the tea cup.

“I'm actually not gonna be able to go to any sessions either…” she could see the concerned and puzzled expression already of her face through the phone. She heard a faint clink and Katherine cleared her throat.

“Beca, I want you to tell me, right now, that you are alright.” She hesitated for a moment. She's not alright, she just tried to commit suicide just over three hours prior to this phone call, there was no 'being alright’ at the moment.

“I just worry about you, you've become such a part of this family, I know I'm your therapist, and I know that I'm 'supposed to say these things’ but I truly do believe it.”

“No, I know, I know. I'm fine, really. I just need some time.” Beca rested her head between her knees, her arm up and over her head.

“Beca-”

“If you have any worries or doubts, call Stacie-”

“Rebeca Cooke Mitchell, don't interrupt me please.” she sat up quick at the sound of her whole name.

“Sorry, ma’am.”

“And what have I said about that word?” she didn't like the word 'ma'am', it made her feel old despite only being somewhere in her thirties.

“Oh, um, sorry, Kat.”

“Are you _certain?_ ”

“Y-yes… but I really have to go. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time.” Beca choked out.

“Well, thank you for that, and I'll be checking in until you get back.”

“That-that’s not necessary-” Katherine's stern voice automatically interrupted her attempt to decline.

“I'm checking in, whether you want me to or not, Beca.”

“Okay, I got it. Thanks, Katherine.” she tried to patch the holes in the sinking boat of this conversation.

“You're welcome, now you get your rest and feel better.”

“I will, thanks. See you when I see you.”

“Be safe, I'll tell Em you said hi.”

“Bye, Kat.” She hung up and laid back on her bed. Why had everything been heading toward the end and just suddenly stop for the most _random_ reason. _What the hell?_

 

* * *

 

 

……

 **“Where’s** **_your mom_** **, Mitchell?”**

……

 

She heard the phone chime and she patted the bed, looking for it.

_Stacie (to Beca) 9:15 PM-  you coming in tonight?_

Beca sat up immediately. If Stacie had been texting her, she must've been out for a long time, her shift didn't start until eight-thirty and it was already nine o'clock.

**_Beca (to Staice) 9:17 PM-  No can you cover me?? I'm not feeling too hot_ **

That wasn't a lie, she _didn't_ feel well. But you can't call in 'sad’ to work, apparently.

_Stacie (to Beca) 9:18 PM-  Aw poor Beca Boo *frowny face emoji* Do you need me to get anything or do anything? *Heart emoji, heart emoji*_

She thought about it. She couldn't exactly explain what Chloe was doing in her house. Telling her that she was a stranger would only make her flip out. She did miss her though, it'd been a while since she's actually gone into work. She just had to get herself situated.

**_Beca (to Stacie) 9:19 PM-  Ugh don't call me that and nah I'm okay thanks tho *heart emoji*_ **

_Stacie (to Beca) 9:23 PM-  Okay just lemme know feel better soon love you Beca Boo *heart emoji, heart emoji, kissy face emoji*_

**_Beca (to Staice) 9:30 PM-  love you too *heart emoji*_ **

She pushed off the bed and traded her jeans for sweats. She walked over to the window, she could barely see, it was almost pitch black in her room. The only thing providing light was the faint glow of the street lights just outside. She opened the curtains to see that winter had started in Ithaca.

The snow was falling pretty fast, she was sure it was going to stick. She should've put the chains on her tires earlier for icy roads that were sure to be there tomorrow. She left her phone on the bed, and she walked out to see Chloe asleep on her armchair. She felt so guilty, she must've been starving and so lonely, to leave her alone in a new place was so rude of her. She saw her twitch just a little, as she walked over to the thermostat.

She rubbed her arms and adjusted the temperature. She turned around at the sound of her mumbling. She stopped at the end table just for minute, watching Chloe twitch and whip her head. When her movements finally calmed, Beca pulled a blanket out of the linen closet. She very carefully draped it over her, trying not to get too close. She smelled like Beca's perfume and sleep. She quietly trudged around the room and grabbed her pack of cigarettes.

 

* * *

 

 

How long would Chloe be there with her? Not that she didn't want her there, but was this a _permanent_ thing? She had to have _some_ family somewhere, right? Beca didn't mind the company, she didn't mind sharing, but what did this mean? Was she even going to stay?

She couldn't be comfortable in her life, she'd interrupted and technically _witnessed_ her trying to commit, the whole place smelled like a giant hotbox, and she didn't have very many good one-on-one social skills, she had _every_ reason to leave, really. 

She took one long last drag and finished her cigarette. She shivered and hugged her midsection with one arm. She pushed the door open, she lightly brushed her feet on the mat, when she looked up she saw that Chloe was awake. “Hey…” she waved awkwardly and stepped completely inside. The warmth of the heater blew on her when she closed the door.

“Hey,” Chloe said lightly, her voice was tired and hoarse from sleep. “Where'd you go?”

“Uh-just out to smoke, um, yeah…” she walked in and sat down on the couch. She held her face in her right hand as she spoke. “I am so sorry I left you out here, I was just so tired-” she yawned loudly, mid-sentence. “And I fell asleep.”

“It's fine, no worries.” Chloe yawned too and she stretched. “Important phone call?”

“Yeah, yeah…” her hands were shaky, she brought them up to rub her eyes with the heel of her palm. “My, uh, boss called me...”

“Oh…” Chloe said quietly.

“Listen, I'm gonna head back to bed. You're gonna be okay… out here? Need another blanket, something to eat, or…” she looked at Chloe, who had been staring at her with a doe-eyed expression. She smiled at her and shook her head when she'd been caught.

“No, I'm okay. You've done enough, really, I don't know how to thank you.” Beca smiled shyly and brushed a rogue strand of hair from her face.

“Don't thank me, just try to get some sleep alright?” Chloe nodded and moved to the couch. Beca brought out a pillow from the linen closet and she handed it to Chloe. “Just knock if you need me.”

“Okay… goodnight, Becs.”

“Night, Chloe.” She walked back to her room and when she closed the door, she leaned up against it and sighed. She got out all her pills and put them in her dresser, the last thing she needed was for Chloe to ever go in and see any of them.

_'I think that we're gonna be really fast friends.’_

She laid back and tucked her arm under her pillow. She looked out the window, watching the snow fall. The window started frosting in the corners, she listened to the sounds of the heater and the train in the distance. With work, and the band, and the music, Beca didn't know how she'd juggle all of that with a new acquaintance living there with her.

Like some grand balancing act, almost. But Chloe, she felt easy. She didn't want to force friendship, she wasn't asking a million and one questions, she was just… there. She was just waiting it out, like Beca. There was no way to be certain what was next every single day, Katherine always had to remind Beca of that. She just let it be.

Would it be the same tomorrow? Who knows. It was a was a long, emotional, and totally unexpected day. For the both of them. She was doing all she could, without seeming too broken to be around. She was doing okay. Beca felt the pull of her eyelids, like two magnets attracting each other. She took a deep breath in through the nose and fell asleep again. She was doing okay.

* * *

 


	7. Beca

* * *

 

**November 20th**

To what extent can one be _so_ inexperienced with _normal, friendly_ human interaction despite working for a produce market, a diner, and a local pub. _All places_ of which had their fair shares of customers, daily and nightly, so it _shouldn't_ have been anything new. But here she was sneaking out the window, with a notebook and gel pen, instead of staying being a good host and well-mannered adult. She needed to write, but not as much as she needed to _maybe_ get to know the almost-stranger sleeping on her couch.

She sat on the ledge and stared out to the city. There was a fresh blanket of snow that covered every surface it possibly could. Beca shivered, a chill went down her spine, and she could see her breath in the air. She really _was_ going to get sick if she didn't go inside. She carefully clambered back in and sat on the bed. She stared at the wall for a while before deciding she would go out to the living room.

She saw that Chloe had been awake for some time, it had been made very obvious when she noticed that the couch was made and she was slowly pacing in front of the far window in the kitchen. “Hi.”

“Oh!” Chloe turned around and nervously smoothed her hands over her sweats. “You scared me.”

“Sorry…” Beca crossed over and sat on the counter, hoisting up her satchel, she pulled out her pack of cigarettes and pulled the ashtray toward herself. She lit a cigarette and sat criss cross, while Chloe stood planted at the far end of the table. She hadn't thought to ask her if she minded the smoke. She wasn't a very good host. “Oh shit, you don't mind, do you…?” It took Chloe a moment to realize what she'd been saying.

“Oh! No, not at all.” Chloe smiled widely at her. Beca felt a small tug at the corners of her own mouth. “I'll let you get to….yeah, okay.” Chloe moved from the kitchen to the living room quickly. Maybe she _didn't_ have to say much about anything at all.

 

* * *

 

 

**November 22nd**

**“Momma! Momma, look! It's me!” She looked around herself and realized that she was alone. The reflection in the window in front of her presented her aging through the years. “Momma?** **_Momma?”_ ** **her reflection grew old and she looked down at her hands to see her pruned fingertips, like that of an elderly woman's. “Momma?”**

……

She woke feeling a needy ache in her heart, she reached over for the prescription bottle on her end table and took three of it's pills. She'd pulled out her phone to see a good morning text message from Stacie. She remembered their conversation the previous night.

 

_“Not that I'm not doing whoever it takes to help you keep your job, but Luke is looking to fire you, if your ass isn't back soon.”_

 

_“You mean 'whatever’ right?”_

 

_“Yeah, that too. But that's besides the point, you need to come back to work.”_

 

She'd laid there just a tad longer. Would it be yet another quiet afternoon with Chloe? She didn't mind, but maybe she could've tried to get a better understanding of strangely comfortable silence. She'd been dodging calls left and right, texting people that she'd been sick, she only answered to Stacie's phone calls. All others were irrelevant and unimportant. It was Thanksgiving in two days and there was a beautiful redheaded woman, just willingly spending her time on Beca's couch. Or what if she was planning on framing her for kidnap and demanding ransom? Seemed too far complicated, yet it might just be true. Her phone chimed.

 

_Emily (to Beca) 11:17 AM-  I hope you're not too contagious for my mother to go over…_

 

She couldn't come over, she couldn't. Not that the house was a mess or because she didn't want to see her, she missed all of them and the whole place was spic and span. Well… as of yesterday, but what was she supposed to say about Chloe? She couldn't exactly tell them she doesn't exactly know anything about her beyond her name. That was asking for a small grilling session on her, she just ran away from her wedding for Christ sakes. She stood up and leaned on the ledge in the little space in front of the window.

 

**_Beca (to Emily) 11:18 AM-  What the hell Em???_ **

 

_Emily (to Beca) 11:20 AM-  I know I know I told her to leave you alone but I couldn't stop her Dad couldn't even stop her_

 

**_Beca (to Emily) 11:25 AM-  Ugh fine do you know why she's coming?_ **

 

_Emily (to Beca) 11:26 AM-  Jesse..._

 

Beca was livid, she straightened her back and she put her hair up.

 

**_Beca (to Emily) 11:29 AM-  We'll get back to lessons soon let me deal with this first_ **

 

_Emily (to Beca) 11:30 AM-  May the odds be ever in your favor girly_

 

She pulled up Jesse's contact. His contact photo was a picture of them at the movie theaters with 3D glasses on, he had popcorn _everywhere,_ and she had a empty bucket with a smug look on her face. It was a good night, he learned that the fake yawn does not in fact 'work every time’. “Hey, Beca!”

“Shut up, Jesse.”

“Hey, hey why are you being so aggressive?” She could see the stupid surprise on his face already. She couldn't really blame him though, she just called without telling him what he'd done wrong yet.

“Why, _oh why_ , did you call Katherine?” He sighed on the other end of the line, she was waiting for an answer. She tapped her fingers along her rib cage and paced the room impatiently. “Well?”

“You remember last time-”

“Of course, I remember last time, I was there.”

“Okay, okay, well you've been disappearing again and I haven't seen you around, it seemed serious. I was just trying to help.” He was sweet, he was, but Beca wasn't looking for sweet she was looking to be alone.

“But that doesn't mean you call Katherine!”

“Beca, why are you yelling at me? I'm just trying to be here for you.”

“Well, I didn't ask you to be.” she put her hand on her forehead and sighed, she could hear him smack his tongue.

“Wow, okay.” She immediately regretted that decision. Jesse, he was a great guy, and he deserved more credit for all he's done. He was a good friend, he held her hair back when she would throw up at parties, and he'd stick up for her to guys at the pub, even if it meant a severe beating was in order. He was always the knight in shining armor, he was always to protagonist in his little movie world. He really was just trying to be there for her, she couldn't possibly stay mad at him for just being a good friend.

“Jesse… I'm sorry that's not-”

“It's whatever, I have to get back to work.”

“Jesse-” he hung up without so much as a 'bye’. She'd really done it now. “Ugh!” She let her hair back down, and she held her phone at her side. She stewed for second, and tried to come up with something to say when Katherine got there. When she walked out to the living room, she saw Chloe pretending to read a week old magazine, and she looked up from it and smiled widely.

* * *

 


	8. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys! Work and just ugh, adulting is hard. I have a few days off so hopefully I'll have closer update dates. But anyway, here you go! Enjoy :)

* * *

 

She looked hard at a picture of an extravagant ball gown, that no sane person would willingly look away from, but she really couldn't focus correctly. It had been four days and Beca hadn't said much to her. Or is it that _she_ hadn't said much to _Beca?_ She usually wasn't so tongue tied, nervous wasn't her thing, but this woman had seen her cry hopelessly, affectionately tipsy, asleep and _drooling with no makeup_ , all within these four days.

It was a lot to take in, what _would_ she say? There wasn't exactly any ice breakers she knew for her particular predicament. But it was strange not being able to come up with _regular_ small talk, she worked at a call center, talking was literally what she did for _a_ _living_. Chloe had a million questions, but she couldn't think to voice them. Which was groundbreaking because Chloe Beale could talk to anybody.

Another thing Chloe Beale did was make mental notes. Notice things, no matter how small or insignificant it may be, she was a sucker for detail.

One thing she noticed was that Beca was always usually outside, before she had a chance to wake up, without a jacket and that really bothered Chloe because what if she gets sick? But she was always outside, sometimes a quick smoke break and other times she just seemed to stay out there a little longer.

Usually when she stayed put there longer, she'd come back with a small leather journal neatly tucked under her arm. She did get curious one day, so she casually walked over to where Beca kept her satchel, and she managed to open it just enough to see the journal sitting there between a laptop and a folder.

It was wrong to snoop, but by the time she opened it enough to grab it, Beca was coming back up and so she hustled back toward the couch. She didn't want to seem insensitive to privacy or anything. That wasn't the word she wanted put out for herself.

Chloe had always thought that everybody was beautiful. Beca was  _very_ beautiful, but it seemed to be a different type of beautiful. One that's hard to miss. She had this way of just capturing her attention with just so much as a small frown, and Chloe didn't understand that. She could think that Beca was good looking, but it wasn't long before she over thought it. Chloe thought Beca was beautiful.

The more she thought about it, the weirder she felt. It felt like she was being a creep or something, or that she _was_ leering, but she couldn't help but to stare. And when she wasn't there for Chloe to look at, she was thinking of her. Nothing _too_ dramatic or intense, but just questions. ‘Does she put the cereal in the bowl before the milk?’ ‘What's her favorite color?’ stuff like that. Interesting that she's living in her home, without knowing _exactly_ who she is.

She thought about that for a second and she looked around at the place. It definitely was new. It was weird, though. Weird wasn't always the way she liked to describe thinking of a person, but that's what it was. Weird.

Maybe it had more to do with Beca almost being nearly completely unreadable. But Chloe _did_ make a memo of all her faces. She could only guess about the things she was thinking that moment by the way her eyebrows knitted together and how her lips moved. She twists her lips when she's thinking and she'd pull the pencil that was kept behind her ear out to write.

She always squints her eyes and looks at the ceiling right before she's about to write something down, and then after she's half mumbled the words back to herself, she frowns hard or shakes her head and scribbles it out if she decides she doesn't like it. But if she does, the corners of her mouth tug down into an approving frown and she slowly bobs her head, and continues. Faces were one thing, Beca's was rather appealing, but Chloe couldn't possibly get past her eyes when they speak, which isn't _very_ often.

Sometimes she would catch herself comparing the color of her eyes to every single shade of blue she could, until she found the same color, but it still came up short to the real deal. She sees them and all her solid words and actions are just put on hold, like if she were waiting for her eyes to just grow mouths and start speaking to her themselves. Chloe shuddered at that. What type of person imagines horror shows like that?

 

* * *

 

 

She glanced over at the stove and it was around twelve, Beca usually came out by then. She got up and then sat back down, but then she stood up again. Would it be too intrusive to knock? Would that be weird? She shook her head and made her way to the door. She stood in front of Beca's door, contemplating on knocking or just waiting her out again.

She put her hand up to the door, but she heard slightly high pitched and aggressive comments from the other side. She immediately pulled her hand away, as if the door would bite her. She was just hovering now, which was wrong, she didn't want to eavesdrop, but she was literally at the door so she couldn't exactly help it.

“But that doesn't mean you call Katherine!” she listened for a second longer, she guessed maybe Katherine was her boss maybe?

“Well, I didn't ask you to be.” she slightly frowned at that one.

“Jesse… I'm sorry that's not-” Chloe raised her eyebrows, couple fight?

“Jesse-”  She could hear her remorse and dramatic drop in her scolding tone. She didn't see very many pictures of her with a guy around the loft, though. There were mostly pictures of her and a very beautiful brunette with green eyes. There might've been a few in a group picture, but she was _always_ next to the brunette. But if this _was_ a couple fight, and she _did_ in fact hear a cold shoulder activate, did this mean she would see Beca upset and cry? Would she have to hug her and tell her it was okay? Or would that be totally weird?

“Ugh!” Chloe finally figured that she'd spent enough time in front of her bedroom door, like a creep, so she quietly jogged back to the couch. She picked up the magazine again and looked at the same gown, and read the same column about it again.

What was Beca so upset about? It wasn't her business, but whatever it was Chloe couldn't help but feel the need to punch it, or them, in the face. She didn't like the things that made people upset. Beca finally came out, Chloe looked up at her. She saw her brown waves falling at her shoulders, her eyebrows were raised a little, and her mouth was open just enough.

“Hey.” Her voice is light and casual, it's not so small and tired like it usually was. She realized that she actually had to respond and that that was how people interact properly.

“Hi.” Chloe put the magazine down on her lap. “Rough morning?” Beca smiled this gorgeous open mouthed smile and her head tilted just a little bit. When Chloe could feel her face again, she could feel her smile lines cracking her face wide open.

“Yeah… something like that.” she crossed over to where Chloe was. She smiled awkwardly down at Chloe.

She frowned in deep thought, and she crossed one arm over her midsection and the other brought her fist to rest under her chin. She paced like this for a second, something Chloe wasn't very sure about the meaning behind. She watched Beca bite down on her thumb nail, and mutter things to herself.

It was quite worrisome, Chloe didn't know if she was kicking her out or if she was going to spontaneously combust. It could go either way from the looks of it right now. That phone call seemed to really leave Beca shook and nervous. Chloe couldn't take it anymore, she reached out to her and grabbed her wrist. Her skin immediately felt like it was being melted.

“Beca-”

“I have a _huge_ favor to ask you.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So… I need to pretend that I know you, so that your _therapist_ will stop coming by to check on you…?” She frowned incredulously at Beca. What type of request _was this?_

“Yeah… I know-I know it sounds weird, but I really don't think you'd want her to flip on us, you know…” Chloe smiled at her. She was already especially fond of how considerate she was. She made sure to ask about the smoking, she let her stay in her home, she was very accommodating.

She gave it a second thought and she realized that she said 'us’. Chloe quickly nodded at her, she felt kind of special that she acknowledged her and that it was problematic for the both of them.

“Um… okay, uh-is there anything specific or…?”

“Just uh-just let me handle most of it, but just kind of… you know, go along with it, I guess…” there was a knock on the door. “Oh shit!” She squeaked. Beca squeaked and Chloe thought it was the most adorable thing ever. She'd never heard a squeak as precious as that one. But Katherine was there now. _Shit._ “Hey, Kat!”

“Beca Mitchell, you have some explaining to do.” Chloe heard the menacing sound of heels clacking their way through to the kitchen, as the stern presence made itself known in the loft. The sound of a purse being set on the table brought her away from her unmistakable fear.

She looked at a woman with dark brown hair, accompanied by long eyelashes, pink lips, all wrapped up in a winter coat. The woman seemed fairly confident and comfortable just walking into Beca's home. Which meant she might've done this once before at some point. “Oh, who's this?”

 

* * *

 

 

Katherine was lovely, she was, but she seemed to put the fear of _God_ in Chloe. Maternal habits, she was sure. She seemed to be well aware that Beca _wasn't_ sick. She'd spent the first twenty minutes lecturing Beca, on what? Chloe wasn't sure until she tuned back in. “You mean to tell me that you haven't been to work in weeks?”

“Kinda-”

“Yes or no?”

“No. I haven't been to work in almost two weeks, but I'm going back soon I swear, I'll go back tomorrow.” she seemed like she was ten times smaller than Katherine at the moment. She wasn't talking down to her, from what Chloe understands she was just being a good… friend? Therapist? Both maybe?

“And I'm sorry, I'm being _terribly_ rude, who are you again?” She looked at Chloe who sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the chastising to stop. She raised her eyebrows and her jaw just fell a little.

“Oh! Me? I'm Chloe, Chloe Beale. I'm a friend of Beca's.” Katherine wrapped her hand around Chloe's and have a firm shake. She smiled brightly at her, despite the previous tension of a proper scolding.

“I've never heard of you, a new fixture I assume?” She gestured her head back a little at Beca. Beca looked like a deer caught in the headlights, Chloe had to help.

“Uh-”

“We go way back, I've known her since kindergarten.” Chloe chuckled as if she actually recalled memories from a fake past. Beca clicked on a faux familiarity of her, and gave a big smile. Beca’s eyes seemed to only grow brighter with the smile, Chloe almost forgot about Katherine until she refocused her eyes on _her_ instead of Beca. Katherine was clearly pleased with her answer.

“Well, it's nice to meet you. And Beca?” she hurriedly came to the side of Katherine and Chloe at the table.

“Yes, ma'am?” Katherine glared at her through the corner of her eye and Chloe heard the unspoken warning by the way she narrowed her eyes. “I-I mean Kat.”

“I think you'll find it in your best interest to _never_ lie to me again.” Beca opened her mouth, seeing that she rethought whatever she was going to say, Chloe watched her jaw snap shut immediately. “Okay, I will see you for lunch on Thursday. Will Chloe be accompanying you there?” With the slightest bit of hesitation Beca nodded.

“Uh-yeah, she'll be there.” Chloe smiled at the invitation, although it was more like a requirement now that she thought of it.

“Wonderful, do tell Stacie and Jesse please.” Chloe watched Beca hold out her coat and she slipped back into it, Beca now held her purse in front of her as she followed her to the door. Beca turned to Chloe, she brought her hands together like she was praying and mouthed 'thank you' as she followed Katherine out the door.

She heard Katherine speaking and saying her goodbyes. "It was nice to see your face, Beca, I hope to see more of it soon. See you at lunch.”

“Buh-bye, Kat.” Beca was peeking her head out the door and when she pulled it back in, she leaned all her weight on it and let out and extra long breath. “Thank you so very much, I owe you one, possibly forever.” Chloe just chuckled and she stood there by the door with her.

“So lunch, huh?” She was smirking at Beca, who playfully rolled her eyes.

“We uh-we do Thanksgiving lunch at Katherine's,” she stood and Chloe followed her back out to the kitchen. “Now before I become labeled as your kidnapper for taking you with me, do _you_ want to go or do you have other plans?” Chloe laughed and watched Beca rummage through all the cupboards.

She thought it was hilarious, the idea of other plans. She won't have other plans for a while. All Beca's plans were kind of her plans now. She didn't expect Beca to just leave her there in the house. Not that she couldn't be trusted, but she wanted Beca to determine that.

“I'll go, just equip me with info this time.” She winked at Beca, and then she internally cringed at herself for it. Beca uncorked a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass.

“Wine?” _definitely! Yes, hard yes._

“Yes, thank you.” She settled with a less eager answer. She sat down across from Beca, she pushed her glass across the table to her.

“Cheers.” She clinked their glasses and took a drink. Wine is supposed to be sipped slowly, but Beca took the biggest drink she could. Chloe giggled as she slowly drank hers at first, tasting it.

“Is this Boone's farm?” She looked into her glass and her eyebrows came together, like the red liquid would tell her the answer.

“Yeah.” She took another drink and watched Chloe mimic her drinking style and she grinned with the mouth of the glass between her lips.

“It used to be my favorite back in school.” Chloe set the glass down and stared at the bottle, Beca was already refilling her drink. "It was the only thing us students could afford." They laughed and continued to drink in silence for while, Chloe swished around her wine in the glass.

She caught her lip between her teeth and she looked up at Beca, who was looking at her. She quickly looked away from her. Chloe stared through her eyelashes for a moment. She sat up straight. “What do your days look like?” their freshly refilled glasses finished off the bottle, Chloe had the last of it in her glass.

“My days?” she cleared her throat once. “I think you've seen how my days go.” She smirked at Chloe as she brought her glass to her lips. Chloe chuckled watching her put the glass back down _,_ she put her hand down near the edge of Beca's glass.

“No, for serious.” Beca took another sip and she gave Chloe a lazy smile.

“Let's see, for serious…” she sucked in her bottom lip, and then she tapped it with her forefinger. “My days… are mostly staying out until two at work. Sleeping all day from two till six am, sharp, if I can fall asleep. Then I catch a few shifts at Ruth's and Manny's, on and off. But other than that, I wait around all day until noon and write.”

“Sounds really long.” Chloe finished off her wine.

“Yeah.” Beca sighed.

“Do you ever just do something different? Like, just go out? Be with people?”

“A lot of people have made a lot of promises but,” she tapped her fingers on the table, next to the empty bottle. “When it comes down to it, no one _really_ shows up.” She looked at Chloe and gave a sad and empathetic smile.

“Sounds really lonely.” It sounded really familiar to Chloe. She knew exactly what broken promises and constantly being alone was like.

“It's just easier.” _oh don't I know it._ She could feel that that conversation was now over. She didn't want to push too much, they're actually _interacting_ with each other.

“What do you write?” Chloe asked, she'd been dying to get the answer but she couldn't bring herself to ask. She tried to lure her with a warm smile, Beca quirked an eyebrow.

“Well, wouldn't you like to know.” Chloe's smile never wavered, she just looked at her. Beca finally caved, and clicked her tongue. “Music. I write music.”

“You write music?” _Can she sing?_ Chloe would've never guessed music. She looked at Beca with a bright bright smile and looked at her expectantly, like if she were going to break out into song or do some sort of trick.

“Yeah,” she said slowly bobbing her head. “Yeah, I do. I'm uh-I'm in a band actually.” her eyes changed completely.

“You're in a band?” she gave another open mouthed smile, Chloe's full attention was all over her.

“Yeah, we're called Deaf Jew.” Chloe's head rolled back and she laughed hard.

“Why Deaf Jew?” She looked at her and couldn't stop smiling, Beca cracked a smile of her own and laughed.

“Well, a few friends and I met because we signed up for this club, freshman year of college, the sign said 'DJ’s’ and we all joined.” She licked her lips and continued. “What we didn't know was that, 'DJ's’ stood for 'Deaf Jews’. When we made the band official, we needed a name, so we chose the club where we met.” Chloe continued to stare at her as if she gave her a kitten from her pocket.

“That's amazing.” Chloe thought that that was the single, coolest story of how a group of people met. She laughed a little, Beca joined in, she tilted her head to the side and her smile never faded. When the laughter died down, Beca looked at her with soft eyes.

“It really was.” She said softly. She got up and walked over to the fridge, while she stepped away Chloe wrapped herself in the fact that she was actually _speaking_ to her. That she was friendly, and easy on the eyes, and she was easy to talk to. ‘Beca Mitchell’ was bouncing around all in her head.

This seemed so easy, it didn't feel forced. Beca opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, she raised her eyebrows and gestured toward the inside of the fridge. Chloe nodded and Beca opened their beers.

“What's one of your biggest regrets?” Beca sank into the chair. She pulled her satchel from the empty chair at the head of the table. She unzipped a pocket and she brought out a small box. She opened the small tin box, and Chloe saw a neatly, well-wrapped, joint in her hand. _Whatcha got there?_ Beca noticed the staring. “Oh, I'm sorry, do you mind?” Beca put in between her lips and fumbled with the lighter for a minute.

“No, no. Not at all.” She took the now lit joint from Beca’s mouth and put it up to her own, watching Beca's jaw go slack for just a second before clenching shut. She choked a little, as she held in the smoke. It'd been years since she smoked _anything_. She stopped when she left college, it was probably the least stressful years of her life.

“One of my biggest regrets…” she took another hit, and she thought long and hard. Chloe didn't have very many except that bad haircut she had senior year of high school. It was awful and on top of the bad haircut, she thought it was _'okay'_ to put gel in her hair and brush it out. That whole mental image she just painted in her head made her shudder.

She didn't believe in having regrets. She looked at just funny mistakes that might make a good story but then she thought of one regret when she started remembering things about her love life. She regretted Tom with everything she had, it had been a waste of her time. But she thought she'd rather not get into that _specific_  regret.

"One of my biggest regrets... was not experimenting enough in college.” The smoke left her mouth, filling the air. Beca chuckled at her and they continued to laugh about it.

“You're so weird.” Beca shook her head softly and she stared a Chloe. She grinned at her, and pulled her lips apart into a smile.

“Thanks.”

* * *

 


	9. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this chapter, it might suck, if it does I'm sorry. But here you go anyway.

* * *

 

**November 23rd**

“Okay, no. I _refuse_ to believe that you don't like movies.” Chloe seemed insanely shocked by this fact.

“What's there to believe, Chloe? I just don't like them.” She shook her head and took another hit before passing it back to Chloe.

“You're going to watch a movie with me.” She snorted at her demand and she lightly grazed her finger across Chloe's while getting the joint back.

“Says who?” She watched Chloe, her chin was slightly tilted up in a confident manner and she had a small smirk spreading across her lips.

“Says me.” Beca continued laughing and smoked the last of the joint and there was no more.

“Well, _I_  have work so that's not gonna happen, _Me_.” Beca got up and put their glasses and beer bottles where they needed to go. She saw Chloe pouting at her seat at the table. She felt guilty for putting it there, even if she was kidding, but she'd already gotten almost the exact same movie lecture from Jesse.

 

_“The endings are the best part!”_

 

_“They're predictable. The guy gets the girl, that kid sees dead people, Darth Vader is Luke's father-”_

 

_“Okay, right, so you just happened to guess the biggest cinematic reveal in history?”_

 

_“‘Vader’ in German means 'Father’, his name is literally 'Darth Father’.”_

 

_“So you know German, now I know why you don't like fun things.”_

 

“Boo, Beca's no fun.” She was so hurt until she started laughing at the mid-sentence of her statement.

“That's right,” Beca said grabbing a water bottle and drinking out of it. “Night, Chloe.”

“Goodnight, Becs.” Chloe said as she yawned on her way to the couch.

 

* * *

 

 

Manny's always felt cold due to all the refrigeration. Now that is was colder, and winter was finally making it's very dramatic appearance, it only felt like she'd been doused in ice water and sent off into the frigid air. “So, she finally comes to work.”

“Real cute, where's Lilly?” she rubbed her hands together before putting on her apron, and making sure her name tag was out of sight.

“Honestly, I don't know, might be restocking the tomatoes, might be ripping a hole through the space time continuum.” Beca nodded in agreement, because that was Lilly for you. They'd never hear anything of it, _literally_ , the girl barely spoke louder than an _extremely_ light whisper, despite playing possibly the noisiest instrument there was.

“Never know with that one, CR.” Cynthia Rose bobbed her head and looked back down to the cash register.

 

* * *

 

 

Beca had a shopping cart to her right and a completely deserted isle to her left, with both earbuds as she restocked the chips. “Becaw!” She heard it faintly under all her loud music. She decided it was just in her head, until she was bumped with another shopping cart. “Becaw!”

“Swanson,” She said flatly, pulling the earbuds off and hanging them around her neck. “What can I do for you?” She tried to be polite as possible due to customer service rules and certain policies, she didn't want to get reprimanded twenty minutes before she could leave.

“Why are you so mad, _Becaw?_ ” He pulled the cart away and stepped closer to her.

“I'm not mad.” She mumbled while continuing to put new chip bags on the shelves.

“Oh, right, you're just,” he pulled one bag off the shelves and pointed out the words on the label. “' _Lightly salted’._ ” She rolled her eyes and took the bag from him and putting it back in its place on the shelf. “Okay, seriously though.”

“Look, Jesse, I appreciate-”

“You're welcome.” He had a smug grin on his face, she wanted to slap it off.

“I don't need a _babysitter_ , I don't need the whole _'sweet guy’_ thing, what I need is for you to trust that I am making good decisions-”

“And _'good decisions’_ is not showing up to work in weeks?”

“Okay! Yep, that's it, we're done here. I'm going home, goodbye, Jesse.”

“Beca-” she'd shoved her earbuds back in and made her way to the small office to clock out and left the small produce market.

 

* * *

 

 

**November 24th**

Beca gingerly stood on the balls of her feet in front of Katherine's door, with Chloe to her side. She stretched her mouth into an awkward smile. It was cold, there was snow and ice everywhere, she wiped her feet on the doormat again for the third time. She kicked the floor trying to get the snow off her shoe. She looked up at Chloe. _Jesus fucking Christ, where is she?_ She smiled just a little bit, seeing Chloe roll her lips between her teeth and look up at the door frame.

Beca felt a warm feeling pooling in her chest when Chloe's eye flickered back down to hers. She was afraid she might have stared too long, so she quickly pressed the doorbell four times. She bit her nail, out of habit, trying not to make eye contact with Chloe, when Katherine opened the door. “Beca, sweetheart, you _know_ you don't have to ring. You can just come inside.”

“I-I know, but you know I don't like to barge in.” Beca squeezed her hands together and shook her head.

“Chloe, hi, how are you? Come in, come in.”

“I'm good, Mrs. Junk, how are you?” Beca made eye contact with Chloe for the first time in what seemed like ages, but it was only just a few simple minutes.

“I'm well, but please, _Katherine,_ sweetheart.” she winked at Chloe, she watched the exchange. Chloe grinned and chuckled softly. _What the literal fuck?_ Chloe looked at her and Beca let out a small breathy laugh, and Chloe smiled. She was sure that it had been too long since they were told to come inside, but she just awkwardly stuck her thumb out toward the door. She watched Chloe carefully cross over the threshold. Beca followed and closed the door, she saw Don in front of the TV and Emily in the kitchen.

“Beca!” Emily bum rushed her and she hit the door. Emily wrapped her arms around Beca in a bone-crushing embrace.

“Dude!” she stood up right and tried to wiggle out of the hug. “Try not to kill me, yeah?” She heard Chloe chuckling by the coat rack.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. I guess I shouldn't kill the woman who made me thankful for music on Thanksgiving.” Emily awkwardly chuckled and her mother narrowed her eyes at her.

“Technically, _your mom_ kind of _gave_ you music, so…” Beca winked at her, she started feeling more at ease. This was home too, this was home too, everything was fine. She felt Chloe stand close behind her, she felt the heat of her body radiating onto her back.

“Oh! This uh-this is Chloe, Chloe this is Emily. Say 'hi’, Em.” her eyes flitted to Emily, who's smile made her look like she slept with a coat hanger in her mouth, but that was just a permanent expression on taller brunettes face.

“Hi! It's so nice to meet you!”

Emily walked up to her and extended her arms for a hug, but she awkwardly held out her hand instead.

“Oh, get in here! I love hugs!” Beca's eyebrows bounced up to her hair line and she watched Chloe welcome a hug from a girl she just met _less_ than one minute ago.

“Don't strangle my friend, Em.” Beca warned just standing in front of them.

“It's fine, no strangling happening here.” Chloe squeezed one more time and then pulled off of Emily to look her in the face. “It's good to meet you.”

“You too, I-”

“Emily?” They all turned their head to the kitchen door and then back at each other.

“Come on, let's go to the kitchen, I'm waiting for the pie to finish.” Emily pulled on Chloe's hand and lead her to the kitchen, leaving Beca behind awkwardly standing by the door.

“Okay…” Beca shrugged off her leather jacket and unraveled the scarf from her neck. She had no reason to worry about Chloe, right? She'd be just fine, it's not like _Emily_ , of all people, would bite. She'd be fine, they all hit it off just fine. She'd be fine. But why did she feel so nervous? She had no reason to be, Chloe seemed sane enough, and as long as Katherine kept her therapist nose _to herself_ they'd be fine.

They were going to be fine. Beca kept that mindset for about seven seconds, but she really couldn't help but worry. She'd never brought anyone to Katherine's, other than Stacie and Jesse, those two were all she knew. She knew both of them better than she knew herself, but here she was bringing this person who just appeared into her life and made it possible to even be here.

 

* * *

 

 

She slowly hung her things on the coat rack, and she looked over at Don as he made his way over. He wrapped her in a tight bear hug. “Hey, Tiny Mouse, how we doin’?” He rested his chin on her head and rubbed her back. She loved Don, he was the greatest man she'd ever known, he was a _great_ dad, but not _her_ dad. That little fact made her insides feel cold, and she let out a shaky breath trying to choke down the tears.

This time of year was always a rough one until she stumbled upon this small family. Don and Katherine were good people, and Emily was a great kid. She felt at home, she did, but she just wished that she always felt at home in her _own_ home. But her home was not a home, it was no more that just a messy house with a drunk permanently glued to the couch.

“I'm alright, Don, thanks.” She pulled off and looked at his big smile. “Who's playing?”

“Redskins versus the Cowboys.” He sat back down in the recliner, she walked over and planted herself right behind the chair and looked at the TV. She rested her arms on both sides of his head and watched the game. “How 'bout a couple cold ones, Beca darlin’?” he called back to her, and patted her hand.

“What is she, a waitress?” Katherine came in from the kitchen in her apron and oven mitts, she winked at Beca as she took them off.

“Only on weekdays, Kat, only on weekdays.” Beca squinted one eye shut and snapped her finger and pointed at her. “Be right back, Don.” she waltzed over to the kitchen and Chloe and Emily leaned up on opposite sides of the counter. Emily sipping an orange juice and Chloe with a beer in her hand, just talking like they'd been friends for years.

Beca didn't even realize how long she'd been there, but she just couldn't help but smile. It was a nice thing to see, Chloe had seemed very engaged in the conversation. Not a lot of people could handle Emily's enthusiasm, but Chloe only seemed to mirror it. It made the short musician wonder.

“Hey, Becs, we were just talking about you! You teach music too?” she was brought out of her little funk, and opened her eyes wide at Chloe's new discovery. Her smile glowed, as well as her eyes, as she waited for Beca to elaborate.

“Uh-yeah, yeah, but just-just Emily.” Beca tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and walked over to the fridge. She moved her eyes to Emily, Chloe, and the handle of the fridge repeatedly. “Her mom thought it'd be a good idea, so…” she opened the fridge and just let the cool air hit her for second, and she stared at the beer.

“And it totally was! She's like the best! She's like-she’s like so-so-” Beca turned around with her two beers and looked at her with a smirk.

“Try not to sprain your tongue, Kid.” She clicked her tongue and uncapped the beer.

“Sorry, B, but she's just great.”

“Yes, she definitely is.” Katherine walked into the kitchen and opened the oven, the smell of cinnamon flooded the entire house. Beca felt the blush working it's way up to her face from her chest. She wasn't used to the genuine admiration and just simple kindness, she was only used to more selfish motives than no motives at all.

“Let me help you that, Mrs. Junk.” Chloe put on a flower print pair of oven mitts from the drawer next to the counter and she pulled out two pies and followed her out to the dining room. Beca could hear Katherine as they exited the kitchen.

“I told you, sweetheart, call me Katherine.” Beca looked over at Emily, who was smiling softly at her. Beca looked at her and she smirked at her immaturity.

“What's with the creepy face, Em?” Emily shook her head refusing to tell. “Whatever, don't let ma catch you with that Screw Driver, kid.” Beca said as she threw her bottle caps away.

“It's not spiked, B,” She argued, taking a small sip and making a face. “Just sour.”

“Well, then let me have a drink.” Beca raised one suspicious eyebrow at her.

“No, I-”

“Exactly.” Beca smirked and she walked away hearing Emily call her a ‘midget narc’. She felt rather smug with the thought of having seniority.

She brought the beer to Don and he looked up at her with a small, fake exhausted look. “Did you run off and _make_ the beer, Tiny Mouse?” Beca gasped dramatically and leaned into the recliner.

“If I _had_ been your waitress, that would've been _my_ saliva in _your_ refill, Don.” he smacked his lips and glared at her before shaking his head and letting out a gruff chuckle.

“If you say so, Rebeca, if you say so.” She smacked his arm and walked over to the table. She watched Chloe and Katherine talk more, Emily just standing by listening. What the hell was this?

* * *

 


	10. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys but here you go :)

* * *

 

**November 23rd**

She lifted her head off of the pillow, but the ache just made her put it back down. She stared up at the ceiling, and she remembered that just hours before she'd spent the night talking to _Beca_ , drinking _with Beca_ , _laughing with Beca_. It wasn't strange or unusual, it was the start of _something_.Had she beenhungover? A little bit. Was that a _totally_ bad thing? Not necessarily, but all Chloe knew was that she was completely alone and starving.

It was a good night, it was, but damn Chloe had regretted those drinks she had. Not all of them, but if there was a headache present the next morning chances were there were that some she could've done without. Chloe righted herself on the couch, no matter how hard her muscles seemed to protest against it.

She saw the dim light coming from the windows, she wrapped the blanket around her tighter, feeling the cold air hit her skin where the blanket left her exposed. Her bare foot touched the floor, but she immediately retreated feeling the blunt coldness assaulting her previously warm sole. Her head felt heavy, and her stomach groaned loud, then she decided that walking on the freezing floor was worth the hangover relief and food.

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe waited around mostly, she couldn't really do anything else really. She read the same magazines a few times and she did a very slow and thorough walk through of the area, then back to the kitchen table. She looked at the bookshelf in the far corner next to the window. She walked over to look at all the books, most of them textbooks, a few novels. Nothing from any cliché series, they all seemed to be thick and hefty classics, there was a large book of all Shakespeare's work and Edgar Allen Poe as well.

Quite the bookworm, but Chloe privately chuckled to herself when she saw that they all had library stickers on the spines. She pulled out her copy of Huckleberry Finn, she figured it was read so many times seeing the dog eared pages and broken spine. She opened it to see it's last check out date, Beca seemed to ‘ _accidentally’,_ on purpose, steal books from the library.

She laughed to herself and started reading the first page, there were notes all in the margin, she heard keys jingling and the doorknob twisted, she didn't know why but she felt guilty looking through Beca's library of stolen books. Beca was coming through the door, Chloe watched her trudge over to the kitchen. Her bag hit the table hard, Beca huffed and puffed, she had her back facing Chloe.

She frustratedly yanked away her green apron. Something felt different, Chloe had seen her walk in the door every day for the past five, but Chloe figure that that was crazy talk. She couldn't just make a snap judgement just because they'd become friends only hours earlier. Were they friends? _Oh goodness._ “Beca?”

She called out loud enough, she should've turned around, Chloe barely registered the earbuds in, she watched how violently her hair whipped around her, followed her every hurried movement. Her back was still to Chloe, she leaned against the wall and assessed her body language.

Her best guess was Beca was peeved, but that might just be something she hadn't seen that was practically normal to the short brunette. She caught her lip between her teeth as she thought about their weird friendship or coexistence, when Beca turned around.

“Dude!” Beca yanked her earbuds out. Chloe straightened her posture, she smoothed her hands over her pants and twiddled her fingers in front of herself.

“I'm sorry, I feel like a creep, or-or something-” she looked at Beca, she watched her soft blue eyes disappear from view behind her eyelids as she shook her head and waved her hands in front of her. She watched Beca wind up her earbuds, and she sighed before looking at her.

“It's-it’s okay, you're not a creep or anything, I'm sorry I didn't even-” she huffed and shook her head again. “Hey there… Chloe.” when she opened her eyes again it was Chloe's cue to say something back. She was just caught gawking, not gawking, _leering._ Since when does Chloe Beale leer?

“Hi… everything uh-everything okay there, dude?” she scrunched her nose and placed her hand on her hips at the foreign word that came out of her mouth. She looked at Beca, who was snickering as she made her way into the kitchen.

“Did you just call me _'dude’?_ ” she started pulling a bottle from the fridge. Chloe didn't know what to say, but she noticed the beer in her hands.

“Rough day?” It was a force of habit, she'd always ask Aubrey when they went to school together. She missed Aubrey so, she missed having a best friend. She brought her attention back to her new sort-of friend. They were friends now, right?

“You have _no_ idea.”

 

* * *

 

 

She had no idea how long she'd been talking to Beca. She said  _barely_ anything about her actual day, other than 'fine', but the words 'You have _no_ idea.’ spiraled into different conversation outlets, about things like Beca's ridiculous assumptions of her life.

Well they weren't entirely ridiculous, or assumptions, they were actually really good guesses at her life. “Okay, so I was a cheerleader, _big_ _whoop_.” Chloe said, dramatically gesticulating her hand with the joint between her forefinger and thumb.

“ _Yes,_ you were and that further proved my point.”  she shook her head and Beca reached for the joint and Chloe found her height as an advantage and held it out far from her. “Hey, hey! Come on, sharing is caring!” Chloe let her face just fell into a serious frown.

“But, I _don't_ care.” she looked at her with the same expression for about five seconds before she finally caved into the adorableness of her pouty face and small stature. She finally handed Beca the joint, she'd felt out of her usual mood, she knew this was going to be good, she knew it.

“What _is_ your point anyway?” She cocked an eyebrow at her, watching her face scrunch with the smoke she was holding in. She coughed it out and laughed as she wafted off the smoke.

“You're funny.” She passed it back.

“What do you mean?” She was curious, the brunette had this smirk on her face. She felt her mouth hanging open, laughing a breathy laugh, she almost felt a little winded. There was something behind her expression, she couldn't pinpoint it exactly. She didn't know, and Chloe liked to be certain but this time she didn't know.

 

* * *

 

 

**November 24th**

“So, we went to elementary school and high school together, and I'm here now because…?” Chloe twiddled her fingers gets in her lap, she looked at Beca. She pulled over in front of a house and she gulped.

“Okay, dude, chances are they will just embarrass me _the whole time_ , so this is just in case they ask about _you._ You're gonna be fine, it's not that big of a deal _.”_ Chloe just nodded, Beca knew these people, if she said she was going to be fine then she was going to be fine.

“But… it kind of _is_ a big deal, this is your therapist and her family…” Chloe went quiet for a second, it was weird that they were going to her _therapist's_ house for Thanksgiving. Did Beca _not_ have a family? “And we're about to _lie_ to them, so…” Beca unbuckled her seat belt and turned to face Chloe. It was serious, but soft and understanding.

“Okay, whatever happens in there, it's… it's gonna be fine. Just… stop freaking out, okay?”

“Okay.” Chloe unbuckled herself and got out of the car. She looked at the house and then back at Beca. She followed Beca inside the gate and up to the porch, the snow crunched under their shoes. The shoes were a tad bit uncomfortable since they were snug on Chloe's feet.

Beca looked at her from the corner of her eye and smiled just a little bit, then she bumped Chloe on the walkway. Chloe almost toppled over, she grabbed onto Beca's arm and pulled herself back to balance.

“I hate you!” She laughed and dusted nothing off of herself.

“Yeah, I hate me too.” Beca just looked back to the door and waited for her to keep walking. _Did she just say that?_ Chloe's smile faltered just a little, she was in shock that she had just said that. She could see Beca's unease, she should've never said that. They walked up the steps in the silence Chloe created and waited at the door after Beca pressed the doorbell.

It was cold, and it was quiet, and Beca was standing right next to her after she said something stupid. It wasn't such a great start to Thanksgiving. Beca looked over and gave a small smile, Chloe smiled back a little, but then she remembered what she just said and looked up at the doorway.

She couldn't look at Beca now, not having just said that. She felt stupid. She felt Beca getting tense next to her after ringing the doorbell so many times, and then it opened. _Thank. God._

“Beca, sweetheart, you _know_ you don't have to ring. You can just come inside, it's your home too.” the warm air hit her, and she could tell something was in the oven because whatever it was smelled amazing.

“I-I know, but you know I don't like to barge in.” Chloe felt extremely guilty knowing she was the one that made Beca uncomfortable just now.

“Chloe, hi, how are you? Come in, come in.” Katherine distracted her from Beca, it was time to pretend to fit in now.

“I'm good, Mrs. Junk, how are you?” she smiled wide, and then Beca looked right at her. She felt a sudden dip in her focus but then Katherine was talking again.

“I'm well, but please, _Katherine_ sweetheart.” she felt like she was doing pretty good, she looked at Beca again, who was smiling and somewhat laughing. She jutted her thumb to the door and Chloe snapped that they were already invited in and she was just staring at Beca now. She followed in after Katherine, there a man she could only assume was her husband, and then suddenly another younger brunette girl was running towards them.

“Beca!” Chloe jumped a little seeing how hard the impact was when this girl basically tackled her. It was adorable, Chloe felt a smile spreading across her face. Chloe chuckled at this exchange, seeing Beca get throttle by this younger girl was the cutest thing ever.

“Dude!” she couldn't help but laugh at her shrieking. “Try not to kill me, yeah?” this was just adorable. She felt a little out of place watching from the outside, she scooted closer behind Beca and listened awkwardly. What was she thinking? She was crashing another family's Thanksgiving.

“Oh! This uh-this is Chloe, Chloe this Emily, say 'hi’, Em.” Chloe quickly clicked on a smile and looked at the girl approaching her.

“Hi! It's so nice to meet you!” She greeted her with a warm genuine smile that made Chloe's previously thoughts hush themselves for a moment. Emily went in for a hug, but she stopped.

“Oh, get in here! I love hugs!” Chloe invited her back in, she loved feeling close to people. She wasn't at all taken off by the tightness of the hug, she wrapped just as tight. She felt Beca's eyes on her.

“Let's try not to strangle my friend, Em.” Chloe smiled sweetly when she said 'friend’. Confirmation always felt nice, but then she remembered she was just playing a role in there.

“It’s fine, no strangling happening here.” Chloe lightly patted before she pulled apart from the hug. “It's so good to meet you.”

“You too, I-”

“Emily?” Chloe followed Emily's head looked toward the kitchen.

“Come on, let's go to the kitchen, I'm waiting for the pie to finish.” She grabbed a hold of Chloe's hand, and she allowed herself to be led by Beca's friend. This family was certainly welcoming, it gave her a good vibe. She'd been inside a house before, but it felt good to be in a home again.

* * *

 


	11. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently unhinged... so yeah... anyway enjoy!

* * *

 

“Do you like pie, Chloe?” Emily asked as they passed through the threshold of the kitchen. It smelled amazing in the kitchen, Chloe was right something delicious was being made.

“Is that even a question? Yeah, of course. What kind?” When she thought Emily's smile couldn't get bigger it did. Apparently a shared appreciation for pie was enough to to define the smile lines in her face.

“We have apple, pumpkin, and… cherry pie!” She started making guitar noises to the classic.

“She's my cherry pie, cool drink of water such a sweet surprise,” Emily looked shocked, as well as pleased, that she was singing along.

“Taste so good, make a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie.” Emily seemed to just ooze adorableness. Chloe just laughed and Emily too, it was good this was going good. Emily held her hand out for a high five.

“That was aca-awesome. Do you want a beer? You've defs earned it, girly.” Chloe was internally setting off confetti cannons in her head, she was crushing this fake friend thing so hard.

“Awe, thanks, Em. Sounds great.” She didn't fail to notice the use of 'aca-awesome’, that was going to be a pretty good ice breaker. Emily joined her at the counter, she popped open her beer and filled a cup with orange juice.

“You're not a narc, are you?” Chloe just quirked an eyebrow at the girl, it was an odd thing to say.

“No…?”

“Good!” She saw Emily grab a bottle of tequila from one of the cabinets. Chloe finally understood, and thought it was hilarious. They drank for a second in silence but then Chloe remembered her quirky words.

“So 'aca-awesome’, what's that about?” Emily looked as if she were dying for someone to ask about it so she could explain.

“Oh! It's just that I'm part of an acapella group.” her smile only grew, this girl was genuinely proud of herself.

“Oh, that's so cool! How long have you been singing?” She took a drink of her beer, watching Emily seeing the excitement coursing through her.

“Most of my life, yeah, I really loved to sing, but I didn't start taking lessons in music or joining groups until I was fourteen,” Chloe nodded and drank more beer, making sure to follow her story. “That's when we met Beca, she started giving me music lessons, and then I've just been singing ever since.”

“That's so cool. So Beca taught you music?” Emily took another drink of her secret Screw Driver.

“Yeah, she taught me music notation, how to harmonize, and to play a few instruments. She's even helping me with some songs I write, she's just such a good teacher.” Chloe was about to get the good stuff.

“Oh, is she? Tell me about that.” She leaned back on the counter and looked at Emily, she followed every word.

“She's just so good! At everything, the music, the band, she's great at it all! She helps me put a melody to my songs, and she's gonna let me be in the band soon, and she's just a great teacher, when she gets frustrated she's a little… not scary, but you just shouldn't pry, but she always comes around.”

Emily was spilling all the beans on Beca, which Chloe was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to do, but now if she had to come up with fake Beca stories she knew what type of personality would apply.

“And she's so good to me, she's like a _second_ mom almost because she's always keeping her eyes up for anything. She loves me, I know she does, but she just won't admit that she's a ginormous softy.” Chloe couldn't help but laugh at that one. She pegged Beca as a softy now after they've started interacting more often.

“Her boss, he was hitting on me one time, and me being all young and you know, stupid, I was like 'Oh my God, he's talking to me!’ but he was such a dick!” Chloe choked on her beer a little bit, she was not expecting that word to come out of this sweet girl.

“Sorry, that was crass wasn't it? Anyway, he always called me ‘Emma’ and Beca just warded him off, I hated her for it at the time, but I kinda just figured she only wanted what was best.” Chloe nodded, she knew Beca was something, but now it had only been confirmed.

“That's really great-” she saw Beca standing in the doorway, she was smiling and Chloe felt a sudden flutter. “Hey, Becs, we were just talking about you! You teach music too?” Beca seemed a little caught off guard with the question. She started walking up to the fridge, she tucked some rogue hair behind her ear.

“Uh-yeah, yeah, but just-just Emily.” Chloe watched her, and smiled harder at the fact that the awkwardness was a mutual and kind of constant thing. “Her mom thought it'd be a good idea, so…” she looked back at Emily who started talking again.

“And it totally was! She's like the best! She's like-she’s like so-so-”

“Try not to sprain your tongue, Kid.” she brought her attention back to Beca. She loved the way her brown waves cascaded down her shoulder, and framed her face perfectly. Everything about her physical features accented each other. Beca was beautiful.

“Sorry, B, but she's just great.” she was still staring at Beca, admiring her fair skin and sarcastic retorts, when Katherine joined them in the kitchen.

“Yes, she definitely is.” the next thing she knew the oven door was open and her mouth was watering at the scent of freshly baked goods. She was still looking at Beca, who was looking at Katherine. She couldn't be caught leering again, not that she was, so she made herself useful.

“Let me help you that, Mrs. Junk.” she quickly got oven mitts, and two pies, and followed her to the dining room.

 

* * *

 

 

“I told you, sweetheart, call me Katherine.” she smiled at the gesture. That meant she liked her, didn't it? She set the pies down on a small rack on the table. “Are you enjoying your time here in Ithaca?” She looked at Katherine and smiled warmly.

“Yeah, it's really nice here.” Katherine nodded and took off her oven mitts.

“The train, I'm sure, makes more ruckus over there at Beca's, but it grows on you.” She leaned on a chair and soon after Emily was there. “What brings you to town? Are you planning on staying?” _shit!_ It was time, she about to get caught in a lie. It was over now, it was all downhill from here.

“Oh-”

“What are you ladies talking about?” She looked to her right and there Beca was. _Thank God!_

“I was just asking Chloe what she was doing in town and if she was planning on staying.” Katherine didn't seem fazed by her reaction to the simple question, but she was a therapist she had to be good at it.

“Oh, well…” she looked at Chloe and smacked her tongue. “Chloe, I'm sorry, I have to say this,” she didn't give away her panic, but she was panicking. What happened to lying to them? Chloe always believed that you didn't get anything out of lying, but this had been different.

“Chloe's just going through a _very_ rough patch, she rang and asked if I could go get her.” Chloe's mouth hung open slightly, but she snapped it shut before anyone could notice. What was Beca doing? “She just needed to get away.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Katherine put her hand on Chloe's shoulder, and she brought her out of her head. “I'm sorry to hear that.” Chloe just nodded and gave sad smile. She looked at Beca who was smiling at her. She was _smiling_ at her. Wait was she? That didn't matter, she was smiling a type of smile that kept the flutter in her chest going. What the hell was this?

 

* * *

 

 

“Bye, Tiny Mouse, I expect to see you around more.” Don said giving her a big hug.

“You'll see me for Em’s lessons, and who else is gonna harass me at the diner?” Chloe stood there on the porch with her, saying their goodbyes. “Bye, Kat, thanks for having us.”

“Of course, of course, always welcome, Chloe get in here!” Chloe smiled wide, the whole family was inviting her into a hug, Beca too. She felt Beca close, she was looking at her. Why was she looking at her? They all let go and the Junks went back inside. Beca caught her in an unexpected hug, and squeezed tight.

“We did it!” Beca said, but Chloe assumed she caught herself because she pulled away as fast as she went in.

“Yeah… I guess we did, didn't we?” Chloe just smiled fondly at this new discovered person. They started walking down the steps and Chloe stepped wrong on the ice and almost slipped. Beca caught her by the bend of her elbow and brought her back up.

“You okay?” She had her arm looped in Beca's. She looked into her eyes and they were just so entrancing, she almost forgot what words were.

“Yeah, thanks.” She stood up straight, but Beca didn't let go of her arm. This was new. They just walked the rest of the way to the car.

When they pulled away and started back home, Chloe could see Beca grinning and taking peeks at her from the driver's seat. She wondered where their weird relationship stood, was all that friendliness and saving each other just her trying to save herself? “Hey, Beca?”

“What's up?” She stole a look at Chloe, Beca furrowed her brow seeing Chloe's obvious nerves. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… I just… we _are_ friends, right?” Beca chuckled and that made Chloe frown. She was trying to level with Beca and she was laughing.

“Yes, Chloe, we are friends.” Beca stopped immediately and she started stumbling on her words. “I-I mean uh-if you, uh-if you want to be friends, I mean if not it's totally fine-” Chloe couldn't help but laugh, Beca's mirrored nervousness about being friends was comforting and adorable.

“No, no, I want to be friends.” she smiled at Beca and watched her release her tight grip on the steering wheel. “Thanks for covering for me back there too.”

“Oh yeah, no problem, dude.” She was glad she could say they were friends now. She was practically living in her house, rent free, and wearing her clothes and eating out of the fridge, it was just so weird that there wasn't a clear label for whatever it was that they had, but now she could see that it _was_ friendship, just fairly new.

“You wanna eat Thanksgiving leftovers and watch reruns of classic sitcoms till we pass out?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Maybe this Thanksgiving was actually better than it looked from the outside. You just had to feel it.

* * *

 


	12. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might start getting rocky... just saying but it is kind of short and I'm sorry but enjoy?

* * *

 

**November 28th**

There was only such a short window of time before you get stuck having a friend. They creep up on you like friendly ninjas, and then they continue to associate themselves with you. Why Chloe, who Beca noted last name is Beale, would still associate herself with Beca, was beyond her.

Again to recall that she practically witnessed and interrupted a suicide attempt. She'd stopped her life in its tracks in it's way to the end, and turned it around, and accompanied her to her therapist's house for Thanksgiving. Seriously, how was any of this normal? Chloe didn't know what she signing herself up for.

She was definitely the opposite of the type of person Chloe would be friends with. If this had been high school, there is _no_ possible way someone like Chloe would be friends with her, much less smile at her in the hallway. The girl was a cheerleader for crying out loud! Beca just thought of her as a friend because friends don't just completely throw you under the bus and leave you in your own sticky situation.

Chloe was there, even though Beca was almost positive she didn't really have anywhere else to go, and her place was a last resort, she was still there. But Beca found it better that she just not speak about things, or else Chloe would definitely run for the hills. She'd already let one thing slip, and Chloe seemed to respect her boundaries when it came to asking about her day. 'Fine’ meant 'I’m not sure if I trust you yet.’ and Beca used that. A lot.

Trust wasn't something Beca just gave out anymore, it was earned like the cold hard cash she'd put down for everything she'd wanted when she moved here. 'Good’ meant 'It really was good, but I don't want to bore you with the details.’ Beca used that once, it was the day after Thanksgiving, and it was because they literally had no customers whatsoever.

She got home early, and was a surprise to Chloe. If you actually got an explanation, you were _way_ deep, and there was no turning back because once you know all of Beca Mitchell's secrets, you better be in it for life. Beca wasn't a person to mess with. Not anymore, anyway. But here Beca was with another friend. An unexpected type at that.

“Can you pass me my beer?” Beca was curled up into the corner of the couch.

“Here.” Chloe smiled at her as she passed her beer to her and sat on the couch. “What’s next?”

“Um, The Nanny.” Beca looked at Chloe's face get brighter as her smile grew wider.

“I love The Nanny!” she screamed and sat closer to Beca.

“Really? I couldn't tell.” Chloe threw her a playful side glance and sat right next to Beca. She smiled so wide at the TV when the show's intro started. She moved her hair to the left side of her neck, Beca looked hard at her profile. Her long red hair and those blue eyes were key ingredients to a heartbreaking girl, everyone knew that. But it's whatever, Beca wasn't even attracted to her, it's fine.

It'd be _totally_ against the rules if she was, the girl was a runaway bride and Beca was not about being some weird creep on the rebound anyway. Beca’s never even _had_ a girlfriend before, _or_ a boyfriend. She was fine by herself, by herself was good. But maybe it wouldn't hurt if she _did_ have somebody.

She looked at Chloe and she looked back and smiled at Beca before she turned her attention back to the TV. What was she doing? Chloe wouldn't want to stick around, it's ridiculous to even think that. After she's gotten better look at who Beca was, she'd leave just like mom.

 

_“Yeah, I hate me too.”_

 

Who says stuff like that? Why would she say that? Chloe was just kidding, so maybe she'd think Beca was just kidding too? Beca just looked at the TV and ignored the gaping hole in her chest. She was fine, it was fine. It's fine… right?

 

* * *

 

 

……

**“This is our little secret, okay?”**

……

Beca jerked her body, and woke up. Her head had been on Chloe's shoulder and she woke and looked down at the short woman. “Hey-” Beca quickly rose from the couch and stood up.

“Hey… hey, uh-I have to go to work-”

“Beca, what? It's like,” Chloe glanced at the clock above the door and looked at Beca with sleep ridden eyes. “Three in the morning.” Beca pulled on her shoes and got her apron from the kitchen table. Beca fell asleep on _her shoulder_ , she was _invading her space_ , she was a runaway bride and Beca was invading her space. This was _so_ not okay.

“Yeah, yeah! I know I uh-I have to get there early to uh-I’ll be back. Bye.”

 

* * *

 

 

Beca didn't even know where she was going, her shift wasn't for another two hours. She found herself going to Stacie's. No Stacie wouldn't be upset, and no it was not weird to show up to your sister's house at such an unholy hour, Stacie would understand. She pulled up to the sidewalk in front of her place and almost ran up the steps. Beca knocked a million times, and then waited, and then knocked a million more times. She tried to avoid eye contact with the few random people walking.

Good to know she wasn't the only one up. But why _were_ they up? Before Beca could get too into it, the door opened. “What the hell? People are _trying_ to sleep-” Stacie completely moved her eye mask and squinted at Beca and then her eyes grew wide with worry.

“Beca, honey, are you okay? What are you doing? It's so late, oh my God it's freezing, where's your jacket? Oh, God, you must be freezing, where have you been? Get in here!” Stacie quickly pulled her inside after her rapid fire questions.

 

* * *

 

 

The warm air in her apartment covered here, _Beca_ had barely realized she _didn't_ grab her coat. “Here, sit down, sit down.” she sat on the couch and Stacie was quick to wrap her in a blanket, and somehow Beca missed that she had the coffee maker brewing coffee. “Are you okay? What's up? Why are you-”

“I just-” Beca snapped and then she calmed herself before speaking again, but before she knew it a coffee mug was being placed in her hands. “I just needed to get out of the house, but I won't be here long, I promise. I just need two hours, _two hours,_ to get some sleep.” then suddenly she was there with Stacie wrapped around her. She was shocked by the sudden gesture, but she just fell into it and she let herself be hugged.

“Let’s go to bed, sis.” Beca could tell that nothing else mattered right now, not her disappearance from work, not the radio silence, Stacie was just happy to see her.

Beca trailed Stacie up to her room, and she crawled into bed. Stacie wrapped her arms around her, shielding her from the cold air and her thoughts. Beca snuggled into her, it felt familiar, this was family, it was nice to be close with Stacie again.

“How come I always have to be the little spoon?” Beca asked in a hushed whisper in case she had already fallen asleep.

“Because you're too short to be the big spoon.” Beca elbowed her and they laughed. “Try not to disappear again, okay?”

“I won't.” Beca said and let her eyes close to stop the tears. She hadn't told Stacie anything, not about the attempt, not about Chloe, and not about the way she'd been thinking. She felt so guilty, she was going to up and leave Stacie behind. She couldn't suppress the shudder, but that only made Stacie hold tighter.

“Night, _Beca Boo_.” Stacie said and planted an affectionate kiss on her cheek. Beca wiped it away, pretending to be grossed out.

“Night, Stace.” She just hummed and with that she was asleep. But Beca was awake. That redhead didn't only invade her home, but apparently her thoughts too. But not randomly, it's not like she'd be randomly thinking about her, that'd be totally weird. She _did_ definitely freak her out now by leaving so suddenly at three in the morning. _Shit._

She just snuggled into Stacie. But Chloe deserved an explanation because they're friends and friends don't just freak out and leave after binge watching old TV shows. But had this been Jesse would she care? She wasn't supposed to care about this was she? Well of course she cared about this, but she'd always put it off until morning, but for some odd reason she just wanted to apologize. But why? What was happening to her?

* * *

 


	13. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to this one.

* * *

 

Chloe was panicking. Did she do something wrong? What would cause Beca to just up and leave? Nothing happened, she just fell asleep. It was a _completely_ innocent TV night, everything was fine, wasn't it?

Beca was so hard to read sometimes. Chloe just worked with what she got. 'Fine’ meant ‘I don't want to talk about it.’. 'Good’ meant 'It was eh, but I still don't want to talk about it.’. An actual response meant 'You’re okay.’ she didn't even get one of those answers before she left, she left with panic and left Chloe with a lot of it and some confusion too.

She could easily tell when Beca was in an off mood, but is she really in an off mood or was it just Chloe making it weird? Beca was just so reserved, Chloe couldn't really understand her.

 

_“I hate you!”_

 

_“Yeah, I hate me too.”_

 

What _was_ that about? Had that just been a joke? Chloe hoped it was just some mildly dark humor. She didn't want Beca to hate herself, there was nothing to hate. But then she didn't really know anything about her. But Chloe didn't even bother to argue that, it felt different since she's been around Beca.

It was strange, yes, and she _did_ just run away from her wedding, but with good reason, and it was not just the sense of freedom, or more like lack thereof. Something felt different, like the smiles on her face were genuine, and it felt more like familiar than anywhere else did, and Beca was gone for a good chunk of the day.

But who was she kidding? She obviously didn't fit in Beca's life. It wasn't her business, why she scampered off like that. They were friends, it's not like she was her wife. Chloe shook her head at that one. Who just thinks of stuff like that?

 

* * *

 

 

If she could just get a good read on this beautiful little introvert, then she'd be golden. But instead she was alone in Beca's apartment, she probably scared her off, and she didn't take her jacket _again_. Where was she? She was running late, but maybe they were holding her up at work or something. Chloe had barely slept, she couldn't bring her mind to a stop knowing something she did made Beca retreat.

She hadn't really just up and left like that, something put her off. She'd done it in the very early stages of Chloe's stay, but it was only out to smoke, and now something Chloe has done made her _drive away_ and not just stand outside the door. Was this just a 'Beca’ thing? Was just randomly dipping at three in the morning, not just a random thing?

There was a knock on the door, and Chloe froze in her tracks. If it was Beca, she would just come in, it's her home, why would she knock? Chloe quietly moved to the window, but she was careful to stay out of view. Her heart sank into her stomach and imploded, she felt all the warmth in her body disappear and the goosebumps on all her limbs stood. _Shit, shit, shit!_

There was a man and a woman standing outside, both professionally dressed. Agents. Aubrey and Chloe had encountered a few of them at the call center when they had to take a look at their call logs. They called them suits. She just ran away from her wedding and her awful would've-been husband, who was controlling, and her best friend and family, who probably missed her and was extremely worried. So no wonder why the suits were there.

Chloe wasn't ready, she didn't want to deal with this, she didn't want Beca to see this. The man and the woman stood there a little longer when the neighbor called them over. Whatever she said, that made them leave. It was only a matter of time before they came back.

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe anxiously paced the kitchen when she heard Beca's keys from outside. “Beca!” She ran to her at the door, Chloe grabbed and blanket and wrapped it around Beca to make up not having her jacket.

“Chloe, dude, you're kind of suffocating me.” She let go and looked at Beca, she had a giant bruise on her forehead.

“Oh my God, Beca, what happened to you? Why do you-”

“It's fine!” She winced when Beca snapped at her. Beca had never snapped at her before. Maybe it was something she did. “I'm sorry, but really, dude, it's fine.” Chloe just nodded and moved out of her way, she didn't want to overstep more than she probably already did. That was what this was, wasn't it? She just overstepped in one way and Beca just needed to recover from whatever type of intrusion.

Beca sunk into a chair at the table and Chloe was quick to get the coffee machine going. She watched Beca shrug out of the blanket to take off her white apron, Chloe didn't recognize this one, she knew the produce market aprons were green. Chloe got her coffee and she set it on the table across from Beca. She got a frozen burrito from the freezer and got Beca's hand and turned it over to put the burrito inside.

“Put this on your head.”

“Chloe, I'm fine, I-”

“Put. The. Burrito. On. Your. Head.” She wasn't going to ask again, Beca needed to do some explaining. What the hell happened? She'd been gone almost all day.

“Fine, alright, alright.” She put the burrito on her head and winced a little with the impact. “There, I put it on my head, happy?”

“Look on the bright side, Becs, you can heat it up when it thaws.” That made Beca grin just a little. “Can I ask where you were? Or is that an off the table question?” Beca sighed heavily and wrapped the blanket around herself again.

“I just went work at the market and Ruth's.” That would explain the different apron. She watched Beca and she took a sip of the coffee she brought her. It was the smallest of victories, but a victory no less.

“And can I ask about your head?”

“You kind of did, just now, but I slipped on the ice. It's fucking freezing out there.” She sat back into the chair and closed her eyes.

“Hey, Beca?” She only got a grunt in return. “Maybe you shouldn't close your eyes, you know, since you hit your head?” Beca's eyes shot open with that and she sat up.

“Yeah, you're probably right.” Beca leaned forward and placed her elbow on the table. Chloe didn't get it, even though she looked exhausted and she had a big bruise on her forehead, she still couldn't keep her eyes off of her. Chloe debated on telling her about the suits, she figured Beca wouldn't like being in the dark when they came back. Friends tell.

“So, hey, Beca… some people came by today.”

“Oh, really? What did they want?” Beca hummed and rubbed her eyes, she still had the burrito on her forehead. Chloe decided that sleepy Beca was totally adorable.

“I don't know, I didn't answer the door, because… well, I just thought you should know.” Beca looked at her and shrugged.

“Okay, if it's important, then they'll be back, no big.” she still felt like that wasn't enough.

“Actually, I think I know why-” Beca's phone started ringing.

“Hold on a sec, 'kay?” she waited. Maybe she just needed time.

* * *

 


	14. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresh out of the oven, sorry if it's a bit repetitive :(

* * *

 

It was late, the street lights were on and it was snowing again. She didn't have to stick around, but she figured some overtime at the diner might not be too bad. She went out back and paced by the dumpster. She decided to smoke a joint so maybe she'd relax, but it didn't seem to be doing anything. But maybe it would kick in later and it would be a totally awful idea to drive.

Beca shivered and kept pacing. She just needed time to recover from last night. What was wrong with her, they were just watching TV one minute and then the next minute she was flipping out. Invading her space was not a good idea if you didn't know her.

Chloe didn't know her, and frankly Beca didn't want Chloe to know her. Not that she didn't like Chloe, that wasn't the case, but if Chloe knew her she'd slowly back away with her hands up as if Beca were some sort of wild animal. The wasn't what she wanted.

“Hi, Beca.” She heard a whisper and she slipped and crashed into the floor. She felt the cold ground hitting her head, she laid on the floor for some time before whoever it was bent down to help her and roll her over. It was Lilly. Damn girl needed to speak up.

“Are you okay?” She could barely hear her, but maybe she was just hallucinating. She tried to move up, but she was too dizzy from the impact.

“Shit… dude, stop sneaking up on me, yeah?” Lilly just nodded and helped her up. Her head ached, but she managed. She just wanted to go home. “What are you doing back here anyway?”

“I was just performing a seance for the dead owner of the diner.” She could barely hear what Lilly said, but she honestly didn't want to know.

“Oh… that's nice. I'm gonna go home, 'kay? See you later, Lil.” Beca scurried off and got in her car.

 

* * *

 

 

Would Chloe stay? It wouldn't be a bad idea, Beca wouldn't mind sharing. It was okay, she just had to stay in her space. But of course she wouldn't stay, Beca already screwed that up, she wouldn't want to stay not after freaking out on her and being gone all day with no notice. Beca just pulled into the parking lot and unlocked her apartment.

“Beca!” All of the sudden she was covered in red hair and a blanket, all in one big grizzly bear hug. So Chloe _wasn't_ mad or weirded out? Chloe tightening the hug was enough of an answer for that.

“Chloe, dude, you're kind of suffocating me.” it'd be weird if she just stayed here, wrapped up in Chloe, right? It'd be really weird if that's what she wanted to do, but that's not at all what she wanted to do because that would be weird and Beca's not weird.

“Oh my God, Beca, what happened to you? Why do you-” all the questions were racking her brain, she'd fell and smacked her head not that long ago.

“It's fine!” She closed her eyes and started walking. She didn't mean to yell, she felt bad, Chloe was definitely weirded out now. It was refreshing to have someone wait for you to come home and greet you at the door, but she knew she shouldn't get used to it. Chloe would leave at some point, and all this would just be an awkward uncomfortable memory for her.

“I'm sorry, but really, dude, it's fine.” Beca slumped into the kitchen chair and let her sore muscles just melt. She needed to relax, that's all. Home felt nice. Now that she thought about it, it was just so weird referring to the apartment as home. That was definitely new. Again, she didn't know how she missed this, but there was coffee in her hand and for some reason a frozen burrito too.

“Put this on your head.” Beca was confused for a second, She was asking her to put a burrito on her head, why?

“Chloe, I'm fine, I-”

“Put. The. Burrito. On. Your. Head.” Beca was surprised at how stern Chloe's voice got. She looked at Chloe and her serious tone didn't back down.

“Fine, alright, alright.” Beca put the burrito on her head, she still didn't understand why, but when the burrito touched her forehead she realized it was for her bruise.

“There, I put it on my head, happy?” she didn't want to give away that Chloe was right. That was how things just unraveled wasn't it? Admittance. She didn't want to admit anything, because there was nothing to admit.

“Look on the bright side, Becs, you can heat it up when it thaws.” That was true, Beca had just realized she never took a lunch break today, she was beyond starving.

“Can I ask where you were? Or is that an off the table question?” Beca figured she owed her at least that much for freaking out and leaving all day.

“I just went work at the market and Ruth's.” Beca drank the coffee, but she was surprised to see that Chloe left it black. Had she really been paying that much attention? No, no, of course not. She wouldn't, it was just a coincidence.

“And can I ask about your head?” did she _really_ care? Well, they are friends and friends care about injuries, don't they? Beca brushed it off she was sure it was nothing.

“You kind of did, just now, but I slipped on the ice. It's fucking freezing out there.” Beca closed her eyes, all she wanted to do right now was sleep it off.

“Hey, Beca?” Beca could barely hear her, she was dozing off. “Maybe you shouldn't close your eyes, you know, since you hit your head?” she figured it wouldn't be a good idea if she fell asleep after possibly getting a concussion.

“Yeah, you're probably right.” she just admitted to something. Normally she would freak out, but she's freaked out enough today.

“So, hey, Beca… some people came by today.”

“Oh, really? What did they want?” Beca might be tired, but she knew that she never gets visitors. Like ever, except for Stacie, Jesse, and on occasion the Junks. It didn't make sense that she had someone knocking on her door and looking for her.

“I don't know, I didn't answer the door, because… well, I just thought you should know.” it would have been odd if she opened the door, but then again Chloe practically lived there, no matter how she wanted to say it. She lived in Beca's house, in fact it was no longer Beca's house, not anymore.

“Okay, if it's important, then they'll be back, no big.” Beca felt like a sack of rocks was dumped on her. She was so tired.

“Actually, I think I know why-” Beca's phone started ringing, and she reached for it.

“Hold on a sec, 'kay?” she wanted to hear what Chloe had to say, but it was Stacie and she couldn't disappear again, she promised. “Hello?”

“Hey short stuff, we need you here.”

“Stace, I'm kinda busy right now-”

“I haven't bothered you for two weeks, I just need you to come in at least once so Luke doesn't fire you and-” Stacie was right, she had to come back. The band was waiting for her, Stacie was waiting for her, and she didn't want to get fired. _Especially_ not by Luke.

“Okay! Okay, I'll be there, damn.”

“Thanks, short stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” she hung up and looked at Chloe, she looked a tad bit confused.

“Where are you going?” she could just say work and leave, but that wouldn't be cool. She didn't want to just leave Chloe alone again until two in the morning, that wouldn't be right.

“Work thing.” Beca started getting her things in order, which was pretty hard because she still felt off.

“You don't uh-want to come do you?” Chloe smiled at her and nodded. Beca felt that warm pooling again, she didn't understand it. What was happening? She pushed it aside, it was nothing, she was fine. It was fine. She made her way to the door with her keys and started to open the door when Chloe stopped her.

“Hey, hey, hey, you better put on a jacket.” Beca barely caught the jacket Chloe assaulted her with, and she laughed just a little bit.

“Okay, okay, I get it. Now let's go.”

 

* * *

 

 

As Beca drove, Chloe sang along to some song on the radio, and after about fifteen minutes into the drive Beca had realized she was singing every single word. “Do you have to know _every_ song that comes on?” Chloe gasped and pretended to be offended.

“I'm just a fan of music, Becs, can you blame me?” She was pulling out all the stops, she even did the fake pouty lip, but Beca just rolled her eyes. They pulled up to O’Neill's and Beca parked on the side.

“Alright, we here, weirdo, come on.” They walked into the pub, the endless chatter loud in their heads. Beca put her mouth right under Chloe's ear, and unconsciously put her hand at the small of her back. “I uh-have to do a thing, are you cool to wait here?”

“Yeah, I can wait.” Chloe nodded and Beca continued to lead the way. What was she going to tell Stacie? It wouldn't hurt to say she was a friend from school, but Stacie knew all her friends.

She could say family member, but there is beyond any resemblance and that would blow Stacie's mind because Beca hasn't talked to any family since she left, so there would be no possible way. Like none. Maybe Stacie wouldn't question it. She would explain later, she just needed some time.

“Hey Stace, this is Chloe. Chloe, Stacie.”

“Oh, this is new.” She suggestively grinned at Beca. She could feel her skin burning at that one comment. Nope, Stacie wasn't going to question it. Not tonight anyway.

“Yeah, um, she's gonna wait here. Cool? Cool.” Beca went up on stage and talked with the band members.

“She lives!” Jesse yelled as he high fived Cynthia Rose.

"We know, you're obsessed with me, weirdo." Beca just rolled her eyes and got on the small platform. “CR, Jess, Lilly,” she looked at Lilly with a wary expression remembering their conversation earlier.

She shuddered and she noticed the red hair still at the bar. She looked over and waved at Chloe. Lilly gave an inaudible mumble, and Beca got back to her band mates. “What are we playing tonight?” Jesse plugged in his guitar to the large amp on the side.

“Walking on Sunshine.” Beca griped at the song choice and since she hadn't been there, Jesse would take the lead.

“Ew, gag me.”

“With pleasure.” Jesse said as he tuned his guitar, she rolled her eyes and started tuning her own.

“There is no way we're getting caught dead singing _anything_ having to do with sunshine, Deaf Jew's brand is more important than one Englishman's orders. How else do you think America came to be?” Jesse laughed at her and Cynthia Rose strolled up with her microphone.

“Yeah, I don't think it happened like that, Cap.”

* * *

 


	15. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really important so I would pay attention... yeah, anyway enjoy!

* * *

 

“Hey, Beca, can I talk to you in the back really quick?” Stacie approached her on the side of the stage before she started her set. _Oh shit._

“Oh… okay, sure.” Stacie turned and started walking to the back, Beca hot on her heels. She looked at Chloe on her way back who only mirrored the panic inside now.

“So, who is she?” Beca knew what she was talking about, but was it _absolutely_ necessary to ask this before her set?

“Who?” She tried to play it off, but Stacie just narrowed her eyes and tilted her head.

“Seriously, Beca, who is she?”

“A friend.” Beca shrugged and tried to walk back out to the pub, but Stacie pulled her back.

“A friend who goes _'way back’_ and has known you since high school?” Stacie wasn't angry she was just wondering who this random stranger was, who just also happened to have a fake cover story ready.

“I uh-I can explain?” Just then Lilly appeared behind Stacie, holding her five fingers up. “Thanks, Lil,” she let out a long breath, and waved her off. She was saved by her silent interruption. She couldn't lie to Stacie, but she needed to talk to Chloe about this first.

It wasn't a good idea to throw your kind-of roommate under the bus. _Roommate?_ She hadn't thought of that word. It seemed to set something off in her head. She felt a fog fall over her thoughts, and she decided she wouldn't think of it just yet. She focused her eyes on Chloe, who was looking over with a worried expression.

“Beca?” She looked back to Stacie, who seemed concerned with her sudden space out.

“Yeah, yeah, s-sorry. We'll explain, but she's cool alright? It's fine, I promise.”

“'We’, huh?” Stacie trusted her, but now that it was already a pending conversation it was time for the teasing.

“Not like that, you weirdo.” Beca said flatly, trying to hide her obvious blush from view. “I should-I should uh-get up there.” Stacie moved out of her way and smirked at her, she passed Chloe at the bar and continued on her way to the stage.

 

* * *

 

 

Beca felt the stage lights heating up her skin, she usually wasn't so nervous. She was staring long and hard at the bar, she saw Chloe just talking to Stacie. She felt her cheek get hotter under the light, something about that redhead intensified all her senses and set off all her nerves. She shook her head as if it would release the air bubbles in her brain.

“Becaw, you okay?” Jesse put his hand on her shoulder and she whipped her head around to look at him.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Are you ready? You guys ready?” She looked at them all, each of them giving her a solid nod. “Okay, Jess, let's do it?”

“Yeah,” he smiled wide at her, she only half-heartedly smiled back at him, her attention was elsewhere. “Hey, everybody, thanks for coming out tonight. We are… Deaf Jew!” the opening beat started to the song and Beca still had her eyes glued on Chloe, who was still speaking with Stacie. What were they talking about? Would Stacie flip out on her?

Beca brought herself out of it and looked to the rest of her bandmates, who were looking at her waiting for her to sing along. “I'm walking on sunshine. And don't it feel good. Hey, alright now, and don't it feel good-” okay, no she wasn't having this. Screw Luke. She was not about to sing Walking on Sunshine in front of Chloe. Why did that matter? It wasn't the time for questions, it was a time for actions.

“It's goin’ down, fade to Blackstreet, The homies got rb, collab' creations, bump like acne, no doubt.” the entire group stopped at Beca's ballsy decision. “A dog couldn't catch me straight up. Tell me who can stop when Dre makin' moves, attracting honeys like a magnet. Giving 'em eargasms with my mellow accent.”

Beca's rap slowed as she looked at Chloe across the pub, who was obviously shocked, and Cynthia Rose, who had a small smirk on her small lips. “Still moving this flavor, with the homies blackstreet and teddy, the original rump shakers.” the whole pub was silent. She looked at Jesse.

“Keep going.” He was in such awe, they dropped the original song, Beca could see Luke standing behind the bar, glaring at them. All the more motivation to do the opposite of what he said.

“Shorty get down, good lord. Baby got 'em up open all over town. Strictly biz, she don't play around, cover much ground, got game by the pound.” Lilly started on the beat, the beat started.

“Gettin’ game is a forte, each and every day, true playa way. I can't get her out of my mind, I think about the girl all the time.” that's when Cynthia Rose came through with a soulful run and sang with her.

“I like the way you work it, no diggity, I got to bag it up, baby.”

“I like the way you work it, no diggity, I got to bag it up.” The whole bar was vocalizing, and Chloe was singing too. Beca could see her swaying and bobbing her head to the music. She smiled and she turned to the band and kept going with the song. This was what Deaf Jew was supposed to sound like. It should sound like a few friends just having fun and working together, not some generic cover group. They were more than that.

She looked over at Jesse who was now singing along, after having dropped his jaw on the floor. They were through most of the song now, she'd let Cynthia Rose cover the rest of the rapping since she'd already had the chorus. She smiled at him and walked up to share the microphone with him. “I like the way you work it,”

“No diggity,”

“I gotta bag it up, baby, we out.” there was a thunderous applause from the audience, she was looking right at Jesse.

“Dude.” His eyes were wide and his mouth was in an open mouthed smile, panting.

“I know.” She was brought out of it when she heard Stacie's 'woo’s’, but also accompanied by someone else's. She looked to the bar and saw Chloe smiling wide, and then she saw Luke. She could feel his frustrations from the stage. “Thank you, everybody, we'll be right back!” She looked back at Jesse and the girls.

“You guys take five, I'll deal with the blonde monster.” All of them grabbed their water bottles and they took a small break by the stage. Beca trotted off, she was looking in one direction, Chloe looked at her, and then she finally got to the end of the bar.

“Stace, get me a water, will you?” Beca leaned into the bar, her head still hurt and she leaned forward, resting her head on her arms. Stacie put the water against her arm and she felt the cold, she jolted up and then Luke was approaching her. She looked back at Chloe.

“I think I remember telling you to play a certain song.” He stood in front of Beca, slightly looking down at her. “Oh, wait. Not you, that other one, Johnny or something-”

“ _His name_ ,” Beca narrowed her eyes, and he crossed her arms. Insult her, but don't go after her people. “Is Jesse.”

“Look, Becky-”

“Beca. My name is Beca.” Beca interjected, his face grew slightly red. “What's the matter, Luke? Got you all hot and bothered?” He took a step closer, and Beca felt a hand between her shoulder blades. Stacie was always good at having her back, especially when it came to work issues and Luke. The two went hand in hand, really.

“I don't care what you call yourself,” she kept her rebellious smirk on her face as he continued to invade her bubble. “My pub, my rules. I do not need an annoying little shit like you,” he pointed a finger at her, he was almost touching her chest. The hand on her back seemed to tense up. “Undermining me, is that clear?”

“Crystal.” She never once broke the intense staring contest between her and Luke. He looked at whoever it was behind her and then he walked off.

She turned and was totally surprised to see that it was Chloe. Her heart stopped immediately, despite being so confident just a minute ago she felt like she was completely out of air. “Hi.” She said breathlessly looking at Chloe with raised eyebrows.

“Hi.” Beca awkwardly chuckled once and turned her body to the bar to get her water, but her eyes never left Chloe. “I thought you needed a hand, but from what I heard,” Chloe looked over Beca's shoulder, Beca looked back to see that she was eyeing Luke. “You seemed okay.” She looked back at Beca and smirked. She tilted her head to the side and scrunched her nose at Chloe's statement.

“Just 'okay?'” She had no idea where that came from. Why was she still talking? Beca decided that she should never speak again after that and she should pretend to take a vow of silence. Chloe opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by Stacie.

“Beca, that was great!” She caught Beca in a side hug and planted a kiss on her temple. She wiped it away and Stacie laughed, but she saw a new look on Chloe's face as she stared at her. She hadn't seen this look before, in the week that she'd grown to kind-of know her, not once has she seen this look. It made her stomach tense, and her palms get sweaty. Something in the atmosphere changed.

* * *

 


	16. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible human for this one... you'll see... I'm sorry...

* * *

 

“Yeah, I can wait.” Chloe followed Beca to the bar. It was exciting to be out with Beca. Well, not _with_ Beca, but just out to see what she did. The girl made it seem like everything she did should remain anonymous, but a lot of the things she'd told Chloe sounded wonderful.

She figured Beca wouldn't view it like that, she'd find _something_ to down play the fact that she was doing so much for barely anything in return. It was pretty amazing.

“Hey Stace, this is Chloe. Chloe, Stacie.” she was the girl from the pictures in the apartment. That picture did her no justice, she was beautiful. Chloe assumed that this tall drink of water had to be Beca's girlfriend. _Of course._ There was a feeling stewing in her stomach, but she couldn't put a finger on it.

“Oh, this is new.” She definitely picked up her tone and took note if her smile. So maybe Chloe was a bit of a stretch to guess that they were an item. Which they probably weren't. Right? Chloe could see her blushing hard under her tired, brooding face. Embarrassed Beca was definitely adorable.

“Yeah, um, she's gonna wait here. Cool? Cool.” Beca went up on stage and left Chloe alone with Stacie at the bar. Chloe already had it down. Play it cool, relax until Beca gets back, give no reason to make her think anything else.

“So, how do you know Beca?” Stacie handed Chloe a shot from across the bar. She raised her eyebrows and took her own shot. Chloe did the shot, without so much as making a face. She was supposed to pretend to know Beca.

“I grew up in Yonkers.” Stacie raised her eyebrows and smiled wide. Chloe could understand why,  _of course,_ this would be Beca's girlfriend. She was beautiful, and Chloe was sure she wouldn't be thrilled about having stayed at Beca's for a week. She felt that feeling in her stomach again. She was looking at Beca getting everything ready, Beca waved at her and she smiled.

“Oh, really? Me too!” _shit._ She wasn't expecting her to be from Yonkers.

“Yeah, me and Beca go way back.” _why would you say that?_ She was digging herself in a deeper hole now.

“Oh my God, me too. How long have you known her?”

“Uh-hi-high school, you?” Chloe felt her palms begin to sweat, this wasn't good.

“Kindergarten.” _oh shit._

 

* * *

 

 

Did Beca tell her? She left the back room behind the bar with a nervous face, but Beca didn't tell her right? Well, if she did it wouldn't be _that_ big of a deal. The only explanation needed was 'I didn't want to get married, Beca was there. She drove me here, and I've been here ever since.’ they didn't need anything else right? Beca had already confirmed that she wasn't a serial killer when she jumped when Beca entered the room without making so much as a sound. There was nothing that said 'serial killer’ about this gal. She was kind and sweet, and apparently very awkward nowadays. This wouldn't change anything would it?

Beca's girlfriend probably understood why she was staying there in the first place. She wouldn't have to leave, would she? Chloe found herself getting slightly nauseous, but she looked to the stage and saw Beca talking with her friends. She fit into this crowd. She was made for this type of setting. But Chloe didn't fit in her life, she was just a random girl who needed saving right? _But Beca said we were friends._ She decided to focus on that, she would deal with the rest later.

“She's a gem, isn't she?” she didn't look at Stacie, her eyes were on Beca.

“Oh, definitely.” she answered without making eye contact, and then she looked at Stacie, her ears felt hot when she realized she was just caught staring. She shook her head and looked down at her fingers and picked at them.

“You should let me take care of those.” she looked at Stacie, who was leaning across the bar talking to her.

“You do nails?”

“Cuticle care. It’s a hobby of mine.” she heard the band stop playing and someone rapping. She looked over to the stage and her jaw dropped.

“It's goin’ down, fade to Blackstreet, The homies got rb, collab' creations, bump like acne, no doubt.” Chloe looked onto stage and her mouth hung open in awe of the girl spitting rhymes, to a song she didn’t recognize. She felt Stacie's fingertips under her chin, closing her jaw for her.

“You're gonna catch flies.” Chloe laughed a little, but her focus was still on Beca. It was only Beca on that stage, and only Chloe in the crowd.

“A dog couldn't catch me straight up. Tell me who can stop when Dre makin' moves, attracting honeys like a magnet. Giving 'em eargasms with my mellow accent.” Beca's rap slowed as she looked toward the girl at her left. “Still moving this flavor, with the homies blackstreet and teddy, the original rump shakers.” _Oh my God, she did not just... Nope that was all in my head._

“Shorty get down, good lord. Baby got 'em up open all over town. Strictly biz, she don't play around, cover much ground, got game by the pound.” the rest of the band started playing, the beat started and another girl joined her voice.

“Gettin’ game Is a forte, each and every day, true playa way. I can't get her out of my mind, I think about the girl all the time.” Then the girl on her left started singing, but it was still Beca. Her eyes were on Beca, but before she knew it she was swaying to the music and singing, and rolling her hips. Beca's voice woke something up that she thought was dead.

“I like the way you work it, no diggity, I got to bag it up, baby.”

“I like the way you work it, no diggity, I got to bag it up.” She saw Beca smile, and she saw the way each word came off the curve of her lips with no effort. Beca turned to the band and Chloe couldn't help but smile wide as she wrapped up the song.

“I gotta bag it up, baby, we out.” the patrons roared and Chloe couldn’t stop clapping and whooping. Stacie looked at Chloe and her eyebrows jumped up in a smug and indicative smirk. Beca Mitchell definitely was a gem. “Thank you, everybody, we'll be right back!”

 

* * *

 

 

Between finding out about her band, Katherine spilling the beans on her Master's degree in music theory, and giving music lessons to a girl whose dreams are possibly bigger than her body, nothing was as surprising as this.

They had finished the last song for the night, and the pub was closing. They sat at bar, Chloe listened to the stories being exchanged. Beca was throwing the shots back pretty hard, but then Chloe was too. How would they get home? It didn't matter right now. “Speaking of battle wounds, who beat you up, Cap?” Cynthia Rose asked before she licked the salt from her hand.

“Beat me up? You should see the other guy.” Chloe could've sworn she smiled at her, but maybe it was the liquor. Chloe was handed another shot, she licked the salt off her hand, and she put the shot glass up to her lips and let the amber liquid drip down her throat.

“Yeah, she taught that ice a lesson.” The smallest girl behind the bar said. Chloe frowned, she didn't recall hearing her say _anything_ at all when the group got together.

“Oh, so _now_ you wanna speak up?” They all laughed and Beca looked at Chloe again. “Okay guys, I'm starving, Chloe?” Chloe found herself tongue tied, she settled for a nod. “Ladies, gent's, and also Jesse,” she saw him playfully punch her in the shoulder.

“Food?” She walked over and stood next to Stacie, Chloe felt a clench in her stomach. All of them came to a consensus and agreed that they were all hungry. “Alright, come on, Chloe.” she lead Chloe out first and the rest of the followed.

“What could possibly be open right now?” Chloe asked incredulously as they walked out to the sidewalk.

“You'll see.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my God, this is _the best_ cheeseburger I've ever had!” Chloe hadn't realized exactly how hungry she was until she took the first bite. Chloe looked out the bright neon sign that read Laguna Burger.

“How did I not know this place existed?” Beca just shrugged, she was focused on her burger, they were eating in the parking lot outside of the car. All of them were inside or running amuck throughout the little area.

“So what other things do I not know about you, Beca Mitchell? You give music lessons, have a band and _can sing_ , your girlfriend is _beautiful_ -”

“Girlfriend? What girlfriend?” Beca asked, and Chloe could feel the blush rushing to her cheeks.

“The-the tall one, St-Stacie.” Beca burst out laughing, Chloe thought it was embarrassing, but it wasn't _that_ funny.

“Dude, she's like my sister.” Beca stopped chewing, she looked horrified.

“Well, _my bad_ , Becs, but I don't know _anything_ about you. What else is there?” She desperately wanted to know about her. She doesn't know anything except what's given, but this seemed like a gold mine. Chloe wanted to know everything.

“A true magician never reveals her secrets, Chlo.” Chloe covered her mouth, and laughed at her. She was so full of humour and sarcasm, nothing she said wouldn't make Chloe smile. She felt her heart flutter at the nickname, she looked at Beca with doe eyes, Beca looked up at her with her mouth full.

She always heard that nickname from all her friends back home, and Aubrey, but it didn't sound the way it did when Beca said it. It sounded like _she_ was supposed to be the one saying it. “What?”

“My best friend used to call me that.” Chloe said if a low soft voice, trying to remember what Aubrey's voice sounded like.

“Oh, uh-is it uh-is it okay that I call you that?”

“Yeah, yeah. I like it, it's okay.” Beca cleared her throat and looked at her with a sympathetic smile.

“You must miss them a lot.” Beca's voice almost sounded sad, but Chloe was sure it was just in her head.

“Yeah, I do…” there was a short silence before Chloe broke it again. “But I can't thank you enough for letting me stay-”

“It's nothing.”

“No, it's not nothing. Really, thank you.” Beca just nodded, she was thinking something. Chloe knew because she furrowed her brow and looked down at the ground.

Between being a little drunk and a little adrenaline rush from the set, something changed in the way they talked to each other. Their conversations were effortless, like they'd know each other for years. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” She was leaning on the trunk of the car and Beca was just two steps away.

“I can't figure you out, _Beca Mitchell_.” She unconsciously took a step towards Beca. Something about the way she carried herself, the unknown confidence that she had was pulling her closer, she was gravitating towards her without thinking twice.

“Careful, you might hurt yourself trying.” Beca said in a low voice, they were less than an inch apart. Chloe was caught in her intense gaze, her eyes traveled down to her cheekbones and then down to her lips.

“That's a chance I'm willing to take.” She was so close now it was only a whisper, she was getting pulled into her orbit when Jesse was calling from across the street.

“Becaw!” They stayed staring at each other, but Jesse kept calling. “Becaw, help!” Chloe was the first to break eye contact when she saw Jesse running from Cynthia Rose and Lilly. Lilly was on her shoulders and they were chasing him down the street.

“Uh-you should get to that.” She took a step back, she looked down at the floor. The look that came across Beca's face made her stomach twist, she looked hurt almost.

“Y-yeah, okay…”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, drag me, I'm sorry! But this was important! My sincerest apologies...


	17. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this might suck... it's pretty angsty, sorry... stuff is gonna start getting possibly even more angsty... fair warning...

* * *

 

Lilly assumed the responsibility of getting Jesse and Cynthia Rose home, and Stacie covered Beca and Chloe. She let Chloe have the back seat to herself and sat in the passengers. “Thanks for the ride, Stace.” Beca said, breaking the small silence.

“Don't mention it.” Beca nodded and looked out the window, she stared into the rear view mirror and saw Chloe sleeping already. They _almost_ kissed, but due to Beca's cowardice, they didn't. Or was it Chloe deciding not to? She only assumed that Chloe had changed her mind by the way she avoided her eyes.

It was a little confusing, Beca was slightly disappointed. A little with not taking a leap, but mostly because why had she even been _thinking_ of taking the leap? As far as Beca was concerned, they were just friends. Chloe was drunk, and was about to get married a week ago, whatever decision she was about to make she would regret.

Beca didn't want to have that awkward conversation of 'I was drunk, it was late, and…’ or 'Last night was a mistake.’. If she were being completely honest, she had no idea what she was doing. She'd never done this before, no one could get a word out of her, and then Chloe had her chatting up a storm the entire week. How? She had no clue, the girl was a walking question herself.

They just didn't kiss, and Beca _would be_ totally indifferent if this was really anyone else, but Chloe set something off in her when she looked into her eyes. The cool rush of sky blue had her axis off balance, but she felt like she was slowly drifting away into them. It was definitely a first for Beca, she felt like each time she looked at the redhead there was some new little detail she somehow failed to notice regardless of how many times she's looked her over.

“I saw what happened back there.” Stacie stated as they made their way to her apartment.

“Saw what happen?” She knew what she was referring to, but what Beca was getting at was that nothing _did_ happen anyway.

“At the car. You almost kissed.” Stacie said coolly, occasionally looking over at Beca through the side of her eye. Beca said nothing, she didn't need to respond to her statement. It was late, she was tired, and this was not up for discussion with the very same girl sleeping in the back seat. “How long has she been here?”

“A little over a week.” Beca said, her eyes still on the rearview mirror.

“Where'd she come from?” Beca thought about it. They didn't discuss much, mostly basics like hometowns, favorite colors, middle school crush knowledge. Then Beca realized that they hadn't talked about her or Beca, just music, and TV, and old college stories. Not that she minded, Beca wasn't exactly an open book, but she only had a very limited amount of information about her.

“Newark.”

“Do you know why she's here?” not really. She was running, everybody runs at some point, but Beca wasn't going to say anything knowing that she wouldn't be too happy if she was yapping away and giving away personal information.

“No.”

“So, you don't know _anything_ about her and you about to just jump in?” at that comment, Beca decided she didn't like the topic of this conversation. This was no ones business, because there was no business. There was literally nothing to talk about, everyone had a story like this, this would be Beca's first and the only reason Stacie was trying was because of that exact reason.

“No, I wasn't just going to _‘jump in’_ to anything, and I know _some_ stuff about her, okay? Only what I need to know.”

“Beca, you were going to _kiss_ her, and don't you think that knowing why she's here and her _exact_ intentions is fucking important?”

“Yes! Yes, I do!” Beca was whisper yelling because she didn't need Chloe to hear this. “But unlike _some people_ , I don't stick my damn nose in other people's business.”

“Give me five things you know about her, not including her name.” Beca scoffed at her, but Stacie only raised her eyebrows. “I'm waiting.” Beca ignored her, but she could only take so much intense glaring.

“She likes dogs. She-”

“No, Beca,” Stacie sighed exasperatedly. “Actual things, like if you were actually paying attention to her, or some shit.” Beca let out a loud sigh, she looked to the back seat to ensure that she wouldn't hear any of it.

“She loves the idea if teaching other people, but only if she's learning too. She loves pumpkin chai lattes during fall, even though it makes her a victim of stereotyping. She likes to sing, and she knows everything on the radio, it's kind of fucking ridiculous.” Beca laughed remembering their car ride to work.

“She loves to ask me questions because she's on a fucking mission to make me spill my guts, literally _and_  figuratively. And her favorite brewing company is Donald and Unicycle back in her hometown.” Stacie stayed quiet for a minute, Beca assumed she was processing her every word and analyzing it like she always did. She could see the sidewalk in front of Beca's apartment coming into view.

“Okay… I won't ask anything, but… just… be careful, okay.” Beca just nodded and they came to a stop, just as they did Chloe woke up.

 

* * *

 

 

**December 9th**

Beca was physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. She was up early to be at Manny's, she picked up extra shifts at the diner, and she's finally back at O'Neill's doing bar and music. She had only seen Chloe sporadically throughout the week, unless she came to the pub, and only for at least forty-five minutes, spread out, not together if Chloe wasn't already sleeping by the time she got home.

She worked as much as possible, tips weren't total garbage, and she was totally numbed by everything between stress and pretending. She was doing great avoiding what had _almost_ happened, but didn't.

Avoidance was working really well for her. She was driving home from Manny's, she was over her hours at Ruth's, she pulled up and stomped out her cigarette before going inside. She wiped her feet on the mat and unlocked the door, she saw Chloe sitting on the couch watching TV. “Hey, Becs, how was work?” Chloe looked away from the TV and smiled wide at Beca.

“It was…” _shitty._ “Well, it was work. What are you watching?” Beca smiled a little as she shrugged out of her coat and hung it up.

“Friends.” Beca nodded, Chloe took a break from the TV to look at Beca. “Wanna watch with me?”

“No thanks, Chlo, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna nap, if you need anything you know where to find me.” Chloe nodded, and continued to watch TV. Beca walked into her room, her bed was always unmade, and the curtains were open. She closed the curtains, and popped three pills and left the half empty flask on the dresser. She couldn't feel anything, her muscles hurt so much after coming down, it hurt to lay there and not move.

Beca just closed her eyes and she left herself sink into the bed, she let the meds kick in, she didn't bother taking anything off because by the time she woke up, she'd have to be out of the house again.

 

* * *

 

 

……

**“Mom, why don't you love me?”**

……

“Beca!” There was a hushed yell from the other side of the door, followed by rapid knocking. “Beca! Beca, wake up, those people are back!” She rolled over, and rubbed her eyes until she saw spots. She didn't understand the urgency in Chloe's voice, or the knocking, it was probably a couple of sales people or something, if those still even go door to door anymore.

Beca got up, she put her flask in the drawer, and she opened the door. What she saw on the other side was very concerning, Chloe was terrified. Her eyes were panicked, and they sent a shock through Beca like being dunked in cold water.

“Okay, okay, I'll answer the door.” Beca hurried, she didn't like the look on Chloe's face, it made her heart start racing and not in a good way. Beca looked through the window first and saw a blonde woman and a man she couldn't really see, both professionally dressed, she walked over to the bathroom first to fix her bed hair and smudged makeup. She had everything put away, and out of sight, so she answered the door while Chloe sat by the window.

“Hi… can I help you?”

“Are you Rebeca Mitchell?” The blonde woman asked, she looked at her, she was beautiful. Her hair was back in a bun, her lips were masked in coral lipstick, and there were pearls around her neck. Beca looked at her blue eyes, they were beautiful, but they didn’t meet Chloe's by a long shot.

“Yes, that's me…” it must've been serious if whoever these people were didn't just call. The blonde woman greeted Beca with a smile and held out her hand.

“Hello, I'm Gail Abernathy,” the man to her left spoke up. She almost felt bad that she didn't notice him again until he said something.

“And I'm John Smith.” He held his hand out to her, the cold air was nipping at her nose. He was tall with brown hair, but his eyes were warm.

“May we come in?” Gail still had her friendly smile, her hands were clasped in front of her.

“Of course, of course.” Beca moved out of the way, she let them come through the door. “Can I take your coat?” Beca was trying to seem formal and sophisticated in front of these people, but was that honestly the best she could come up with?

“No, thank you.” Gail smiled before turning to the couches, John following steps behind her. “Hi, I'm Gail Abernathy and this is John Smith.” She saw Chloe with a wide smile, though it was still beautiful, Beca could tell it wasn't genuine therefore something was missing from it.

“Chloe Beale.” Beca walked over as John and Gail sat on the couch, Chloe stood and walked over to stand by her.

“Can I get you coffee or water?” Beca looked at them both, something was a little off, regardless of the friendliness they presented, something wasn't right.

“Oh, no thank you, we won't be here long.” Something about the way she said that made her hairs stand up and sent a shiver down her spine. Beca took a seat on the recliner and Chloe leaned on it next to her, not leaving her side.

“Okay, so, what can I do for you today?” Beca held her hands in front of her to keep from fidgeting.

“This may be a little hard to hear, and we hate to be the bearer of bad news-”

“What's going on?” Beca couldn't take it, what ‘bad news’ did they have? What were they doing here?

“Your father, was found in the basement of his home.” Beca felt nothing. Wasn’t she supposed to feel something? _Anything?_ She heard Chloe gasp behind her.

“Do you know how?” Beca looked at Gail's face, she could tell she had been treating carefully in the way she studied her.

“His BAC was at zero-point-fifteen, and he took a fall down the stairs.” They were all looking at her, expecting _something_ , anything.

“Where is he?”

“He uh-he had been there too long… we have his remains here.” Beca just blankly stared at her as she got a big case from between John's and her feet. She didn't notice he had brought it in. She set it on the coffee table and pulled out an urn, it was black with thick silver stripe. She gave it to Beca, she held it in her hands and she looked at Gail.

The silence carried longer than it should have. That silence should've been filled with sobbing and tears, not this unusual nothing from a girl whose father has died. “We have his final will and testament here with us.” She pulled a folder from the box.

Gail handed her the paper, she was still trying to read her, Beca could feel it. She looked down at the paper. She narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow in confusion.

“He left everything to us?” Beca asked in a low muted tone. Gail and John looked at each other and they stood from the couch, Beca looked at them.

“We should be on our way.” John said, he started for the door, Beca met them there, she felt Chloe following close behind.

“If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact us.” Beca just nodded, Chloe's hand was on the small of her back, but she didn't look. Gail leaned forward to put a hand on her shoulder, she made Beca flinch, but she placed it there anyway.

“I am so sorry for your loss.” Beca was sure she's said this more times than she probably liked, but when she said it, it sounded genuine and not just like the generic expression people use.

“Thank you.” Gail and John walked out the door, Beca closed it behind them and leaned against the door.

“Beca, I'm so sorry.” Chloe threw her arms around her, it felt warm and familiar. It felt safe, but it only ever feels safe with Stacie, but why does it feel safer than that? Beca just stood there in the hug, she wasn't sure what to do.

“It's okay, I'm fine.” As far as she was concerned, she was cool, calm, and collected. She was good, she was alright. This wasn't a tough blow because she was low enough as it is. Chloe let go, she had her hands still on her shoulders, she looked into her eyes.

“Are you sure?” Beca just slightly nodded.

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

 

* * *

 

 

Beca let out a heavy sigh as she laid on her bed. Nothing changed with this information, telling her that David Mitchell died did nothing, but it was fine, she was fine. She stared at the urn, she'd left it on the dresser. She was dreading going back to clear out the place. She didn't want to relive any of the horrible things that happened in that house. She ran away for a reason, and she wasn't ever planning on going back for anything or anyone. She hadn't been to the house in four years, and not one part of her regrets it.

She picked up the paper from next to her and read the names again. He never took her off the will. She was still on there, her name was right next to Beca's. Did he think she would come back? Why wouldn't he take her name off? She left them. It's not that Beca didn't want to share, she didn't care for materialistic things, she just didn't want to see her.

Lori Mitchell was the very last person she ever wanted to see. Beca would rather have her continuing absence than a random appearance because her dad left behind a few things. When mom left, she left everything. Clothes, jewelry, anything that belonged to her she left behind, including Beca.

She really didn't want to have to speak with her and divide everything up between them. If she showed up that is. She just vanished into thin air, Beca never heard from her after she left. Not even a birthday card. She didn't want to see her, she was fine without her, she could hold her own, mommy's love had nothing to do with it.

“Hey, Beca? You're gonna be late for work… unless you want to call in or-or something…” Beca felt awful for putting this type of stress on Chloe. She was just there, she didn't need to worry about anyone, but she was. 

“Be right out.” Beca yelled back. She leaned over to the dresser and pulled out all her pills and took three more of them, she took the flask from the drawer and washed them down. She put her father's urn in a shoe box in the closet. She opened her bedroom door and was surprised to see Chloe waiting there in front of it, and she seemed to surprise Beca too.

“Uh-hi…” Chloe's ears got red and she stared at Beca as if she'd been caught doing something embarrassing.

“Hi! Hi, um, are you ready?” Chloe smiled and stuck her thumb out to the door.

“Yeah, let's go.” Beca moved out through the doorway and past Chloe.

“What are you singing tonight?” Beca locked the door and looked back over her shoulder at Chloe, who was smiling widely, and obviously trying to make light of things.

“You'll just have to wait and watch.” Beca gave her an over exaggerated wink, and she laughed. See? She’s fine.

* * *

 


	18. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry it's been a minute, but I'll try to be quicker with updates anyway enjoy!

* * *

 

Chloe felt a knot in her stomach just knowing Beca was home. She knew she wouldn't be there very long, not since that night at Laguna Burger, but she was home. When she wasn't, Chloe _still_ felt the knot every time she thought about her. Which was a lot considering there were reminders of her existence everywhere. Beca thought of her too.

The concept was almost too unreal to grasp. Beca had been thinking of her and Chloe knew because she mentioned french vanilla coffee creamer once, and then there it was sitting in the fridge no less than two days later.

She thought of her and Chloe knew because she'd gone through every book and magazine on Beca's shelf to find a newly 'borrowed’ book or the newest magazines from the market. Beca thought about her and Chloe noticed even the smallest details change if Chloe mentions them.

 

_“She loves the idea if teaching other people, but only if she's learning too. She loves pumpkin chai lattes during fall, even though it makes her a victim of stereotyping. She likes to sing, and she knows everything on the radio, it's kind of fucking ridiculous.”_

 

Then Chloe was certain after accidentally, not so accidentally, over hearing what she had to say to Stacie. She had no idea Beca had remembered these things about her. She didn't understand it, she'd always felt so nervous and out of place, and that is way off of Chloe's normal. She couldn't find a solid explanation for it, but maybe it started with not having stepped away so soon the other night.

Chloe studied Beca from the bar. How could she seem so amped up and so unaffected by her father's death? Chloe couldn't even think of what she would do if her father died, but she knew she definitely wouldn't be able to perform in front of an audience and seem completely unfazed by it all. She was so confident and she seemed so fine about everything.

Chloe watched her from afar, having been told such awful news and go to work after must've been hard but, Beca's act was seamless. Chloe was brought back to attention by the sound of Beca's voice.

“You had my attention and you stomped it out. You're here and then you're gone, what's that all about?” Beca walked across the stage in confident strides, Chloe could hear Stacie singing along to the song. She looked at her, and listened, Stacie was actually really very good.

“Stace, I didn't know you could sing.” Stacie looked at her and smirked as she carried a tray of drinks out of the bar to the tables.

“There's a lot of things you don't know, Red.” She booped her nose as she walked past. Chloe wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, but it sounded like a line out of a spy movie.

“You came on so strong, then you backed it off. When did you get the nerve to call it love?” The audience cheered and Chloe sat up straight and abandoned her thoughts. Beca head banged her way through the song, Chloe held on to every lyric she sang.

“You're a part of my past now, I'm making you history. Don't act surprised now, don't say you didn't see it coming.” her stomach dropped when Beca walked over to share Jesse's microphone. Their noses were centimeters away and they were looking each other dead in the eye with wide smiles.

“So if you're wondering why I'm leaving, stop a second and count the reasons; You don't listen, don't care, don't try. That's the reason and this is why.” her head whipped back out to the crowd, Beca eyes were squeezed shut and she had one hand in the air, Chloe almost smiled but Jesse walked up and leaned against her playing his guitar.

She felt her stomach clench, she could feel her eyebrows pulling into a frown, she couldn't help it. Her facial expressions were fighting against her. “There's no way for you to stop the bleeding, you don't get it, I've got my reasons; You don't listen, don't care, don't try. That's the reason and this is why.” Chloe thought about the opening line again. It seemed to tug at something in her.

 

_"You had my attention and you stomped it out."_

 

* * *

 

 

When Beca came off stage with Jesse, they were both sweating profusely. Beca walked over to the empty stool next to Chloe and looked at her. There was a small smile playing on her lips, but it disappeared as fast as it appeared. Chloe felt the knot inside coiling up in her stomach, Beca turned her head to look at Stacie across the bar instead of at Chloe.

She completely missed what happened, but the next thing she knew Beca was being whisked away by Stacie to the farthest end of the bar. She felt like she was watching Beca's default shrugging from a mile away, then Chloe saw Stacie's mouth come apart into a small gasp and with that Jesse walked over to them.

He made the same expression, and Beca was pulled into an unwanted hug. She could say it was unwanted, because it clearly was and rejection was laid out in the simplest terms for him when she shoved him off. Chloe fought the urge to smirk at his failed attempt, and just when she thought it was hilariously amazing, Beca just disappeared. Jesse and Stacie walked back over, but Beca didn't.

“Hey, Chloe, how long are you here with us?” She looked at Cynthia Rose, she was caught off guard by the question. It was a good question, how long _would_ she be there? She felt her throat constricting at the thought of leaving. She didn't know what kept her here, if she had any common sense, she would've been gone after a few days.

She felt anchored to this place, it all felt like déjà vu to her, like if she'd lived there for years. She felt a finger tap her shoulder. “Chloe?” She focused back on the group, she chuckled nervously and shook her head.

“I'm sorry, uh-I'm not sure how long I'll-I’ll be here-”

“Well, I hope you stick around, 'cause Beca seems less… grouchy these days.” Chloe laughed, she didn't think her presence was enough to change Beca's mood. There's no way she could have that type of impact so early, when she didn't even know if Chloe would leave soon or not. She thought about it more, and maybe she did change her mood slightly, but that was only because she'd been friendly and opened a door for a probably inevitable friendship.

That day Chloe met Beca she'd never been so happy to hitchhike in her entire life, and when she got a good look at Beca and looked into her eyes, she decided that they were going to be friends. It was the rarest of things when Chloe would just decide to be friends with someone before actually knowing them first. She’d done it with Aubrey, of course it took a little more work since she was so stubborn and held a business only front.

Chloe managed to get past after a few months, but time here seemed to be going faster, and they say time goes fast when you're having fun, and Chloe was having fun. The whole staying up late and watching TV, and talking over beer and some grass until you couldn't make words so you'd just laugh instead, it was all fun.

It wouldn't be fun with Aubrey, because while Aubrey was Chloe's best friend, she wouldn't dare do any of those things minus the staying up late, and _one_ beer because that's just the way it was. Chloe, on the other hand, just didn't have any inhibitions, she'd always done what she wanted to and she was happy. Doing whatever with Beca was fun and made her happy, but ‘happy’ might've been a poor choice of wording because just ‘happy’ wasn't supposed to include the coiling of her intestines. This was definitely something else.

When she decided she was going to be friends with Beca, she knew what she was doing because had no idea what it would mean. The color of her eyes had been so enticing, not for any particular reason, but her eyes seemed to speak to her, Chloe was just going with her gut about her.

So far it was good, but Chloe was determined to know Beca. Something in her says she already does, but that would be impossible. They met by chance, she'd never seen her before in her entire life, but it was coincidence of the century to Chloe because everything felt like it'd been that way for years. Like she'd been falling asleep next to her on the couch after she'd gotten back from work for years, or like borrowing her clothes was just a regular Tuesday.

When Chloe thought of it, she looked down at the shirt Beca had let her borrow before she left. The coil in her stomach grew tighter, she felt suddenly sick and the air in the room was no longer breathable.

“Where you from, Red?” Chloe looked at Cynthia Rose and she suddenly felt panicked, but then Stacie stepped in.

“She's from Yonkers, like me.” She smiled at Stacie who winked back knowing she probably just saved her. She heard their conversation in the car, and she knew that she was in fact from Newark, but she said Yonkers instead. Good to know she's got a friend other than Beca.

“What brings you to Ithaca?” They were innocent questions, but Chloe couldn't help but feel that they were thought of in hell. Where the hell was Beca? She decided instead of asking she would just do some finding instead.

“Just felt like it, um, I'm gonna-I’m gonna go get some air… uh-I'll be back.” She turned and moved toward the door with Beca's keys. She could hear the group behind her groaning.

“Way to go, C, you scared her off.”

“Hey, I was just trying to start a conversation.”

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe made it out onto the sidewalk, she almost slipped on some ice, snow was falling again. She breathed against her hands to warm them up as she walked, she passed by the alleyway next to the pub and saw Beca on the phone. She hadn't seen Chloe yet, so she backed up behind the wall and listened. 

“I'm totally fine, it's okay, people die-” she stopped and listened to whatever that person was saying.

“Yeah, she's still here… I don't know-” Beca turned around her her eyes squinted and eyebrows pulled together in a frown, Chloe jumped back further behind the wall so she wouldn't see her peering from around the corner.

“Nothing is happening between us… Well, there was a thing the other night…” Chloe knew she was talking about her. Should she stay and listen? It might open her eyes to some things. It felt wrong to be listening to this, but at the same time she couldn't just ask Beca anything without being totally and completely awkward.

“We were just talking, and I'm not sure if she leaned in, or if _I_ was the one that moved, but our faces were really close, and-” she knew it!

“No, that's what I'm trying to tell you, we didn't. I don't know why, I don't just ask or-or talk about it. Because, Katherine, that's weird! She _so_ does not! No. No, that's just-no. No, _anyway_ , could this wait till my session? Stace just told me that it's important for you to know, or whatever…” There was a small silence while Beca listened to Katherine.

Chloe had to make it not weird, but how would you make something weird not weird in a totally normal, and organic, not weird type of way? She didn't want to force this conversation that Beca wanted to have, but maybe it was a good idea that have it?

“Oh my goodness, it's not like that! Well… no I-I wouldn't-but s-she’s… I don't know, Kat.” Chloe felt the coil in her stomach tighten even more.

“She just is… I don't know… Other than me being weird, it's really cool… I don't know, I'm just… these days nothing feels… that's just it, nothing feels, but it's… different now…” Those words were shocking to Chloe, Beca wasn't the type of person to just open up like that.

“So, yeah, I'll see you.” Chloe panicked when she heard Beca walking back, but she heard her stop.

“Don't tell Em, please. She'll freak or something. Thanks, Kat, love you too.” Beca's steps grew closer, but Chloe tried to get to the door in time, but the next thing she knew, she slipped on the ice.

 

* * *

 

 

“Shit, Chloe, are you okay?” Chloe was frozen seeing Beca hovering over her, looking into her eyes for longer than a second, _willingly_. Of course it was _a little_ mandatory since she just slipped, but she knew she'd find a way to make it weird for Beca, so she should just wrap it up now rather than an uncomfortable later.

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

“What were you doing out here?” She looked at Beca who was frowning, and still hovering over her. When Beca realized this, she moved up and cleared her throat before standing to pull Chloe up.

“I j-just needed some air, you know.”

“Yeah…” she hoped Beca didn't realize she was listening. That was the last thing she needed to make things not weird. “Me too.” Chloe just nodded and they were walking back up to the door. “Drinks?”

“Only if it's on you.” Chloe said as she ran her hand over the already sore spot on her head.

“It's always on me, Beale.” Beca teased as she opened the door to let her in first. “Stace, get me some ice please.”

“You fall again?” Jesse asked. Stacie was pouring a shot, she licked the salt and drank the shot. “Gonna have to get you a helmet.”

“As if she didn't already need one.“ Beca walked over and punched her in the arm.

“Hey!” Stacie wrapped an arm around her, despite the disapproving look on Beca's face.

“It's okay, I'll get you a black one with flames, it'll look so badass on you, Sis.” She ruffled Beca's hair as she tried to duck away. Chloe thought it was sweet to see Beca close with people like that. She'd seen it at Thanksgiving, and now that she usually came with her to work, she saw it with Stacie too.

Chloe had only seen it with certain people to determine it wasn't a something for everyone. Very particular about who she let's in, and for some reason Chloe couldn't stand the fact that Jesse was kind of one of those people. Well, more from a distance, they were closer on stage than off.

 

_“Ew, let go of me, you weirdo!”_

 

_“Come on, Becaw, we're Jesse and Beca! We're Jesseca!”_

 

_“Nope.”_

 

Was Chloe one of those people? From time to time, Beca will get home and Chloe will give her a quick hug just in case she might shove her off, but she hasn't yet. The more Chloe thought about it, the more she realized that she might not even be able to figure that out.

She didn't know when she'd leave, but there had to be a time right? Chloe quickly dropped it as Beca handed her some ice for her head. She smiled, and her heart skipped a beat when Beca put her hand at the small of her back to lead them to the two empty seats at the bar. She was sure Beca didn't mean to do it, but as soon as she let go her back was cold. The one question she kept asking herself was: What the hell was this?

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is: This is Why by Hey Violet if you wanted to check it out and see what it sounds like :)


	19. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this chapter might suck. If it does, I'm sorry. Enjoy I guess. :/

* * *

 

**December 13th**

……

**“Oh my God… Chloe, baby, I'm sorry.”**

……

“No!”

It was two in the morning when Chloe woke up. She sat up quickly after hearing Beca scream. When her eyes adjusted, she saw Beca sitting in the recliner with her head in her hands. She'd been watching more TV with Chloe as the week went on, but she seemed numb and passive, she would stare blankly at the TV.

Everything she did was done with minimal effort, other than the music, but she seemed a little gone when she sang too. It was still good, but it wasn't genuine and therefore something was missing.

She was still Beca, she still had a few jokes, killed it at the pub and was now well adjusted to Chloe in the apartment. “Beca?” She kept shaking and rocking, Chloe ran over to the fridge to get a water bottle, she came back and Beca was rubbing her head.

“Hey, you okay? Here.” she gave it to Beca, but she wouldn't drink it. She just sat back and tucked her knees under her chin. This had been happening for three days, Chloe was constantly brought out of her nightmares by Beca's nightmares. It didn't give her any piece of mind, or make her feel better about her own nightmares.

“You okay?” She yawned and looked at Beca. She nodded her head and went to her room, taking the water bottle Chloe gave her. She sighed heavily as she laid back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

 

* * *

 

 

**December 20th**

It was cold, Christmas Eve was in four days and Christmas in five, instead of being where she was 'supposed’ to be, she was here with Beca. It wasn't a bad thing, it was almost just like a regular thing now to plan around or with each other. But Chloe was sure she had some sort of family plans, so she was planning to slip away some time before then. If she could bring herself to do it.

Beca pressed the doorbell, and Chloe stood slightly behind her. “Hey!” Emily opened the door, and grabbed Beca into a hug.

“Hey.” Beca said flatly. Emily moved to the side to let them in.

“Hey, Chloe, how are you?” She hugged Chloe, it was warm and friendly.

“I'm great, thanks, how are you?” Emily awkwardly chuckled and stuck out her two thumbs.

“Good.” She looked over at Beca who was just lingering by two french doors next to the TV. “I'm guessing she's here for my mom…?” She raised an eyebrow looking back and forth between Beca and Chloe.

“Yeah…” Emily looked at her with a half smile, and she looked her with a weary smile conveying the message that the circumstances weren't too great.

“We can go hangout in my room if you want…?” Emily suggested. Chloe took a second look at Beca and back at Emily.

“Sure, hey, Becs?” Beca turned and looked at Chloe. “I'm gonna go hang out with Em, okay?” She just nodded and turned back to the door. Chloe smiled brightly at Emily and they made their way up the stairs.

Before getting out of view, she looked back at Beca who held her face her in hands as she paced the living room. Chloe's chipper attitude slightly dejected after seeing Beca this way.

She was sure this had to do with her dad, it was finally hitting her. That was a good thing, she was mourning properly, but it still wasn't Chloe's favorite thing to see. Beca's sarcastic retorts and dorky jokes came to halt and suddenly it was like they were strangers again. Not to the point of not speaking, but she could feel something in her change. She could feel her, and what she was feeling wasn't at all anywhere near pleasant. Was it strange that she could feel her?

There was a heavy feeling that filled the silence some days, rather than the comfortable silence that usually fell over them. She hoped Katherine could help, but for the meantime she was going to hang out with Emily.

“I hope you don't mind the mess.” She pushed opened the door to reveal a lavender colored room. By 'mess’ she meant the bag of Doritos on her unmade bed next to her laptop. Everything else was clean, she made binge watching look like it belonged in a catalog. She sat on her bed and patted the empty spot next to her.

“I love your room, it's cute.”

“Thanks, it took me a while to get to this style, trust me you don't want to see ugly shades of paint I went through as a kid.” They laughed and then it was quiet. Chloe looked at around, the black and white curtains, the dark blue bed sheets, and all of it smelled like vanilla. “There's a song me and Beca have been messing with, wanna hear?”

“Oh totes!” Emily opened her closet and pulled out a guitar, she sat on the bed and looked at Chloe. She smiled excitedly and started playing.

“When tomorrow comes, I'll be on my own. Feeling frightened of the things that I don't know, when tomorrow comes, tomorrow comes, when tomorrow comes.” She did a small little run at the last word.

“I know the road is long, I look up to the sky, darkness all around-that one I'm not-I’m still kind of tinkering with, that verse, so it's not-nothings completely set,” Chloe just awkwardly raised her eyebrows, her face gentle and calm watching her unnecessary scrambling.

“I got all I need when I got you and I, as I look around me I see a sweet life. I'm stuck in the dark, but you're my flashlight, getting me, getting me through the night.” She made little guitar riff noises and drum noises as she finger picked the rest of the chords.

“You are my flashlight.” Chloe was impressed with her voice, as well as her guitar skills. She didn't learn from just anywhere, and she had to admit that Emily was definitely right.

“You wrote that?” Chloe watched her as she put away her guitar.

“Yeah, it's awesome right?” She looked over her shoulder and closed the closet door. “Well, I-I mean, I-I think it's awesome, but i-if you don't that's cool-”

“Emily,” Chloe interrupted her nervous state and looked at her with kind eyes. “It _is_ awesome, and it's definitely something.” Emily smiled brightly, she could see the assurance in her eyes.

“Thanks.” Chloe couldn't explain the way she and Emily bonded, they took to each other like pencil and paper. They'd only known each other for a little less than a month, but looking at them now they were two peas in a pod.

Chloe saw so much of herself in her, she remembered a time when she let someone scare that part away, and she would hate to see the same happen to Emily. She was the type of innocence the world needed, they needed her optimism and quirky and fun energy. Emily was a good girl.

 

* * *

 

 

“Am I interrupting?” Beca knocked on the door and peeked her head inside to look at Emily and Chloe.

“No, no, are we gonna do my lesson now?” Beca slipped in more and seemed to take a comfortable spot on the chair at the desk. She seemed a little more present than she did earlier, it was like she was on a different physical plane than Chloe, it was off. It still was, but she wasn't so checked out.

“Only if you wanna do it now, if not we could do it another time or something.” Emily stood and Chloe quickly followed.

“We could do it now.” She said sweetly, letting Beca out of the room first and looking back to see if Chloe had been following. “Come on, girly.”

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe had watched and listened to Beca and Emily go through three classical pieces of music on the piano in the den. She listened to Emily play Fur Elise, Moonlight Sonata, and Nocturne, all of it sounded impeccable. It was beautiful, these brunettes have skills.

As they moved on to song writing, Beca was talking with Emily about the song she had showed her upstairs. She did a small example of the melody being used and they discussed lyrics, but Chloe didn't even consider bursting their work bubble because she was thirsty. She was totally convinced that they forgot she had been there, she didn't mind at all.

It was adorable to see how quickly those two wrapped up in their music, but Chloe could still feel like it might be a little forced. It didn't seem completely like Beca, she was there of course, it just felt like she was lost. _Me too, Becs, me too._ Chloe slipped away into the kitchen and was startled when she ran into Katherine. “Oh, Mrs. Junk, hi-”

“Katherine, sweetheart, how are you?” Katherine grabbed her hands in front of her and held them there.

“I'm good, Katherine, thank you. What about you?”

"I'm well, sweet pea. Coffee?” She turned and abandoned whatever it was that she was going to do.

“Water would be great.” Chloe leaned against the counter and Katherine gave her a glass of water. “Thank you.”

“They can get in their heads, can't they?” Chloe hummed in agreement, she could hear Emily playing keys on the piano, it was all beautiful.

“I didn't want to disrupt their musical genius.” Katherine laughed at little at that, and continued drinking her coffee. Katherine cleared her throat and held her mug in front of her.

“Has she sang in front of you?” Like she could ever forget. Her voice was strong and familiar, made Chloe's knees go weak and her heart flutter.

“I've heard her at O’Neill's, she's amazing.”

“She is, she really is.” Chloe listened to the sounds of music coming from the other room. It all flowed in one direction, then she could hear Emily  singing the song from earlier. Chloe smiled at that, they got along so well she shared something she wrote with her. It was still in the works too.

“I knew she had something the very second I heard her.” she sighed, smiling warmly as if she were remembering the very moment in her head.

“Yeah, she's… something.” Chloe meant it. She couldn't gather up all the adjectives in the world to describe what she was getting from her, but it was anything but typical. Katherine took another drink of her coffee and Chloe took a minute to catch her thoughts.

“I don't know the whole story, but I think I can decide if you're good myself, but just be good to my Beca, okay?”

“I-it’s not uh-i-it’s not like that-” Katherine grunted in response before swallowing her coffee.

“If it is, it’s not my business until it's a problem, she _is_ a tough cookie,” She paused and continued in a lower tone. “But she hurts just as much as she fixes.” Nothing more needed to be said, Chloe just nodded. Just then Beca came through the kitchen.

“I’m uh-we're gonna head out, see you.” Beca just turned, Chloe following behind, she didn't dare look back feeling Katherine's eyes on the both of them. Beca was ripping out paper from a notebook and she gave it to Emily. “Here, you were a little flat on some notes, but remember to do those exercises.”

“I will, see you guys next week!”

“Bye, Junks!” She yelled before exiting the house with Chloe by her side.

 

* * *

 

 

The drive was mostly quiet, Chloe gave Beca a few shy smiles and tapped her fingers on the side of the door. It was getting late, it was almost time for Beca's shift at O'Neill's. She didn't like Beca going to work given her personal reasons, but knowing she'd go anyway she said nothing and let her drive. She thought it would be over stepping if she told her not go to work with her head in the clouds, so she let her work herself out. Beca's eyes went wide and she pulled over.

“Beca?” Chloe twisted her body to look at her, she had pulled out her leather journal and was quickly scrawling out what looked like gibberish from the angle Chloe was at. When she stopped her sat the notebook on the center console and put the car back in drive.

“S-sorry, sorry, I just had an idea or whatever, I couldn't let it slip.” she nervously bit her lip, Beca was a very private person, and what Chloe was about to ask next was a giant step from where they were.

“May I?” Chloe said lifting up the journal. Beca hesitantly nodded her head and looked back onto the road. Chloe continued with her permission, she was writing music notes. Chloe took choir in high school, and so she read the notes on the paper, she started humming the melody. Beca raised her eyebrows, she glanced at Chloe until she was done.

“That's amazing, Bec.” Beca looked at her and smiled a little.

“Uh-th-thanks.” The smile settled back down into a neutral look and she kept driving. She didn't expect that to go so smoothly, she wasn't expecting her to be okay with it, but she was.

She was looking out the window, then Beca cleared her throat. “Think I'm only gonna do one song tonight.” She was smiling internally.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I'm totally wiped.” she saw Beca tightening her grip on the wheel. She knew she was exhausted, and she could see it underneath her forced smiles.

 

* * *

 

 

Not actually working for a good part of the night did Beca good. She mostly drank, which was a little concerning given the fact that _she_ always drove them home. Chloe said nothing, she needed this, she needed to get out of her head because even Chloe could see that staying cooped in her thoughts was slowly getting to her.

It was nice to see her not so stressed out about whatever it was she stressed about. What was not nice, was watching her goofing off with Jesse, who looked all too eager to put his arm around her shoulders. Usually Beca would've stayed at a comfortable distance, but she was _letting_ it happen.

She was dancing around the pub, doing shots, and singing whatever random song came into her head. They played a game, one of them would lay down a beat, chose a song category, and the last lyric of the song would be the first lyric of the next song, all in the same pitch, category, and in time with the given beat. Stacie had been playing and all around it was quite amusing to watch.

“Not to be such a downer, but I'm officially doing my bartending duty of cutting you off.” Beca broke out into a laughing fit Chloe didn't understand the reason for.

“You said 'duty’.” Stacie rolled her eyes and Chloe smiled fondly at her. Stacie got her coat and gave Chloe Beca's things.

“Let's go.” Stacie sighed, holding the door open for the both of them.

“Where are my keys?” Beca whined as she walked through the door, frantically patting all her pockets over and over again, as if they'd appear if she patted enough. Chloe found this all too hilarious, she looked at Stacie's tired face. She had Beca's keys.

“I have them.” She said as they stepped off the curb to get around to the car.

“Oh, thank God.” Beca exhaled, she turned to look at Stacie and held her hands out. Chloe watched her, she watched her confused face waiting for Stacie to give her the keys. When she didn't, Beca reached for them. “Give me!”

“Nope.” Stacie said jerking them away from Beca again. Chloe thought it was so mean to tease her with her keys, but it was also funny, and for her own good since she shouldn't be driving anyway.

“Hey! Give me!” Beca was jumping up and down, trying to get her keys from her leggy friend. “I can drive my shit car by myself!” Beca's words came out sloppy, slurred, and whiney. Chloe let out a laugh watching Beca try to climb Stacie, who gave her an sarcastic smile. She covered her mouth, and quietly laughed at the situation. She hadn’t seen Beca lose control, she wasn't a lightweight, but she had a lot to drink.

Drunk Beca proved herself to be undeniably cute, cuddly, and funny. Well, to other people she was a pain, to Chloe she was absolutely adorable. That's really what she got from Beca altogether, behind her sarcastic and quiet demeanor, she was like a short little girl with a tiara and a tutu.

“I know you can drive your shit car by yourself, sweetie, but you're gonna have to let me drive it.” Stacie brought her arms down and stroked Beca's hair with one hand. She gasped, and her jaw dropped, and she was looking at Stacie with a very dramatic offended expression.

“Don't call my car shitty, my car is fucking beaufital and fucking prestigious as shit, okay?” She poked her finger at Stacie's chest. She let out a an exasperated sigh, and opened the door to let Beca in.

“Come on, Sis, don't make me do what I did last time.” Chloe watched Beca's face fall into panic.

“No! No, don't-don’t touch me! I am seriously just amazingly fine or whatever, 'kay?” she started backing away with her hands up. Chloe smiled at her, watching her wave her hands as Stacie grew closer.

“Beca.” she saw Stacie's frustrated face finally breaking through, she didn't want to look upset with Beca but they'd been outside in the cold for ten minutes already. “I need you to get into the car, like _yesterday_ okay? Come on.” Beca stood behind Chloe, her stance was exaggeratedly tough, but Stacie was about to do anything to get her in the car, with or without her cooperation.

“Beca, get in _the fucking car_.” She growled low and made a small 'hmph’ noise behind her and tilted her chin up. “Get in the fucking car!” She lunged at Beca, but Chloe held her by the front of her shoulders.

“Maybe you should let _me_ drive her.” Chloe felt that she had the upper hand in this situation since Beca was basically hiding behind her. If hadn't been for unnecessary drinking games, going home wouldn't be such a challenge, but Chloe didn't mind being a mess herself when drunk.

“Are you _sure_ you can handle her?” She glanced back at Beca who was mimicking James Bond behind them, pretending to shoot at things with her fingers and bring her finger gun to her lips to blow away the imaginary smoke.

“The name is Mitchell, Beca Mitchell.” She smirked as she posed with her invisible gun. Chloe laughed, and looked back at an irritated and exhausted Stacie.

“Yeah, I think we're good.” Stacie arched an eyebrow at her before giving her the keys.

“'Kay, she's your problem now.” She put the keys in Chloe's hand, walking back to her car. She waved at her as she pulled away, and when she turned around she saw Beca lying on the floor making a snow angel with Lilly, who had just mysteriously been there within those sixty seconds.

“What a problem to have.” Chloe sighed walking over to scoop Beca up off the floor. She strolled over just in time for Lilly to run off and disappear to the dark end of the street with no lights. Chloe shuddered as she wondered what she could possibly be doing at the scary little back street. She thought better not to question it, and she focused on Beca again. She held her hand out, but Beca declined.

“I got this.” She moved over to a nearby car to prop herself up. She put her hands on the bumper, when she pushed up her hands slipped and she hit her head setting off the alarm. “Run!” Beca yelled, quickly crawling away, getting onto her feet to run, she slipped but quickly recovered to keep running.

“Beca!”

“Hey!” Chloe turned around to see a man, who was probably the owner of the blaring car. Chloe sighed heavily as she turned around, watching Beca hide behind her own car, leaving Chloe to deal with the trouble she's caused.

“Oh, boy.”

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe tugged at the sleeve of her coat as she drove. She looked over at Beca who was holding a steering wheel cover, pretending to drive. She wasn’t as okay as she said she was. Chloe could feel it each time she walked in the door, she didn't know how but she could feel it and she knew that Beca knew that, so she tried to make it less obvious.

She was so strong and tough to be carrying the stress of work and her dad all on her shoulders by herself. Chloe finally felt like someone understood her, she was watching Beca walk around with the same face and attitude, even though something deep inside her was twisting her up.

Of course Beca still didn't know that Chloe was doing the same, but it was so different watching it on someone else. It didn't make her feel better, but it gave her some assurance that she was not the only one masquerading around as someone who was okay when they're not okay and they just don't want to get it into it right then. But despite Beca's mood, she was good to her, for no reason at all.

Beca owed her nothing, if anything Chloe owed _her_. It's been a month that she's been at Beca's, she's been eating out of her fridge, watching her TV and reading her books, going with her to work and she'd have drinks with her after work. She'd been wearing Beca's clothes up until a week ago.

 

_“Dude, you're cool or whatever, but you need your own clothes.”_

 

Beca had taken her to a small store to pick out a few tops and pants, she'd never been more touched by the smallest of gestures, but they weren’t small at all, to Chloe they were big and grand things.

 

_“You can mix and match with some of my stuff, but just so you can have something that's yours or-or whatever.”_

 

Beca was a big softy at heart, it didn't show on the outside, but around Chloe she seemed to relax a little. Not all the way, but enough for Chloe to notice. It was progress, but Chloe found it better not to point it out.

It seemed like things fit in a very strangely comfortable way. It took her long to figure out a routine with Aubrey, but this seemed way more different. Chloe started to pull up to the curb, she looked at Beca, who had her hand pressed against the glass.

“Yesh! I _told_ you I was okay to drive.” Beca stepped out of the car and stumbled onto the sidewalk. Chloe chuckled and laughed at that, seeing that she dropped her pretend steering wheel. Chloe turned off the car and got out.

“Actually, Stacie gave _me_ the keys remember?” Chloe walked over to see Beca gasping dramatically.

“That _bitch!_  I am gonna call her right now and then I'mma gonna-” Chloe snatched her phone from her hand and put it in her pocket.

“Woah, there, tiger.” Beca's body collided with Chloe's as she tried to get her phone back.

“I'll eat _her_ like a tiger.” Beca growled and Chloe laughed. That didn't even make sense.

“What?” Beca pulled off of her and eyed her. She very obviously gave her a once over.

“You are _physically flawless,”_

“Thank you?” She didn't know how to respond to that compliment. Or was it an insult? Both? Either way, Beca didn't really give either to Chloe.

“But that doesn't mean I like you.” Chloe couldn't contain her smile, she was so wasted she didn't even know what she was saying. She laughed at her and turned them around.

“You're not as mean as you think you are, Becs.” Beca hung on to her shoulder and looked at her.

“Oh yeah? You're sweat smells like cinnamon.” she just shook her head and lead them to the door, Beca leaned her head on the wall and watched Chloe. “I like how you do that thing.” Chloe cocked an eyebrow at her as she unlocked the door.

“What thing?” Beca had already forgotten about it as she walked past Chloe. She closed the door and found that Beca shook her leather jacket down on to the floor and was struggling to pull her hoodie over her head. Her bra was exposed, her t-shirt was stuck to her hoodie. Chloe looked away fast, blush spreading quickly over her face. “Oh, God!”

“Help?” Beca stood there with her hands in the air. “Do you _have_ to be so chivalerous or whatever? It's so-o cold.” Chloe sighed heavily and lead herself to Beca, with her eyes closed to protect her modesty. She put her hands out and found her elbows to work her way up and found the individual shirt to pull it down.

“Did I get it?”

“Yes, my noble knight.” She said in a light exaggerated princess voice.

“Very cute.” Chloe opened her eyes and saw Beca still struggling to get out of the hoodie. When she pulled it off, her brown curls went everywhere and Chloe couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

“What's so funny?” Beca whined and leaned against the door. Chloe pulled off her coat and picked up Beca's sweater and leather jacket off the floor to hang them.

“Nothing, Becs.” When she passed by, she moved her hair away from her face. Her fingers stayed longer than she was supposed to, they lightly brushed her cheek, but she pulled away confused, wondering what possessed her to do so.

When she turned around, she was ambushed by Beca. She just leaned against her, her cheek pressed to Chloe's chest, she was so surprised by all the affection. She quickly remembered that night they fell asleep and Beca panicked when she realized she fell asleep _on Chloe._

“Do I just suck?” Beca mumbled against her chest. She let her arms wrap around her, her chin resting on the top of her head.

“No.” Chloe said softly. What an odd question to ask. Of course Beca didn't suck. She'd done more for her in one month, than most people have in two years, strangers or not. "Of course not."

She was considerate, she was a good listener, and she was so modest and humble about it all. Which also made Chloe nuts because she was a really good person and she needed to take credit and recognize it. She took a deep breath in, inhaling the coconut perfume.

“Am I just like suckball McGee over here?” she cooed as Beca whined into her.

“No, you're not suckball McGee.” She stood there until she felt Beca's breathing even out and he body sag against her and she was asleep. “What am I doing here?”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words 'beautiful' 'yes' and 'chivalrous' are spelled wrong on purpose to emphasize Beca's drunken vocabulary by the way.


	20. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, sorry for the slight delay. Writers block :( But I'm back! And with slightly more inspiration! Anyway enjoy :)

* * *

 

**December 21st**

She had been on autopilot for the past few days, she couldn't come down from her thoughts. She had the radio all the way up, she just about to change the station when the car started slowing down and sputtering. “What?” She said looking at the road as the car finished rolling to a stop. “What? No, no, no, no!” She screamed and turned the key trying to bring the car back to life.

She looked at her gas gauge, it wasn't working so she had no possible way of being able to tell before that she was running out of gas. “Shit, shit, fuck! Oh, fuck me! Fuck me, and this stupid fucking-ugh!” she banged her hands on the steering wheel and the dashboard. It was cold, she still had a little ways to go before she got home.

 

_“Wait! Wait… it's me.”_

 

“Fuck!” She didn't want to think of her, she didn't need her poor excuse of a mother taking valuable brain space. She'd spent too many years waiting for any sign of life, any form of proof that she still existed to her and that she loved her. She'd quit hoping for something impossible when she realized nothing was ever going to happen for her until she worked for it.

She did the only thing she knew how to do and that was to survive by the skin of her teeth. Babysitting, cleaning yards, and Fatty's Drive Up, never going out to do anything that involved money, and when the time came and she was finally eighteen, she had enough money and she was out.

She didn't look back at that broken house, and she surely didn't want to now knowing that this woman was still kicking around. If she was being completely honest with herself, her childhood didn't last very long since growing up had to happen quicker than it should have. It wasn't much of a childhood at all, looking back on it and the way and the place she grew up, it was no place for a human, let alone a child.

If it weren't for Stacie, she wouldn't have had even the tiniest bit of youth to remind her that she was still young and it was okay to act her age every once in a while. She'd sneak into movies with Stacie, and she'd go to parties, and smoke and drink, but then when she thought of her mother the illusion shattered and she still had to look out for herself.

She still had to get home and lock up in her room before her dad got back from the bar. She just swept her mother under the rug and continued on, she wasn't gonna let anyone take away her one chance at life, especially not her absentee mother.

Beca picked up her phone, but when she pressed the home button nothing happened. She pressed it again, repeatedly, just in case it was running slow, but nothing. It was completely dead, and she didn't have her charger. “Great.” She muttered to herself, letting her head fall on the steering wheel. She got out of the car with her things and her keys, she didn't grab a jacket _again_ , and she started walking.

Was there a certain way she was supposed to respond to that phone call? Was there like rules to go by when it came to random phone calls from runaway parents? Something like 'Hey, mom, I'm still pretty bummed that you ditched me, but hey what's up?’ maybe? A side effect of missing out on life, was missing out on proper social skills and interaction.

She wasn't great on picking up social cues, but she wasn't horrible either, she was just terribly awkward and introverted. It wasn't her fault, she just has some pretty high walls, it wasn't anything personal it was just safer that way. But this was _her mother_ calling after nearly two whole decades of silence. She didn't think anyone knows how to handle that well.

 

* * *

 

 

Beca stood in front of her door, looking for her keys. She didn't know what to do now, everything was just coming apart. Christmas was only days away now, she was out of pills and now that she wasn't wide awake for a good chunk of the night, the nightmares happened frequently, full force, jerking her awake, waking up Chloe in the process, and leaving her to her own pathetic self.

She stuck the key in to unlock her door, she walked in and saw Chloe lounging on the couch. She'd gotten used to coming home and seeing Chloe there in the living room reading her books, or watching TV, maybe in the kitchen with her coffee or microwaving a cup of instant noodles or frozen burritos. “Hey, Chlo.”

“Hey, stranger.” Beca found herself rolling her eyes at that nickname. She guessed she deserved it since she'd been very checked out lately. Beca left her things on the table, and plugged her phone into the charger, and sat on the couch next to her. She was watching Golden Girls, and Beca sat back.

The only thing grounding her enough to keep her from needing a straight jacket was sitting around with Chloe watching TV. It was unusually calm and relaxed, it was… familiar, and of course Beca didn't really say much, but it was a chance to just figure out the _next_ step, not the next _fifty_ steps. She'd let herself go a little bit and actually watched it.

 

“Excuse me, Rose, have I given you any indication that I care?”

 

Beca laughed at the line, it sounded so much like her it was ridiculous. Chloe just looked at her. Her eyebrows were slightly raised and she had a grin just spread across her face that Beca didn't understand. “Okay, what are you staring at, weirdo?”

“Nothing, just haven't heard you laugh in a while…” Beca didn't know what to say, it was true. She hadn't been acting very human, she was mostly just numb. The real question was; Had she really been paying that much attention to her habits? She said nothing and she gave a half shrug before getting up and walking to the kitchen. Her mouth was sour from being so hungry, she hadn't eaten in almost two days.

“Are you hungry? Of course you are, what type of question is that, you must be starving, I’m sorry.” Chloe’s stomach answered for her with a loud demonstration of a whale’s mating call. Beca looked at her and laughed, Chloe gave a giddy smile and blushed at her body’s unwanted confession. “Yep, someone’s got the rumblies.”

“I guess I could eat.”

“Want a burrito?” Beca asked opening the freezer and seeing the small assortment of frozen food.

“Not be, like, picky or anything… but I've had like _a million_ of those burritos already, there's not a lot in the fridge…” Beca took a deep breath in and closed the freezer. _She_ didn't even want a frozen burrito.

“Let’s go find something?”

 

* * *

 

 

They stopped at a small pizza place and got two excessively large slices. It was seven o'clock at night, she was there walking around Chloe and she literally could not think of a time she was in a less stressed headspace.

She'd ask about her day and that one question landed them somewhere in the epic debate of morning showers and night showers. “I'm not saying that they're better, even though the obviously _are_ , but wouldn't you rather be refreshed before going to work in the morning?” Beca shook her head as they walked, and she was laughing.

“I would just rather be _clean_ , I'm sorry if my bathing habits are too weird for you, Chlo.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“I didn't say they were weird!”

“Yeah-huh, you think it's weird.”

“Oh whatever, _Beca_.” They walked in silence for a minute. “Hey, Beca… I know with everything going on, you're probably really not okay right to talk, but you can if you want.” Beca looked at her shocked at her offer, she didn't expect Chloe to want to know anything outside of what there is, but she did.

Beca took too long to answer, and Chloe started stumbling on her words and trying to retract what she said. “I mean, I know that I'm just like a weird rando staying at your house, but-”

“No, no, no, it's okay.” Beca said letting Chloe catch her breath. “Thanks.” Chloe just nodded and they continued to walk.

“And, um, thanks for uh-thanks for letting me stay and stuff…” Chloe nudged her with her shoulder and softly smiled at her.

“What else are friends for?” she was very much aware of the way Chloe looked after her the night before. She remembered the way she moved the hair from her face, she still felt the way her fingertips ghosted over, tracing her skin. She was looking at her and she remembered that one specific moment.

Beca could hear a train in the distance and she feels the lights go off in her head, and suddenly her fingers were wishing for a pen. She assumes Chloe could see her thinking, she looked at her and gave her a concerned frown.

“Beca?” She snapped and looked at her, she squeezed her eyes shut and gave a breathy laugh.

“Sorry, I just got an idea, but I uh-it's nothing, really.” Chloe shook her head rapidly and stopped walking.

“No, it's not.” Beca could hear her voice break. “I've been here for too long, Christmas is in four days and I've been imposing on you, and your friends, and you family, and I really need to go. I can't even pay you back, I swear when I leave I will come back and pay-”

“Woah, woah, woah, what's this about paying back?” She looked at Chloe's face, tears streaming down, looking down at the sidewalk. She put her hands on her shoulders, her hands felt warm at the touch. “And y-you don't _have_ to go i-if y-you don't want to…” she ducked her head to make eye contact with her.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that the look in her eyes stilled her to the very core. They were so blue and icy, she looked at them that day, even though she was just about to make the biggest decision of her life, they had something inside of them that didn't speak to what was going on, but it spoke to something inside of her. It pulled back a curtain to something she’d never encountered, but remembered like an old friend.

“I-I don't want you to-” she realized what she was about to say and how crazy it was about to sound. “F-feel like you owe me anything, okay?” She quickly recovered, but if she wasn't mistaken Chloe looked slightly disappointed with her answer. “But thank you.” Chloe looked confused, Beca's hands still rested on her shoulders.

“For what?”

“Stickin’ around, I guess…” Chloe shrugged and smiled gently.

“What else are friends for?” Beca laughed, but the next thing she knew she was wrapping her arms around Chloe into a tight hug. It was warm, it was _safe_ , the cold air around them that had been nipping at their noses was gone, and she was just existing in this hug.

This, like the look in her eyes, was something so familiar. It was like if she'd been here for years in this moment, it was like remembering things from another life or things that haven't happened yet. It was almost like she'd hugged Stacie or Emily, like it'd been happening for years and years. It felt like holding her guitar and playing a song she knew by heart, she felt like this was something old but brand new.

She clinged tighter, resting her chin on her shoulder, she could feel her breath in her ear, it sent a hopefully unnoticeable shudder up her spine, but it only inclined her to nuzzle her chin deeper it her shoulder. Chloe has been there for a month, she smelled like her apartment, but Beca could smell her before any of that. She always smelled like the word 'lovely’ and 'wonderful’ were in a blender with a fragrance from an expensive store in the city.

She felt a warm pooling feeling across her chest seeing that Chloe hadn't let go yet, and she found herself not wanting to leave. This felt different, whatever it was had woken something else up inside of her like the way her eyes had the day they met. Beca imagined that the word 'revive’ was barely enough to cover the warmth that made it's way everywhere across her limbs. But ‘revive’ would have to do for now.

* * *

 


	21. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry it took so long. I've been trying to write it as soon as possible, but I didn't have anything good, but I'm hoping that this is kinda sorta good. If it's not, I'm sorry, I tried, but maybe next chapter will be awesome. It's kinda short, I know, but I can't look at it anymore or else I'd never get it done, but enjoy I guess.

* * *

 

**December 23rd**

Beca finally did it. She got sick. Even and after Chloe had _repeatedly_ hounded her about leaving without her jacket, she did it anyway. Normally Chloe would be fine, she'd brush it off after lightly scolding her for it, but Beca didn't have a car at the moment. So not only was she not wearing her jacket, she was _walking_ to work in the cold. Chloe smiled to herself remembering how Stacie got on her about it, and even Emily.

 

_“Honestly, Beca, you need to take better care of yourself!”_

 

_“If my mom found out that you haven't been wearing a coat…”_

 

Beca being… well, _Beca,_ it was expected of her to react in such a moody, grumpy, and inconsolable manner. Chloe hadn't gotten the worst of it, surprisingly. She felt smug knowing that Jesse resented her a little bit for Beca being so tame and not threatening, or insulting, her opposed to how she was treating him.

Her fever lasted for about half a day, she had a runny nose, body aches, and a nasty cough. She went back to work thinking she could get away with it, but none of her employers would let her seeing that her nose was sore and red, and her voice was strained and scratchy.

She was a hard worker, but maybe she worked _too_ hard. When Chloe came back from the bathroom and a smile broke across her face seeing Beca asleep on the couch. It was about two in the morning, they'd usually be up watching movies or old sitcoms, but this little cold had Beca spent.

She thought better than to wake her to go to her bed, she gently draped a quilt over her and she took the smaller blanket for herself. She'd let her have the couch and she took the recliner, she sat there for a good while thinking about what Beca had said to her on their small dinner excursion.

 

_“And y-you don't have to go i-if y-you don't want to…”_

 

Chloe didn't want to go. Not because Tom and his mother would _most likely_ take turns berating her, but because she couldn't remember a time when everything was so familiar. She'd adapt to everyone and everything like Aubrey's overprotectiveness and Tom's obvious commitment issues, or to settling for an operator position, to dad asking her when she would get married and how happy he'll be when she does.

She was just going through the motions, there was structure and a pattern, but it always felt like she woke up in a stranger's skin. She never felt like herself, everything felt new, always blindsiding her one way or another, and she always adapted and found a way to work through it or around it. But here… here she didn't have to do either, it felt like she'd been here before, like she knew the routines, she knew the atmosphere like the back of her hand, it all just fit. It just fit, no adapting or adjusting, it just did. Why would she want to leave? She's Chloe here, she's familiar with _here_.

It's late into the afternoon, Beca is still asleep on the couch, only have woken up for the bathroom, water. Which was twice. She needed to rest, and for some reason Chloe couldn't let go of the fact she was choosing to do so in the living room. As far as she's concerned, Beca didn't really ever sleep anywhere except her room, she'd never even _been_ in her room.

She gotten so used to Beca coming out on her own terms, but now that she was openly sleeping in the living room did that mean she trusts her? Chloe set those aside for later, instead she focus more on what her plan was. Chloe had felt like a bad, inadequate friend to Beca. Again, she was living in her house rent free, eating her food, and wearing _some_ of her clothes, and Chloe had only just accompanied her to Thanksgiving, therapy sessions, and to work.

Surely her companionship, and presence wasn't exactly enough to repay her. No way, nothing amounts to this. Even if Beca didn't mind, there had to be _something_ she could do. So, with that she was deciding to go on an independent outing to get ingredients for soup. Soup might've been the most insignificant, laid back, and easy types of favors, but that's all Chloe really had access to at the moment, and it'll be good for Beca.

It was a good thing, though, that Chloe's soup was actually _really_ good. She took one last look at Beca, whose arm uncomfortably dangled off the couch, with the blanket crumpled down to her midsection. She was about to walk out the door, but she couldn't do it, she _had_ to reposition Beca's arm or else it would be sore when she woke up.

She quietly crept over to the couch, slightly hunched over her sleepy, bedridden friend. _Poor Becs._ She, _very carefully_ , grabbed Beca's wrist to bring her arm back to her side. She pulled the blanket back up to her chest, almost right under her chin. She let her hands linger for too long, and then she snapped that she had somewhere to be. She finally willed herself out the door and closed it softly behind her. Now to get that soup.

 

* * *

 

 

The snow is falling heavier than it has been lately. There's ice almost everywhere on the sidewalk, Chloe has to slightly walk towards the buildings to catch herself in case she falls _again_. She looked up at the sky as she walked, it was dark and clouded over. They reminded her of Beca's eyes lately, she'd been staring at her phone a lot with an intense and pensive expression.

When Chloe first took notice of this, she didn't really say anything or do anything, she hadn't felt that there much she _could_ do. She meant what she had told her about wanting to talk, she wanted to keep the empty look off her face as much as she could. From what it seemed like, she was doing it. Then she thought that maybe she was just working herself out and fixing her own problem, but Chloe wanted to have faith in her first conclusion.

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe made her way through each aisle, she had almost every ingredient, and then she saw Emily. “Hey, Em!”

“Hey, Chlo, where's Beca?”

“She's home, still fighting off that cold.” Emily made an 'o’ shape with her mouth, and continued to walk with her to produce.

“She's so stubborn sometimes.” Chloe didn't disagree, she had to manhandle her to make her take her medicine. The last time she had to make her, she had her pinned to the couch, and she held the tablespoon of cough syrup in front of her lips until she took it. She hasn't had a problem since.

“Oh, believe me, I know.”

“So, how did you get here?”

“I walked, I didn't want to take Beca's keys while she was sleeping.” She was just about ready to go so they both made their way to check-out.

“Thanks.” She looked at Emily with a questioning look. She hadn't done anything to be thanked.

“For what?”

“Looking out for Beca, I mean she has the band, and my mom and us, but she only lets us help so much. You just kinda do it with or without her say, so that's pretty cool.” Chloe smiled and went up to Cynthia Rose’s line.

“Chloe! What are you up to?”

“Just gonna make soup for Becs, she needs something other than burritos.” Cynthia laughed and shook her head.

“We tell her that we don't get charged for this stuff, but for some reason those frozen burritos are all she buys.” She scanned all of it and bagged it, and gave Chloe her bags. “Here you go, tell Beca I said feel better.”

“Will do.” Chloe nodded and she walked up to the sliding door and looked outside. The snow was falling harder, she could barely see on to the street. She took a deep breath, and moved the neck of her hoodie over her nose and she started on her way back home.

 

* * *

 

 

When Chloe came back, the door was still unlocked, and she came in, and Beca wasn't on the couch anymore. She looked around, her bedroom door wasn't closed all the way and the bathroom door was wide open. “Beca?” Chloe called out and there was nothing. _Maybe she's getting her prescription refill._

Chloe then proceeded to busy herself with unbagging the groceries, she didn't want to over think Beca's absence, she'd been gone for a whole day before and she still came back. Everything would be fine. She turned on the radio, and she listened to what sounded like an emergency weather warning.

 

“Massive snow storm in the Tompkins County area, stay indoors, keep windows shut. Icy roads, do not drive, pull over to the side of the road and keep your heater on-”

 

Chloe then turned off the radio and looked out the window, she still couldn't see clear across the street. Beca was out there. She continued to make the soup, she couldn't call anyone, there was no phone. Beca was going to come home. She always did. What if this time she didn't?

* * *

 


	22. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short mention of blood, but it's nothing too graphic. Just a heads up in case I have any hemophobes reading, enjoy!

* * *

 

**“Hello?” Beca heard nothing on the other line, she waited it out, she could hear the faint sounds of cars passing by. “Hello…?” She waited again, and whoever was calling wasn't speaking up. Beca wasn't going to have it, she only had five minutes left to her break and she wasn't about to waste it on some random phone call from a creepy stranger. “Okay… I'm hanging up now… Don't call-”**

**“Wait! Wait… it's me.” Her heart sank when she heard her voice. Her jaw went slack, and she could feel the blood coursing through her body, and the loud sounds of her heart beat in her ears. “Rebeca?” She pulled the phone away and hung up, her eyes were wide and her hands were shaking.**

……

Beca let out a blood curdling scream and sat up. Her heart was beating at the speed of sound, and she felt like she was out of air. It was freezing, and the apartment was silent. No frantic feet running from any direction to come check on her. No smell of microwave burritos, no sounds of the TV or radio. No water from the sink or shower either. No Chloe. Just silence.

She stood from the couch, and she took a look around. “Chloe?” she was nowhere to be seen. Her keys were still on the table, her wallet untouched in the bunched up jeans on the floor, everything was still there as it should be, except the coat that hung next to Beca's for a month.

Chloe wouldn't leave her like this. No way. Or maybe she would. Maybe she's found all of Beca's prescription bottles and finally realized what exactly she'd found her doing that day she found her and left. She found out Beca was withdrawing and she wanted no part of it. But that couldn't be, Chloe didn't care about that stuff, right?

 

* * *

 

 

It's freezing, the wind is blowing the snow furiously at Beca's face, she'd gotten her coat, she had her phone, and she had shoved her keys into her pocket. Chloe wouldn't just leave, she had to be somewhere, Beca knew it. She wouldn't stay for a month and then vanish into thin air without so much as a goodbye. She was going to be like her mother. She wasn't her mother, it wasn't like that. She wouldn't just leave her. But what if she did?

_There is something seriously wrong with you. Why else would Chloe leave? Did you honestly think that she'd be your friend after finding out what you did? She can't even look you in the face to tell you she's leaving. You really thought she'd be comfortable in your life, didn't you?_

“Stop it!” She slapped the side of her head. Her fingers and toes were cold, the tip of her nose was bright red, and her heart was beating out of her chest. She couldn't even tell where she was going, the snow covered up everything she recognized.

She tried to use her phone to call someone, but she had no reception. _Great. Just great._ She kept walking, she stopped in front of what she hoped was a stop sign. She kicked it, the snow falling off of the part that said 'stop’, but stayed on the labels of the street signs.

She jumped and tried to hit it, but she couldn't reach it properly. She tried again, and nothing, she tried again, and nothing. She tried one more time, and she leapt off the ground and hit the sign, but when the heels of her feet hit the ground she slipped backwards and fell onto the floor.

 

_“What else are friends for?”_

 

* * *

 

 

Beca's eyes slowly opened, she heard the muffled sounds of someone talking. “Hey.” She didn't say anything, she was still adjusting, she looked up and she saw an older, dark complexioned woman leaning over her.

“Hey, you alright, miss?” She sat up, everything felt heavy, she was still lying in the snow, except now there was a blanket over her. It was still snowing but not as heavily, the only thing she could see was the woman in front of her.

“H-how long have I been here?” She put her hand to the back of her head and winced as she barely touched the sore spot. The woman lightly grabbed her hand and put it back down into her lap.

“A good fifteen, are you alright? What were you doing out here?” It felt like she was hearing everything under water, there was a ringing in her ears. She'd now been away from home for thirty minutes, and no sign of Chloe. She had to keep moving. She scrambled to get up, she shook off the blanket.

“I'm looking for uh-I-I’m sorry, thank you, but I have to find her.” she took off quick before the woman could object and she was gone.

She walked into the pub, she pried open the door, and walked into a dark building. “Hello?” She heard shuffling from somewhere inside. The heater was on, it felt good, she felt something wet at the back of her head, but that was quickly forgotten when she saw Luke coming from the office behind the stage.

“Becky? What are you doing here? You're gonna get your sickness all over the bar.” He was only joking, but Beca wasn't seeming to catch everything, it was taking her a minute to process.

“S-sorry, I was looking for, um… nevermind, it doesn't matter, I just needed to get inside or-or something.” she took her phone out of her pocket, she was about to call Stacie when Luke screamed.

“Christ, Becky, what the hell happened?” She rolled her eyes and looked at him.

“The fuck do you mean, Luke?” His face was suddenly pale, and she realized he wasn't kidding.

“Your head…” he came out from behind the bar and reached out a hand, but he quickly retracted it. She reached her fingers back to touch it, it stung, and when she brought them back they were coated in a bright, red, syrupy substance.

“Fuck.” She breathed and she wiped her hand on her jeans. “I gotta-I better… I'm gonna go.” she turned to go and Luke grabbed her hand.

“Here.” He gave her a hand warmer pack and a rag.

“Thanks.” she took the hand warmer and placed the rag at the base of her neck. “I'll see you.” He nodded and she was on her way. She still had to find Chloe.

 

* * *

 

 

“Fuck, Stacie! I don't care that it's fucking freezing balls, I need to find her!” Beca clinged to her hand warmer with all she had, with her phone in her other hand. The snow was starting to let up, and she was walking up her street, her apartment drawing nearer with each step.

“No, what you _need_ to do is turn your ass around and get to my house.”

“No, I'm already home. I-I want to-I _have_ to find her, Stacie.” There was a tight knotting in her stomach at the thought of Chloe just leaving. She wouldn't. She kept thinking it, she had to believe it, she didn't know why she had so much faith in this but she did. She had to. She walked up her steps and stood out for a minute.

“Okay, Beca, honey, what if she just left? You know, went back to her own life? I'm sure she won't forget you, and she'll come visit, but you have to realize that she had a life before-” she opened her front door, and kicked off her shoes.

“No, Stacie, I know her she wouldn't just-” there was so much overwhelming noise coming from right in front of her, when she looked up she saw Chloe in front of the sink. Beca dropped her phone and the noise made Chloe turn to face her. “Chloe.”

“Beca, where have you-” she gave her no time to finish her question, she threw herself into her arms, holding as tight as she could.

“Oh God, you're here! Oh, thank God!” She breathed her in, the smell of Chloe spilling warmth across her chest again, as her heart skipped a beat.

“Oh, jeez, Beca your head!” Chloe craned her neck to look at the gushing wound. “What happened? Where were you?”

“I just had to find you.” Chloe just held tighter, and the sounds of her doubts were muffled by the sound of her own heartbeat in her ears.

“You're okay.” She sighed over Beca's shoulder. It was okay now in Beca's mind. For the first time, she was so happy to be wrong.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too lame of a chapter to fix that cliffhanger from the one before this.


	23. Stacie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is different, but I hope you like it.

* * *

 

**December 25th**

**She waited outside of the Mitchell house on the doorstep. She walked down the steps back to the sidewalk and paced in front chain link fence. “Hey, everything alright?”**

**“Yeah, great.” Beca sighed as she put the beanie on her head.**

**“Did you want to say bye to your da-”**

**“No!” Stacie jumped at the volume and urgency in her voice. She watched Beca take a few breaths and right herself. “No… I mean, no. He's a sleep.” Stacie remained wary of her attitude.**

**“Okay… let's go then…”**

 

* * *

 

 

**Stacie laid out all the pillows and smoothed out the duvet. She put the bowl of popcorn right in front of her laptop and sat back on the bed. “Coming out soon, princess?” With that Beca opened the bathroom door, still in her baggy black hoodie. She seemed to neglect the pajamas Stacie loaned her.**

**“Sorry…” she awkwardly took a seat next to Stacie's on the bed.**

**“Are you gonna get into something more comfortable?” She arched an eyebrow at Beca, who was rapidly shaking her head.**

**“N-no I'm okay, thanks.” They continued watching the movie, Beca only proceeded to tug and pull at her hoodie. Stacie only grew more observant of the way she winced every time she moved.**

**“Okay, Beca, seriously you look uncomfortable.” Stacie sat up and put a hand on her arm. Beca hissed and pulled away quick.**

**“Stacie, please… don't.” Beca didn't look at her, she kept her eyes out of view.**

**“Beca…” Stacie took Beca's hand and held it to roll up her sleeve. There was a dark bruise in the outline of a hand. “Oh my God…” Stacie looked at Beca who had her eyes closed, a single tear falling from the corner of her eyes. Stacie pulled off her sweater.**

**There were black and blue bruises, some of them yellowing at the edges. They covered most of her shoulders and midsection. Stacie pulled off her sweats and there were a few bruises on the sides of her thighs, and she gasped when she saw the fading ones on the insides of her thighs.**

**“I told you not to.”**

……

She slowly opened her eyes, she could see the pale light coming from the window. She rose from the bed and looked out of the window. She's always had a white Christmas since she was a little girl growing up in Yonkers, and now here in Ithaca too. Mommy and Daddy had a house at the end of Knapp Avenue, right in front of Wickers Park.

On the other end of the park was Beca's house, while her parents told her to stay in the yard, little Stacie always played hopscotch, or jump rope, or rode her bike down the sidewalk when she found a small and sad Beca Mitchell on the front steps.

_“Do you wanna play?”_

She'd spent the last seventeen years walking in front of Beca, and looking out for her because Beca was her haven when she was being Beca's. The Conrad family might've been the most attractive in the small neighborhood in Westchester, but they all played dollhouse alike.

Infidelity was the fourth family member in that house, and between her father's mischief, and her mother's constant disapproval and worry about her older brother, there wasn't enough 'family’ for Stacie to go around. But it didn't matter, she had Beca, and that was all she needed.

 

* * *

 

 

Stacie stared out at the mostly empty pub. There's only Jesse, Cynthia Rose, Lilly, Emily, Luke, and Beca and Chloe all gathered up around the tiny Christmas tree on the bar. This family has been family for four years, now adding some new blood. Stacie could be studying the structures and weakness in chemical compounds, but she'd rather be where her family is.

Beca is Stacie's sister, looking at her now seeing that this _stranger_ just came into her life and she accepted her all the same was amazing. Beca never took too well to strangers, except Chloe, and Stacie was _so_ proud of that. She was growing. She was worried about Beca at first, but seeing that Chloe made sure Stacie was called after Beca's accident silenced her doubts.

 

_“Hey, Stace, it's Chloe…”_

 

_“Oh, what's up…?”_

 

_“It's Beca…”_

 

She smiled at all of this, this was her favorite thing about being in such a rundown town, the people were wonderful and even if it's rundown it's been more of a home to her and Beca than anywhere else. She watched Beca behind the bar with Chloe talking to Emily, laughing and laughing.

She didn't miss the way their bodies seemed to just gravitate towards each other, no matter what end of the bar they're at, they always end up right next to each other. “Hey, weirdo.”

“Hey, Jess.” She looked at him and his silly elf hat, he looked adorkable. “Something you need, or you just gonna stand there looking cute?” His ears got a little red with Stacie's words and he chucked and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Well, I was just wondering where you hung the secret mistletoe this year…” he looked down at the floor and avoided all eye contact.

“What's the point of a secret if I'm telling everybody?” Stacie winked and tilted her head to the side. Jesse just laughed awkwardly and took a deep breath.

“I've got a plan that has to do with the mistletoe, can you just tell me where it is?” He glanced over his shoulder and Stacie followed his head looking back at Beca.

“Would this plan have to do with a certain grumpy shortstack?” Stacie narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms defensively. No one gets to Beca without getting to her first, it's a simple sister rule, nothing personal.

Well, maybe a little personal, he's been following Beca around like a lovesick puppy ever since his last girlfriend bailed, she wasn't down for Beca being sloppy seconds even though it happened more than a year ago. She just liked to be careful, this is her family.

“It would-”

“Don't.” That's all she needs to say to see Jesse back down, he just nodded at her and she walked back to the bar. “What are we talking about?” She poured herself a shot and drank it as she listened to the girls give her the run down on whatever she missed. She looked at Beca and she was smiling, and this was a rare occasion.

Sure, Beca would laugh, but she wouldn't smile. Those are two different things. People can laugh and smile at a joke for a while, but they don't just keep smiling unless they have a reason or because they want to, when people smile it's because something around them or in their head makes them feel like they have every reason to smile. That was Beca nowadays. She just smiled more often, sometimes not genuinely and other times she really did mean to smile. It's been that way since Chloe came to town, and Stacie couldn't thank her enough.

Beca deserved to smile, she needed to smile because Stacie only knows how long it's been since an actual smile. Beca had been her safe place all through school, and she was Beca's too, but she didn't need so much saving anymore. Her safe place needed rest, and she seems to have found it. She was brought out of all her sentiments when Beca kissed her cheek and Chloe patted her back.

“We're gonna head out. Merry Christmas, Sis, love you.”

“Merry Christmas, Beca Boo, I love you too. Bye, Chloe, see you soon.”

“Bye, Stacie, thank you for having me.” Stacie gave her a hug and then they continued to say bye to everyone as they went. She looked at Beca one more time. 'Blood doesn't make you family, love does.’ and if that's true, then as broken as Stacie Conrad's childhood was, her family couldn't be more glued together.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way Knapp Avenue is named after Alexis Knapp (aka Stacie Conrad) and Wickers Park was just off the top of my head I had to get creative.


	24. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a while but enjoy!

* * *

**December 27th**

“You don't have to get a job-”

“Yes, Beca, I do. I can't keep mooching, I know you like to look out for me, but I want to be able to look out for me too.”  Chloe wants a job. That's perfectly normal, she wants to get out of the house that's fine. What Beca doesn't think is fine, is Chloe wanting to pay her back. That's not what she wanted, she didn't want anything, there's no reward or reason for anything she does for Chloe except getting a smile.

“Okay, well, I'm the manager at Ruth's so you can pick up shifts there.”

“No, you can't just give me a job, I'll get one on my own-”

“With what? Don't you think you'll need your ID, birth certificate, social, all of that shit? They won't let you apply if you don't have it.” Beca didn't mean to shoot down Chloe's efforts to become more independent, but if she got a job she would leave and Beca couldn't stomach that idea.

“Well, I can't just stay here forever, Beca!” She felt a pang in her heart seeing that Chloe was frowning. She wanted to do anything in her power to get rid of it, but she couldn't say how much she actually needed her.

“You know what, I am not having this discussion anymore.” She moved to walk to her room and Chloe walked the opposite way to the table.

“Fine by me!” She slammed her door and sat on her bed. She let it sink in. She and Chloe just got into a fight. She wanted to apologize, she wanted to tell her she was sorry, she didn't want to Chloe to stay angry with her. She got up to open the door, but then her phone started buzzing.

“Hello?”

“There's a guy coming to watch us tonight.” Beca didn't understand, Jesse was never any good at explaining, she was a little caught off guard by what he just said.

“What do you mean?”

“Someone told someone else about Deaf Jew and now someone is coming to listen in.” She found herself at a loss for words, she had no idea what to say. They were finally getting recognition.

“Oh my God…”

“I know! You have to get over here now so we can go over the set.” She was still shocked with this good news, but she didn't feel as excited as she should've been at the moment.

“Okay, okay, okay, I'll be there now, bye.” She hung up and she rerouted to the closet. She looked down and saw the shoe box where she kept David Mitchell’s urn.

She ignored the thoughts that tried to barge their way to the front of her mind and she grabbed some clothes out of the closet instead of off of the floor for a change. She did her best to ignore the way Chloe's eyes followed her to the front door.

“Where are _you_ going?” knowing she'd follow, Beca kept walking.

“Out, if you want to come nows the time.” She pulled on her jacket and opened the door, Chloe hesitated for a moment, but she eventually gave into the invitation and followed her.

 

* * *

 

 

After walking in silence for what feels like forever, they arrived at O’Neill's. Beca didn't look back, she kept her eyes straight ahead towards the stage. Though she wasn't looking, she knew Chloe was looking. She could feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of her head. “Becaw!”

“Jesse, are you ready?” She approached him, he joined her at her side as she made her way to the very last stool on the bar, listening to the loud mum of patrons inside. His arm brushed hers as they walked, and then she finally put her things on the stool and opened her guitar case.

“Yes… no, not at all.” She looked up to see a nervous smile. He sat on the barstool and looked at Beca. “So, I was thinking for the set we could do three songs, before you go home, I want to do This is Why, Kill the Director, and-”

“I want to sing my song.” Beca stated simply, interrupting the list of songs he was counting on his fingers. She'd sing the first two songs, but whatever that other song was it could wait for another night. She wanted to sing a new original. The same songs they sing all the time weren't gonna cut it, not for this gig.

“I don't think we're ready-” she put her hand on the back of his barstool and tilted it back, her face an inch away from his, looking directly into his eyes.

“We're singing my song.” He gulped and nodded, and she put his stool back down. She saw Chloe staring at her from the other end of the bar in front of Stacie. She didn't let her stare linger for too long, she then turned her attention to the rest of her bandmates to discuss their set.

Their performance was in full swing, they performed the first two songs perfectly. She could spot a man at the far back of the crowd wearing a suit and tie, that was whoever wanted to listen in. She knew because in her very small town, everyone who ever came to O’Neill's was dressed casually, never formally. She saw Chloe, she saw her eyes raking their way up Beca's figure and meeting her eyes.

For the split second they made eye contact, Chloe looked panicked and turned her face away because she was caught staring. “You guys fall asleep on us or can we do one last song?” The crowd cheered and Beca looked back at an unsteady group. “Ready?” All of them nodded confidently, but their faces were riddled with uncertainty.

“One, two, three, four!” The music started and Beca closed her eyes and felt the warm lights on her face.

“I can be a handful,” Beca began. “But that's why you have two hands."

"I'm not ever careful, and I can be rude, yeah.” she let Jesse take over and she listened to sounds of each best Lilly drummed out. When she opened her eyes, she met Chloe's across the bar. Her eyes slowly moved to the man in the back watching, his face looked content with the performance.

“Too many issues, so I wouldn't blame you. Bearer of bad news, I've got no excuse.” Beca took a breath before singing the chorus, her heart beating in her ears, she could feel a fire burning in her chest.

“I talk to myself, self, I think I need help, help. So what if I'm na-na-na not okay? I'm na-na-na not okay, I'm bad for my health, health. My head's on a shelf, shelf. So what if I'm na-na-na not okay? I'm na-na-na not okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Beca decided to wrap up her night at the pub, she noticed that the professionally dressed gentleman was.giving his card to Jesse. Beca's eyes followed the man to the door, and she walked to the far end of the bar where Jesse, Stacie, and Chloe stood. “What just happened?” She looked at Jesse who was staring down a the small card in between his forefinger and thumb.

“I have no idea.” He looked up at her, and then they were both laughing and he swept her up off the ground and she laughed into the crook of his neck.

“Okay, put me down, you cheese ball!” She looked at Stacie, who instantly met her with a hug.

“You did _so_ good!” She squirmed feeling Stacie mumble against her neck. She turned them slightly and she saw Jesse and another man talking. She could see the conversation getting heated, and Jesse backing away with his hands up, trying to avoid the man.

“Hey, Stace, I'll be right back…” she trailed off and let go, leaving Stacie mildly confused. She approached the two, she looked at Jesse's apprehensive expression. The man quickly moved to strike Jesse, causing him to slightly stumble into a few chairs.

“Hey!” She got the man's attention and punched him right in the face, making his head turn the other way. To Beca's dismay, there was a cop in the pub.

“Hold it right there, Missy.” he put his hand out to prevent any more acts of violence, and he stood next to the man who now had a bloody nose. “What exactly do you think you're doing?”

“Protecting my friends?” He narrowed his eyes at her, his stare shifted from Beca to Jesse then back to the man who was harassing him.

“I'm gonna need you to come with me.”

“What? That's bullshit!” Stacie exclaimed as she watched Beca get put in handcuffs. Beca just grumbled and rolled her eyes at the situation. “You can't just-”

“Let it go, Stace.”

“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can and _will_ be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

“Yes.” Beca muttered, and let the officer lead her out of the pub.

“Cooper, will you get the other one?” She felt a slight bit of victory hearing that the other man would be punished as well.

 

* * *

 

 

She paced the holding cell, it was freezing, and two of her knuckles were purple and swollen with one small scratch from the man's tooth. They were held in the same cell until he was removed, but not before he could make mockery of Beca and her height, also stating that she hit 'like a girl’. It was ridiculous considering one: she is a girl, two: she gave him a bloody nose, and three: he was the one who was too sauced to actually pick a fight correctly.

His name was called and an officer waited next to his holding cell to give him his personal items. On his way out he made his way to where Beca was being held. “See you around, shorty.” He saluted her and winked.

“In your dreams, creep.” She deadpanned and paid no attention to the fact that he still stood there.

“Oh, even better.” She looked at him with a sly grin as she walked up to the metal bars. She stuck her skinny arms through and put them on his chest. His jaw went slack with her actions, but that completely changed in a matter of seconds after she yanked him against the hard metal by the collar of his shirt.

“The fuck did you just say to me?” She listened to him struggle and grunt, trying to get out of her hold.

“What's going on, Mitchell?” the officer stated, walking up with his keys, she focused on the jingling noise, and then let go of the man.

“Just playing with my new friend.” She looked at the grey haired policeman and back at the balding man.

“Get outta here, Ron!” He yelled at the man, who quickly made his way to the metal doors that lead to the waiting room.

“Yeah, get out of here, Ron.” Beca said teasingly seeing that the man practically ran out. The officer opened the door of her holding cell and let her walk through.

“And you,” he began as she walked into the open space in front of the desk. “I don't want to see you in here anymore, you hear?”

“Loud and clear.” She nodded once and walked to the metal double doors and pushed them open. She saw Chloe sitting in one of the chairs, waiting patiently.

“Hey.”

“You waited up for me?” she felt a warm sensation in her stomach. Chloe waited for her, despite the fight earlier and ignoring each other. Chloe stood up and walked over to where she was.

“Course I waited up for you.” She brought her into a tight hug that Beca reciprocated. The hug probably lasted longer than it should have, but Beca didn't care. When she let go she looked at Beca and she moved her thumb back and forth across her shoulder. “Home?”

“Home.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kill the Director by: The Wombats
> 
> This is Why by: Hey Violet
> 
> I'm Not Ok by: The Weathers
> 
> Check those songs out if you want to hear what they sound like.
> 
> I'm Not Ok is the last song they sing, I hope you like it! :)


	25. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while but I hope this makes up for it.
> 
> It's kind of short but I think it's important that it is so next chapter will have more angst and *maybe* some fluff. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

* * *

**December 28th**

It's getting colder with every passing minute. The smell of chimney smoke is everywhere, and every fast food restaurant and cafe is advertising their hot chocolate. Manny's is selling the very last of their eggnog, and gingerbread houses. And Beca has been avoiding Gail Abernathy as much as possible.

She sat in Katherine's office with a mug of black coffee. “Did you want to let me listen to the message?” Beca hesitated, but she reluctantly pulled out her phone and opened the newest voicemail.

 

“Hi, Rebeca, it's Gail Abernathy. I was just calling to remind you that we still have paperwork to go over and belongings to divide between you and anyone else in the will. I'll be passing through Yonkers on the twenty-seventh through the thirtieth, let me know if you would like to meet up and discuss your father's last wishes.”

 

Beca stared at the phone, disgust building behind her face at the word 'father’. David Mitchell was no father. She looked up at Katherine, who was writing in her notepad. She had no intention of making an appearance in her hometown. She had no desire to see old faces and be on the receiving end of anyone's pity. She didn't need their pity, she didn't need their condolences, there was no loss as far as Beca was concerned.

“Are you going to go?” Beca kept her eyes on the cerulean colored mug in her hands. It was almost the same shade of Chloe's eyes, but not quite. It didn't have the same little subtle hint of sky blue that Chloe's did.

“Do I really have a choice?” It seemed mandatory. It would be the last step to forget that part of her life.

“Of course you have a choice, but are you going to go? It seems like you might get some closure for everything that's happened.” Or it may open an old can of worms from her first month in therapy.

Her mind can become very fragile when her childhood is discussed. Those types of discussions can shatter all thoughts of rationality and safety with one mention. So Beca doesn't discuss it.

“Maybe…” she took a drink of her coffee. She let the bitter taste of caffeine run over her tongue, and remind her of the lack of sleep for the past few days. She lays up at night and she writes new music, she's always awake to hear the train passing through and ever since Chloe had arrived with her in her small town, she's been writing song lyrics based around the sound of the whistle and the engine pushing the train on the loud iron tracks.

She was about to change her mind about meeting with Gail when an idea hit her. “Maybe I can ask Chloe to come with me.”

“Would that help?” There's not a doubt in Beca's mind.

“Yeah… yeah, I think so.” Katherine offered her a warm smile and wrote more observations in her notepad.

“Tell me about her, about Chloe. How is she?” Beca couldn't suppress the smile that rose up to the surface. Katherine seemed to take note of the change in her mood at the mention of her redheaded friend.

“She's good.” Beca's thoughts then wandered off, and she wondered how Chloe was doing at the diner. She had bargained with Beca the night before, to try it once to determine if she would take Beca's job offer.

Today had been her first day, Beca dropped her off in the front, she remembers the way Chloe smiled at her and waved like a child on their first day of school. “She wanted to get a job, but she doesn't have her information so I let her have a shift at the diner just so she could try it.”

“Is she moving here?”

“Well…” she contemplated telling Katherine about how their friendship really came to be, but she thinks better not to without Chloe's permission. “I think she just feels bad about not doing anything all day.”

“Do you not want her to stay here?” Her eyes bulged out of her head and her coffee almost came shooting out of her mouth at the question. She vividly remembers her life before Chloe, she didn't want to go back. She didn't want to face herself just yet. At least not without Chloe by her side.

“Of course I do!” She realized that her voice is a little too loud for being in such an enclosed space. “I just… I didn't want her to get a job…” she finally confessed and with a satisfied, yet concerned, smile on her face Katherine knew that this was a victory. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

“Well, why is that?”

“If she gets a job…” she breathed slowly to calm the panic resonating in her stomach at the thought of Chloe's departure. “She'll leave and I'm not sure I want her to leave.”

“How do you know she'll leave?”

“Everybody always leaves, and I don't want Chloe to be like everybody.”

“What's so different about Chloe?” There was a lot. Too much that sets Chloe apart from everyone else, if she were to go into detail of how different she is she would need at least three sessions before getting through all of it.

“She just makes me feel…” she chuckled and smiled, the auburn haired ex-bride could make her heart swell without needing to be in the same room. Being apart from Chloe gets harder with time. Beca's drawn to her, she knows she's deeply infatuated to the point that it seems beyond a physical level, beyond a crush level, beyond 'like’.

She can feel her to an extent that she knows Chloe is hesitant to touch her, and to know that Chloe wonders why Beca is the way Beca is sometimes. To the point where Beca feels safer in her presence than in Stacie's presence. She can feel the warmth and kindness radiating off of Chloe when they're together, she feels a lot deeper than she'll admit.

“I see.” Katherine pulled her out of the romantic fog she was in with a smug grin and the scribble of her pen on the yellow paper.

“Yeah…” Beca sighed. “It seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again, but I'm not sure if she'll still want to be around if I take her with me back to Yonkers.”

“I know it's crazy to believe in silly things, but it's not that easy.” Katherine took her glasses off and set them on the side table and leaned her elbows on her knees.

“It's not and I don't expect you to just let yourself hope and believe, but if Chloe is as kind and good as you say she is, then I don't see a reason for her to ever see you differently after knowing what you've gone through.” Beca sighed heavily and she looked at Katherine with a sheepish grin.

“So you're saying I should take a chance?”

“If not now then when, Beca?”

 

* * *

 

 

Her palms were sweating in eighteen degree weather and the snow was crunching under her shoes, reminding her that she needed to buy Chloe socks because the ones she'd been wearing have a hole in the heel. Her mind raced at the speed of light and she was absolutely positively that her heart shouldn't beat as fast as it is at the moment. Stacie would go with her, of course, and the rest of the band to help her clear out the place, but she had yet to ask Chloe.

“Hey, Becs!” She stiffened at the sudden ambush of Chloe's hug, but then let herself relax into it and relish in the smell of the perfume she had bought Chloe for Christmas. It was the same fragrance she said she wore in college, she had mentioned that she couldn't find it anywhere anymore, but then Stacie had told her they sold it at one of the boutiques near the outskirts of town. Chloe's smile was brighter than the lights on the pubs small Christmas tree.

“Hey, Chlo.” She mumbled into her shoulder. “How was work?” She pulled away, her hands lingered on her shoulders, probably longer than they were supposed, so Beca dropped her arms and joined her at her side in the walk back to the car.

“It was good, I got a lot of tips, and Jesse came in and ordered a Little Guy meal.” The got into the car and buckled up, Beca still wary of the question pending in the back of her throat. “He asks about you a lot, I think he likes you.” Beca took note of the change in her tone when she mentions Jesse's feeling for her. She explored the idea that she might be jealous, but she shook her head and decided against it because why would Chloe be jealous?

They started to drive and Beca's unease became more prominent. Beca knew that Chloe knew that she has something on her mind. “How was your session with Katherine today?”

“It… it was fine…” she knows she won't go back if she doesn't ask Chloe. “We talked about a lot of stuff… like my dad…” Chloe had never really asked Beca about her dad and her refusal to mourn him, but she knew that it was probably better not to.

“Oh?” Chloe was looking at her, Beca could feel her blue eyes trying to solve and analyze the enigma that is Beca Mitchell. She looked over to Chloe, who was still waiting for her to elaborate.

 

_“If not now then when, Beca?”_

 

She had to take a chance. “I'm supposed to meet the lady-”

“Gail?”

“Yeah, her… I'm supposed to meet with her tomorrow… in my hometown.” She stopped at a stop sign and took the opportunity to make eye contact with her. “I…” she took a breath, Chloe's face had nothing but patience and understanding, Beca knew she wasn't being rushed or pressured so she took the leap.

“I was wondering if you would go… with me…?” Beca watched her face break into a soft smile at the invitation, she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders and relocate itself in her lungs as she admired Chloe's pearly whites.

“Yeah… I'll go with you.” Beca forgot to smile back and Chloe second guessed herself. “Only if you really want me to, I mean-”

“Chloe.” She stopped her rambling, feeling satisfied that she wasn't the one rambling this time. “I want you to go.”

“Okay.” She started driving again and the thought of facing the house and it's history no longer weighed on her heart so heavily. She felt lighter.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did it suck? Was it average? 
> 
> Let me know, I read all comments and reply to as many as I can :)


	26. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry again for the late update, but I'll hopefully have another chapter tomorrow because I think I'm onto something.

* * *

**December 29th**

“How bad is it?”

“It's pretty bad, Stace.” Chloe opened the door further to let her in, after closing it she followed Stacie to the coat closet next to the bathroom. Today is the day that they go to Beca's hometown, though the invitation isn't exactly under the best circumstances, Chloe had been ecstatic that Beca had invited her.

They hadn't really talked about how the trip was going to go, Beca had just told her she needed to pack a few outfits because they were going to have to clean out the house, and make frequent trips to the dump.

Chloe wondered what her bedroom might look like, if there were any band posters on the wall or maybe a few of actor's she had a crush on, if she's ever owned anything pink, or if black is the only color she knows. Is it weird to feel excited about seeing your roommates childhood home?

“Beca? It's Stacie. Are you okay?”

“Go away!” She's not okay. For some reason, Beca thought it was the best idea to get completely smashed at four in the morning, and smoke three bowls.

”We've gotta open the door.” Stacie turned back to Chloe, who was cautiously standing behind her in case things were to get a little physical. “I need you to keep your eyes to the ground because she takes direct eye contact as a sign of aggression.” Chloe just hesitantly nodded and watched

Stacie put her hand on the door knob. “We're coming in.” She opened it, and low and behold there was Beca sitting on the floor with a few coats under her.

“No! No! This is my whole zone!” Chloe just grinned at how ridiculous Beca could be when she's had a few. “You stop judging me, 'cause I have only been drinking for two hours.” She held out two fingers as if they were all the confirmation they needed.

“Well, we gotta go so you can meet Gail.”

“I feel assumptions from you, I feel judgment from you. You don't know the situation, and you don't know what's in my heart!” Chloe had to use every force in her body to stifle the laugh that was trying to barge it's way out of her.

“Okay, whoa.” Stacie sighed heavily and looked back to Chloe. “I'm gonna need your help.”

“Okay.” She readily agrees knowing that Beca isn't coming out without a fight. They both reached forward and grabbed her wrists, Beca pulled and jerked until she fell back hard onto her butt.

“No, I don't wanna leave.” Beca scooted further back from the two of them, Stacie took a step towards her.

“Beca,” she warned in a stern voice. Chloe stared at Beca, she looked scared and vulnerable. She didn't like it. “I need your hands.” They tried again, but Beca deflected with her feet and held her fist out to both of them.

“One of you hussies is getting fisted!” Stacie looked determined to get her out of the closet and into the car, but Chloe tried a different approach.

“Hey, there.” She bent down to Beca's level and stared at her. “Hey, hey, look at me.” Beca shook her head 'no’ and stared into the back of the closet. “Beca,” Chloe scooted further in and sat directly across from her.

“If you come out…” she tried to think of what she could do that Beca would agree to, but she kept coming up with nothing. “I’ll make sure we stop for hot chocolate.”

“Really?” She looked at Chloe with a luminous smile that made her breath catch in her throat.

“Yup.” She held her hand out for her to take and smiled back. “With _extra_ marshmallows.” She winked at Beca, she took her hand and helped her out of the closet.

“What?” Stacie yelled, watching Beca grab hers and Chloe's bag. Chloe just smiled smugly and joined Beca outside.

 

* * *

 

 

As promised, they had stopped for hot chocolate, Beca had given herself a small white mustache from the whipped cream. She soon retired her chocolaty drink to take a nap, Chloe had aspirin and a bottled water for when she sobered up later. They were already two hours into the drive, Stacie traded Lilly to sit in the passengers, Chloe in the seat to the left of Beca across Lilly in the middle, and Cynthia Rose in the driver's.

Luke, Jesse, and Emily following behind, Beca told her she didn't want Emily to go earlier because she said something about ‘needing to stay a good role model’, but Chloe didn't understand what she meant by that. What had been so bad and so upsetting that _Stacie,_ who blabs about everything, doesn't even talk about it?

Chloe hadn't asked about Beca or her family, or this intense and unexplained fear of her hometown, but she could see that it had it reasons, definitely deeper than just not wanting to finally face her father's passing.

Chloe borrowed Stacie's iPod, she listened to countless and countless songs ranging from Madonna, Boyz II Men, and Rihanna. A song by Simple Minds came on, Chloe remembered specifically that it was the same song off the soundtrack of The Breakfast Club because Jesse wouldn't shut up about it so she skipped over it. Jesse was a nice guy, he was a good guy, but Chloe could not stand him. She'd honestly rather have nodes, or ‘vocal nodules’, than to be around him and that said a lot because Chloe _hated_ having nodes because she had to quit choir in order to recover.

It was a successful recovery, but it took too long and was too painful. Hanging out with Beca and Jesse was worse, it made her sick to her stomach like a kid who's had too much popcorn before getting on the teacups ride at the fair. She'd watch his efforts and try to suppress every frown and scowl, the only way the putrid green monster would subside was if Beca had straightforwardly made her uninterest known, which was more often than not the most epic friend zone ever.

Despite the disgusting sweetness and genuineness, Chloe would _still_ not have anything to do with his school boy charm and kindness, and she was glad Beca thought so too. Though there were times when Chloe would see the way Beca would laugh and smile, and she'd continue to think that maybe she was fronting and her distaste for his cheesy rom-com qualities wasn't real. That she was _actually_ fond of his cutesy antics.

Chloe looked over at Beca, who remained asleep, and admired the way her facial expressions relaxed. She decided she wouldn't trouble herself with thoughts of Jesse and would just listen to the music.

 

* * *

 

 

“I don't see why I have to be there Stacie!”

“You already agreed to it, we've already gotten this far, I don't care how much you don't want to, this is something you need to do! And I don't care if you hate me after this, but I can't just let you run from everything Beca!” Chloe had a hard time trying to tune out their argument outside while they were pumping gas, she tried to focus on Coolio and listen to the lyrics rather than an angry, and _very much sober,_ Beca yelling.

Beca had woken up a fifteen minutes before they stopped to pump gas, she had jerked awake with frantic eyes searching her surroundings for something familiar when they landed on Chloe's reassuring face. The panic receded for a moment, but quickly returned when they passed the sign saying that Yonkers was about forty-five minutes away.

She tried to open the car door while the car was in motion, Cynthia Rose and Stacie had to scold her like if she were a child refusing to behave, they even locked the windows. When they'd stopped for gas, Beca asked to borrow Stacie for a 'quick chat’, and now everyone seemed more on edge than before they left the car.

Beca slammed her door with a huff and Stacie did the same. Chloe didn't ask, she didn't ask mostly because she heard most of the fight already, but it seemed like an inappropriate time to talk at all. The hostility levels needed to be lower than they were to say anything without getting chewed out into oblivion. Pat Benatar's Hit Me With Your Best Shot came on and Chloe had smiled to herself, she thought of her blonde best friend from Newark.

She found comfort in the song, but it didn't subdue the guilt that made itself aware in her mind. It had been more than a month, going on two, that she has had any contact with anyone from Newark. She hadn't called, or wrote, or anything to give anyone any indication that she was safe and alive. She was sure that everyone was under the impression that something awful and horrible had happened to her.

She wondered if her dad has been grieving, or if Tom owned up to all his horrible actions, or if Aubrey had given up hope. She goes on to wonder what had been happening in her hometown since she'd been gone when the impending negative question that had been brewing and fighting it's way you to the surface finally called for Chloe's immediate attention. Had anyone _really_ been looking for her?

They were at least fifteen minutes away from Yonkers, the car was still eerily silent since the fight, and Chloe was unusually dull and low after wondering if anyone bothered to look for her after her wedding day. This small road trip seemed to open a lot of old wounds for everyone. She didn't miss the way everyone avoided each other's eyes, not wanting to look or stare because no one was sure if that was against the post-fight rules.

Lilly stayed concentrated on the crossword puzzle in her lap, spinning her lead pencil like a butterfly knife, Cynthia Rose kept her tense hands on the wheel, and Stacie had been vigorously filling her fingernails. She looked over to Beca, who had been staring out the window with a tired and saddened look on her face, she turned back to look out of her window before anyone, specifically Beca, could see her staring.

At the corner of her eye, she could swear she saw Beca look at her, then back to her side. The tension in the car only seemed to keep getting thicker with the silence, the silence was not sitting well with Chloe. Other than her humming, Stacie's nail file, and the click of the Lilly's pencil, those are the only sounds inside Beca's little car. Then a familiar song came on and Chloe couldn't resist the lyrics. “I hopped off a plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.”

“Welcome to the land of fame excess, am I gonna fit in?” Chloe looked at Cynthia Rose, who easily carried the tune.

“I jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time, look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign,” surprisingly Lilly jumped in as well, Chloe's smile growing by the second.

“This is all so crazy, everybody seems so famous, my tummys turnin’ and I'm feeling kinda homesick, too much pressure and I'm nervous,” they were all looking at Beca, Stacie was turned around in the passengers, and Cynthia Rose was staring through the rear view mirror, Chloe and Lilly were angled in their seats to look at Beca, who kept her eyes closed the entire time.

She had a small smirk playing on her lips, Chloe found herself feeling too hot for her skin, that smirk was sending Chloe's tame heart  into overtime. “That's when the taxi man turned on the radio, and the Jay-Z song was on,” Chloe had been singing directly to Beca now.

“Oh my God.” Beca laughed in a disbelieving manner.

“And the Jay-Z song was, and the Jay-Z song was on!” Chloe beamed at Beca, all over their eyes on Beca, grilling her until she smiled and caved in.

“So I put my hands up, they're playing my song, and the butterflies fly away. Noddin’ my head like, yeah, movin’ my hips like, yeah.” Beca's reluctance quickly turned into enthusiastic participation, she and Chloe made funny faces while singing the song, moving their shoulders, the entire car had erupted with the sounds of a Miley Cyrus song.

“I got my hands up, they're playin' my song, you know I'm gonna be okay. Yeah, it's a party in the USA. Yeah it's a party in the USA…” everyone stopped upon hearing Beca's voice falter, her face seemed ten shades paler than it usually was. She stared out of the windshield, Chloe turned her gaze forward to match Beca's, and then they were passing a sign that read 'Welcome to Westchester County!’. They'd finally arrived in Beca's hometown.

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone had met at a small coffee shop called Jones Beanery, where Beca would meet Gail and finalize everything. “You got this, Becaw!” Jesse put his arm around her and pulled her into an unwanted side hug.

“Dude, get off!” She squirmed away, and Chloe couldn't help the smug grin spreading across her face as she looked at Jesse's dejected frown. She noticed Beca's shaking hands and her fingers anxious tapping against the car, Stacie had rounded them all up on the sidewalk to go somewhere to get breakfast to leave Beca to her meeting.

Chloe found herself moving forward, and then she was wrapped around Beca, who, unlike with Jesse, wasn't fighting it. In fact, she had to tighten her hold when Beca's seemed stronger than hers. She let all things Beca wash over her, absorbing all of it, everything Beca overwhelming her senses. “I wish you could come.” Beca said in a small whisper Chloe could barely hear.

“I know, I do too.” She felt her sigh against the crook of her neck, leaving goosebumps everywhere, making her shudder slightly. She willed herself to pull away, she kept Beca's gaze, and she smiled.

“You're gonna be okay, Becs, I promise.” She could've done without her mouth writing checks that reality might not be able to cash out, but in her mind she knew and truly believed that Beca would be fine because she's Beca Mitchell. The girl is tough as nails and proves to be the strongest person she knows. She was sure of it.

“Okay,” Beca started, a smile rising on her face. “I'll see you later.”

“See you later.” Chloe hugged her once more, relishing in the warmth Beca was giving her in the cold morning air. The group had walked down the street and gone to a small diner, similar to one back home, called Barb's.

“So, Emma, how's the student life treating you?”

“Emily,” Chloe interjected before she could catch herself. She glared at Luke from the rim of her glass before setting it down. She was never particularly fond of Luke, not since Beca went against his orders and sang No Diggity.

 

_“I do not need an annoying little shit like you undermining me, is that clear?”_

 

“What was that, Red?” He had a smug, knowing grin in his face and she wanted to slap it off.

“Her name is Emily.” Chloe challenged him and his jerk behavior, defending Emily because she knows that she's too nice to do it for herself. “Not 'Emma’.”

“Student life is good,” Emily nervously laughed to get rid of the aggression and unvoiced threats that floated around them. Luke backed down from Chloe's glare first and turned to Emily and Stacie, who had been watching the slightly heated interaction between them.

“Good to hear.” He smiled and continued to cut his pancakes into triangles, looking up at Chloe and winking before taking a bite. She wanted to throw up. The chatter continued and she wished even more with every passing second that she stayed behind with Beca at the coffee house. She needed to know she was there, she wanted to know that Beca still existed somewhere else and that she didn't just vanish. She wanted Beca.

“Stacie Conrad, is that you?” a blonde haired waitress stopped in front of their table, her name tag said 'Jessica’, and she obviously knew who Stacie was.

“In the flesh,” Stacie smirked and took another drink of her lemon water. “How are you, Jessica?”

“I'm good, what about you? It's been what? Four years? You basically dropped off the Earth, you too good for us now, Conrad?” She laughed and Chloe watched them both curiously. It's a small town, the kind where everyone knows everyone, and this girl had noticed her absence for four years.

Stacie must've been somebody. Of course she was somebody with that smile, those legs, the sense of humor, all of it, Stacie definitely _had_ to be somebody.

“No, just had to get out of here before I lost my mind, you know it's always running.” Stacie grinned and started to pull her wallet out of her purse to have ready to leave. She started to pull her card out and she set it on the table, not all of them had been done with their food, but Stacie seemed like she might've just been done with this conversation.

“Yeah, does your mom know you're here?” Chloe glanced at her, seeing the confidence in her eyes disappear for a moment, but then back when she smiled big and wide.

“It's actually a little surprise, so if you could keep the mum that'd be great.” Jessica just nodded and pretended to zip her lips closed and throw away the key.

“Your secrets safe with me.”

“Thanks, babe.” She smiled, but something about the way her eyes seemed nervous after talking about her mom said a lot of things without her having to tell Chloe anything. Jessica was about to walk away when she turned around quickly.

“If you're here, does that mean Rebeca's here too?” Stacie almost seemed reluctant to answer, but she grinned politely and cleared her throat.

“Yes,” she looked like the question was the bane of her existence. “She is.”

“It's too bad about Mr. Mitchell, everyone's been talking about it. Ash and I went to go get Grotto from Mrs. Pattinson nextdoor, if you want him.” Chloe could feel Stacie next to her trying to keep her composure. Gossipy small towns were no fun for anyone who was born and raised in them.

“I'm sure she would like that.”

“Great! Well, Ash and I are around so don't be strangers.” She finally left and Stacie quickly motioned for the waiter to bring the check. Chloe had wondered if Stacie was somebody and Jessica remembered her, then Beca was somebody because she knew who she was too, she even took something from her neighbors when her dad died. She wanted to know who exactly Beca was, who Stacie was, and why this small town had such a hold on them.

* * *

 


	27. Beca

* * *

Beca hated being there. She hated that it's been four years, but she still feels as anxious and afraid as she did before she left, but worse because she _came back._ Not for a good reason either, there was bound to be talk while she cleaned up the house. She was sure of it. She waited in the coffee house, she wouldn't order anything, she wasn't planning on staying long, she just wanted to get it on over with so she could leave without being seen.

She hadn't been by in so long, the whole place had Bob Ross types of paintings with rivers and mountains, then out of nowhere there were oceans and ferries, it didn't have any actual theme, just random portraits probably bought from Mr. Schmuckerman’s weekend garage sales. It felt like high school all over again, with big sweaters that were _too big_ for her own good, and at the corner table where no one ever sat.

A mug of black coffee with two sugars was set in front of her. “Rebeca Mitchell,” she looked up and saw the reason behind the free drink. “So the legend lives and breathes.”

 _“'Legend’_ is a pretty big stretch, but thanks, Ashes.” She stared the taller brunette in the eyes, she always wore a warm smile, and only on occasions she'd frown every once in a while, but she was good people.

“How’ve you been?” She contemplated giving an honest answer, but she thought better of it because it's been four years and Ashley didn't need to know the feelings behind the stoic wall.

“Not too shabby, Jones, you?”

“Pretty alright for a girl my size.” Beca took a sip of her coffee, and they awkwardly stayed in silence for a moment. Ashley tucked her tray under her arms, the door opened and the bell chimed, she saw Gail walking up to the counter. “I'm real sorry about your dad…” she watched how careful Ashley was and how she turned her gaze the the ground between them.

“It's okay.” It was. It was fine, Beca didn't care, he was a horrible person and she was glad he was gone.

“Jess and I have Grotto if you wanna get him and take him home.” Beca found a brighter side to coming back, and that was getting her old dog.

“Yeah… that sounds great, I'll be by to get him, are you still on Warren Boulevard?”

“No, we moved to Sherman street, but if you want us to bring him by yours then we could do that too.” she offered her a smile and Beca gave her a small one in return.

“Thanks, Ashley.” she watched her walk away just as Gail walked up.

“Good morning.” _it was._

“Morning.” She said dully, taking another drink of her coffee, glad that Ashley had brought it to her, it gave her something to do other than moan and groan about having to meet with Gail.

“Have you been here long?”

“Not really, like twenty minutes or whatever.” Gail set up her folders and the paperwork, she put her glasses on and looked at Beca. Beca took her glasses out of her satchel and put them on, disliking the way that they screamed 'high school’ and took her back four years.

“Should we get started?”

 

* * *

 

 

“And your mother? Lori Mitchell? Will she be able to claim her half?” The inevitable question that was bound to be asked left a lump in Beca's throat and sent a jolt down to her knee, keeping it bouncing and in motion.

“I… I haven't seen her in seventeen years, so I wouldn't uh-I wouldn't know…”

“Oh… has she contacted you at all?” She remembered the sound of her voice and the sudden presence of urgency to speak to her after more than a decade.

“She did, but…” Gail waited patiently, but she soon understood the angst that this conversation had struck up.

“I understand.” Beca smiled and pushed up her glasses. “Now that we've got everything settled, I will see what I can do about Lori, but other than that, you're free to go!”

“Thank you, Gail.” Beca quickly packed all her belongings up and her paperwork. She sent a smile in Ashley's direction and she was off. She wanted to see Chloe, she needed to see the reassuring blue, she wanted Chloe.

She listened to the sound of her shoes hitting the sidewalk with a purpose in each step, it wasn't until she saw a mane of red hair leaning on her car that she felt elated to be walking down the painfully familiar street in her hometown. She hustled as a fast as she could without putting herself in danger by running in the middle of the street. She made it onto the sidewalk, Chloe's eyes found her and she felt like she was home.

“I told you you'd be fine.”

 

* * *

 

 

Beca wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to go back to that godforsaken house, she didn't want to. So she didn't, instead she'd driven around with the girls, not stopping for anything until she saw the body shop on the corner of Monroe. “Beca, where are you taking us?” She said nothing she just pulled up to the curb. The garage was open, she could see half a man under the a blue car, and another looking through mail facing the back.

“I'll be right back.” She got out of the car and walked around the man's feet and stood behind the man going through the envelopes. “Hi, I think I need an oil change?” He chuckled and started opening an envelope.

“I think you asked the wrong guy, I couldn't fix a Tonka truck if you asked me to.”

“Not even if I said 'Pretty please, with three Jacks and a Queen on top’?” He turned around quick and his eyes grew comically wide.

“Oh my God!” he picked her up into a hug and swung her around.

“Dude! Oh my God!” she tried to wiggle out the best she could, but him arms pinnined hers to her sides.

“You're here!”

“I am!”

“You're okay!”

“Well…” he put her down and he smiled at her, his light brown hair combed over to the side, and his dark brown eyes slightly glossy from tears. He dropped her arms to his sides, continuing to shine his bright and warm smile at her. “How are you, Benji?”

“I'm pretty good,” he wipe the tear managed to escape with his forefinger and shook his head in disbelief. “And you? How are you, you haven't been back in years-” he stopped talking and his smile fell, his brow furrowed and his eyes quickly darkened. “I heard about your dad… I'm really sorry.” she tucked the loose hair behind her ear and shifted uncomfortably.

She was tired of hearing that and she's only heard it from one other person. She turned her gaze down to the floor and she stared at a greasy bolt that rolled it's way over from underneath the car.

“It's okay.” She said lightly, refusing to show any sign of grief for someone she would never grieve.

“Do I not get a hug from the one and only magician in town?” the both of them quickly looked out of the garage and saw that girls got out of the car, Stacie was standing in the middle of the driveway.

They laughed and walked out together, Beca looked at Chloe, she could see the way her jaw was clenched, and her hands looked buried deep inside her pockets, probably balled up in fists. The sight made her wish she could walk over and fix it, to bring back her dazzling smile and take away the look of discomfort or possibly even unhappiness.

“Stacie, how's Westchester’s 'It Girl’?” she playfully shoved him before bringing him into a tight hug.

“You know I don't like that term, Benny.” Beca smiled at the small transaction between the two old friends. Stacie had always called him 'Benny’ because when they'd met in kindergarten she couldn't say his name without saying 'Benjay’ on accident, so she settled for 'Benny’ instead and it's been her special nickname for him ever since. Beca strolled over to rest of the girls and turned to Benji.

“So, _Benjamin,_ this is Lilly, Cynthia Rose, and Chloe,” she instinctively took her place beside Chloe and looked at all of them with a small smile. “Ladies, this is Benji Applebaum.” All of them shook his hand, she took note of how Chloe's smile seemed a little forced, her eyes looked sharper than usual, and their hands only went down in one firm shake before Chloe let go completely.

“Any friend of _Rebeca’s,”_ he smirked at her, knowing she hated being called that. “Is a friend of mine.” she took a minute to get a good look at him, remembering what he had looked like before she left. His round cheeks turned into a slightly more prominent jawline, his light brown curls were replaced with a thick comb over hairstyle, and the smooth skin on his face was covered in slight stubble. _Oh_   _shit,_ _Benji's_ _a man now._

 

* * *

 

 

They all walked to Fatty's Drive Up and waited for the boys and Emily to join them. “I was not an 'It Girl’!”

“You so were!”

“Sorry to break it to you, Sis, but you were and _are_ an 'It Girl’.” Beca said, barely invested in the conversation as she stared out of the window of the restaurant.

“Just because people like what they see does _not_ make me an 'It Girl’, Chloe, help!” Stacie whined and Chloe just laughed, Beca looked to her left watching Chloe's profile. Her whole side was pressed close into Beca even though there was plenty of room still in the booth, but Beca didn't mind it at all.

“I've had this same exact conversation with Beca, so don't worry I know what you mean.” Chloe looked at her and smiled, she remembered the night she'd found out Chloe was a cheerleader in high school. “What constitutes someone as an ‘It Girl’, Bec?

“By our logic,” she smirked back, looking around the table and meeting Chloe's eyes again. “An ‘It Girl’ is someone who always had everyone's attention, people know exactly who they are sometimes without even meeting them, and they bend over backwards for them, or they wish to be them.” She watched both of their cocky smiles fall and she knew that the argument was settled.

“That is an ‘It Girl’.” she watched Chloe's face light up with a hint of mischief, she braced herself for whatever sarcastic or teasing sentence was about to slip out of her mouth.

“Well then that makes you an ‘It Girl’ too, Becs, because I heard your name a million times from different people since we've got here.” Beca sighed knowing that Chloe didn't know the real answer for why people had known who she was. Beca Mitchell was never an 'It Girl’. “Except it's a little different, I've never heard anyone refer to you as 'Rebeca’ before.”

“I hate that name.” Beca threw her head back and groaned. “And I am not an 'It Girl’.”

“Sure you aren't, Rebeca.” Chloe nudged her, Beca tried not to let her anxiety show, it was chewing at her, festering up inside her. She hated this town.

“I'm not.” She opened her eyes and looked at Benji. “Tell em’, Benji, help me out here, dude.” she looked over to her magician friend, who had been watching Lilly shuffle cards like a dealer at a fancy casino.

“Yeah… B's definitely not an 'It Girl’, she's a total weirdo.” she kicked him underneath the table and he yelped. “Just like me,” he slowly emphasized. “We were, like, the lowly two misfits that Stacie was friends with-” he turned his stare to Stacie and looked at her incredulously. “Why were you friends with us again?” He joked and earned another kick in the shin from Stacie.

“Because! I liked your card tricks and Beca's badass.” Benji pulled up his shin to massage the sore spot.

“I'm badass too.” He murmured.

“No, sweetie, you're the cute one.” she said sweetly earning a goofy grin from him.

 _“‘Badass’,_ huh?” Chloe began. “I didn't know Beca was badass.” Beca mocked offense and nudged her with her shoulder.

“Shut up, yes you did.” she replied haughtily.

“She was the baddest badass, she sold me pot, but it was really oregano, to keep me from getting my ass handed to me every day.”

 _“And_ she never wore her required uniform for the debate team and almost got kicked out for it.”

 _“And_ she was always allowed in Low Places, that's one of the only bars here in Westchester, way on the outskirts, without needing an ID.” Chloe looked at Stacie, then to Benji, with a big and surprised smile.

“Really?” she looked at Beca, who had herself focused on the parking lot outside the window. “She did all that?”

“Yep,” Benji said. “She was the misunderstood rebel.” He chuckled and Beca looked back at him. “Still is.” he gave her a genuine smile and his eyes were soft and kind.

“Oh, God, 'Be still my heart.’.” she smirked and rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the way her stomach kept knotting.

“Theatre nerd too?” Beca looked at Chloe, her intense blue eyes swept her under like waves and she was drowning in them.

“Gross, no, that's lame.” She got a kick in the shin from Benji this time and a small frown. “Sorry, Benji, but drama club was not my jam.” she looked back out of the window. She didn't like remembering where she was, she liked to think that she was just at Laguna Burger with an old friend and the rest of her group, _not_ in Westchester.

“Benji's into that stuff?”

“Oh, yeah, _very_ theatrical.” Stacie chimed in.

“Guilty as charged, I am.” She felt Chloe scoot closer, her warmth spilling onto Beca in the unreasonably cold room. “Ask B, I even serenaded her once before homecoming.”

“Did he?” Beca could feel the rest of the group staring, more specifically Chloe. She didn't like feeling everyone waiting on her answer, it was like the whole world was waiting instead of just the four people at her table.

“Yeah, he did.”

“Did it work out?” She looked at Chloe, her expectant eyes lured Beca back into the moment.

“Not in the slightest.” Benji stated in between a laugh. “I snuck into her backyard, and tried to sing one of her favorite songs to her, and she came out, and literally shoved me out of her yard, and told me to shut up and go home.” Everyone laughed and Beca forced a smile to keep out anyone's worry. “I figured she didn't want to me to wake up her dad, it would've been really bad.” They kept laughing, but Beca only remembered what she was actually there for.

All her muscles tensed, she fought to keep composure, her heart was going to punch a hole through her chest it was beating so fast. Her hands began to tremble, she brought them down underneath the table before anyone else could notice. She clawed at her knee, being in Westchester, talking about her old life, it all called back the way she used to need release, and she was needing to feel it now in this moment.

This was all overwhelming her senses, she wanted to excuse herself to the bathroom, but she couldn't find her voice. She felt at hand slide down her thigh to her knee, it captured her hand and stilled it's movements. Only then did Beca register the fact that her fingernails had nearly made it to her actual skin seeing that there was a hole in her pants now.

The hand gave hers a squeeze and Beca looked to Chloe, knowing that of course it would be her hand. Chloe gave her a reassuring smile before tuning back into the group's conversation. Beca leaned more into Chloe, squeezing her hand hard, but holding back enough not to hurt her. Chloe quickly leaned her mouth over to her ear, she could feel her warm breath as it tickled the skin.

“Breathe.” Beca took her advice and tried as hard as she could, then a few tries later, her heart slowed and her grasp on Chloe's hand weakened, feeling sore and tired. She kept her hand in Chloe's and she scooted closer, seeing Chloe's smile get bigger from the side. She found it amazing that Chloe could do that, she could just tell someone to do something and it would be done.

All she told Beca was to breathe, she could've burst into flames thinking that she didn't have control over bodily functions, but then she heard her redheaded friend's reminder that she was still capable and it was done. Chloe might've denied being an 'It Girl’, but Beca wouldn't mind it in this life.

* * *

 


	28. Chloe

* * *

If the word 'anxious’ were a person, Chloe was sure that it would be Beca. She tapped her fingers along the car door, and she was sure that she was going to chew a hole through her lip she'd been gnawing at it for so long. She got to experience first hand how uneasy Beca had gotten talking about high school with her friend Benji.

They hadn't even gone into detail, all they had really discussed was how she was 'badass’, but it seemed to Chloe that Beca wanted no part of whoever she was when she was younger. What had been the big deal? She admired everything about the young musician, from the way she laughs to the cocky smirk she wears when she's being obnoxiously cute.

From the sounds of it, it seemed like she was a very charismatic person when she was young, still is, after hearing about how she defended Benji and let her debate team take the trophy home instead of mounting on her own shelf in her home. Why had Beca never mentioned any of it? She was so painfully modest it irritated Chloe that she wouldn't take credit for the good things she does, she truly is a wonderful person, she just needed to see it too.

“We're here.” Stacie brought the car to a stop, Chloe looked out to see an old, two-story Victorian house. It was beautiful, most of the houses on the street looked more modernized except this one.

The house had character, it looked gorgeous covered in snow, even with it's chain link fence leaning and barely holding together, and the overflowing barrel beneath the spigot of the gutter on the far end of the yard. The path was completely covered in snow, but Jesse, like the annoyingly kind gentleman he is, had volunteered himself to shovel it to make the way clear for the group.

“I like how he left it like this instead of making every new and matte, you know?” Chloe said, being the only one to break the uncomfortable silence, tugging on Beca's bare hand with her glove covered one. Beca chuckled once, unconvincingly, and continued staring blankly at the building as if it weren't there at all.

“He didn't leave it like this for posterity, that's for damn sure.” She muttered under her breath, beginning to move to the entrance of the fence. Chloe nonchalantly left her hand with Beca's, carefully intertwining their fingers. Surprisingly enough, Beca didn't move her hand to keep her at a distance, she gripped her hand back. Not looking at the brunette, she smiled in satisfaction that there was no objection to the small gesture.

They walked into the yard, treading carefully on the slippery ground, making their way to the porch, Chloe stared at Beca's profile, admiring the way everything on her complimented everything else. She stared for too long, but she didn't care, she could see Beca peek at her from the corner of her eye, she stared at her reddened nose, and her lips, and then Beca moved their hands into her pocket, and shivered.

Chloe snapped and figured that she might want to go inside where she could warm up, she tried to walk up the four steps, but Beca didn't move. She looked at her questioningly, with concern riddled on her face, and Beca sighed, but her hand never left Chloe's.

“Sorry, I just… I-I need a minute.” Her pleading eyes were filled with pain Chloe couldn't blame her for. She couldn't look at her discomfort and force her into something she's not ready for.

“That's okay.” Beca's eyes softened and she smiled appreciatively, Chloe felt a flutter in her stomach, she realized that Beca would still need that minute and that it probably didn't include her presence. She let go and she went up one step, staring at a confused Beca. “Let me know if-”

“Stay.” She could barely hear her say anything, she wasn't sure she heard right, Beca looked at her, and grabbed her hand again. “Stay?” She felt a strong and vibrant warmth settle inside of her. A type of warmth that only Beca could provide, the kind she looked forward to when Beca would get home from work, or when they would join the group for their nightly gig. The kind she longed for and searched for in every stranger, she'd set such unreasonable expectations as a lovesick teenager.

She wished for the most cliché version of a connection, she thought she was just a naive girl and that it didn't come as easy, but Beca did. She was so easy to be around, she didn't have to pretend to be a different version of herself, she felt like she could be the person no one else wanted her for. Chloe smiled and nodded rapidly, not caring if it was below freezing outside, she would stay with Beca if that was what Beca wanted.

“Okay.” It always came down to that choice, to stay with Beca. She thinks about all the times she's had to make a choice, and her choice is always something to do with Beca. Always Beca. Beca, Beca, Beca. Chloe thought about this for a second longer before deciding that it was just the natural order of things now. They sat on the steps, their hands were melded together, and they looked out onto the snow in the front yard.

 

* * *

 

 

“We should go in.” Chloe looked down at her with a slightly dazed expression, she didn't hear her right the first time, her head was a little foggy. She'd just spent that last thirty minutes sitting on the steps with Beca, holding her hand, with her head on her shoulder. She couldn't think of a better place to be, but then she remembered that they were sitting outside of her childhood home that she still needed to face.

“Are you sure?” Chloe murmured, wanting Beca to be okay enough to go in.

“I'll be fine.” They stood, their hands never parted as they walked up to the door. She gave Beca's hand a squeeze for reassurance as she pushed open the door. The entire group had been sitting in the dining room at the table next to three big trash bags and the recycling bin on the other side of the room filled with beer cans and bottles.

No one said anything, no one moved until Beca took her hand from Chloe's to stand in front of the door of the basement. Automatically, Chloe and Stacie stood at her flanks. Stacie was the first to reach out, she put a hand on Beca's shoulder, but she brushed it away.

“You don't have to do this now, Beca, it's okay.” Chloe was lost on what to say, she doesn't exactly have a supportive place in this situation except being the hand that Beca holds and the shoulder that she leans on. Not that Chloe minds that.

“I’m fine, you guys…” Beca trailed off, her brow furrowed in deep thought, the two girls step back and move to plateau separating the dining room from the kitchen. She watched Beca hesitantly open the door and take the first step inside, seeing the light come on as her figure descended further down the stairs.

She and Stacie stood in silence, not wanting to interrupt Beca, they didn't look through the door, and they didn't call out her name. It was something that Beca just needed to do. Of course they would both be there for her in this fragile time, but they couldn't get the closure for her.

It'd been fifteen minutes already, the room was silent, the entire house was very still and unsettling in the quiet, Chloe would even suspect that the whole town had stopped for this moment that is happening right now. She wonders what takes Beca so long, but she can imagine the thoughts running through her head as she goes through this alone. Chloe looked over to Stacie and leaned to whisper.

“I think I should go, she's been down there for a while.” Stacie just nodded in agreement and Chloe hovered right in front of the doorway and saw Beca standing at the last few steps. She took each step carefully, contemplating on just turning around and waiting her out or keep going down the stairs.

She knows that no matter the type of person anybody is, strong and tough or incredibly sensitive, it was okay to break down. She also knows that she's there to catch her and pick up every broken piece if that's the case for Beca because she unknowingly did the same when she let Chloe stay with her, when she _wanted_ her to stay.

She crept down, Beca did nothing to show that she knew Chloe was there. She got to the step just above the step Beca was on and she slipped her arms around Beca, who stiffened immediately upon contact and took a side glance at the cautious redhead behind her. She felt Beca ease into her, her hands fell over Chloe's and she kept her stare fixed on the floor in front of them, neither woman breaking the silence until Beca spoke.

“That spot was never there, you know.” Beca said absentmindedly, Chloe only hummed in response, unsure of what she could be talking about. “That brown spot, it was never there before.” Chloe craned her neck to look over Beca's shoulder, she saw the large round spot, and only then did she notice the dank smell of ammonia. She knew exactly what made that spot.

She saw that Beca's eyes were still dry and trained on the floor, her voice was steady and calm as if she were making a simple note of something so mundane like not having noticed something on someone's bookshelf in lieu of the obvious blood stain where her father laid to die. “It all just ends with a simple thing doesn't it?” Uncertain of what exactly this conversation entailed, Chloe listened anyway.

“He tripped and fell, that's all it took, just the misplacement of his foot.” Chloe couldn't understand the dull sound of her voice like if she'd never felt anything at all. She didn't cry, or yell, or run, or even frown while she stared at the stain at the foot of the steps. Her face was empty and neutral. Chloe felt like it would only break her further to linger in such a sad and depressing spot in the house, staring at the symbol of her father's demise.

“Come on.” Chloe grabbed her by the hand and led her back up the steps. She didn't know what to do, even though comfort is her forte, Beca is a different story because Beca is more than just tight hugs and cuddles. She's conversations at three in the morning, she's long winded speeches of how it's okay not to be okay, and Chloe is ready to be the crutch for her metaphorical injury.

She isn't exactly sure what _could_ be said and what is overstepping, so instead of opening old wounds on her first day back in her hometown, Chloe just locked the door of the basement and kept the key in the pocket of her jeans. They didn't have to get into that just yet.

 

* * *

 

 

All of them had thrown the trash bags onto the bed of Stacie's truck, and washed every single plate, cup, and silverware on the first level of the house. When running back inside of the house, Jesse threw his hands in the air and stood in the middle of the kitchen. “Last one to Beca's room is a rotten storm trooper!” He started toward the small foyer, but then Beca caught him by the collar of his shirt and brought him in close.

“Don't.” He looked petrified, he could barely even nod, and then Beca calmly retracted her hand and kept moving into the kitchen, not bothering to give a second glance. Chloe could swear she'd never seen anything so scary, but insanely attractive in her life. Luke opened the fridge and he grabbed a beer, but Beca snatched it from him and tossed it into the garbage bin they brought in from outside.

“What the hell, Becky?” He exclaimed, furious with Beca's decision to waste perfectly good alcohol.

“All of this is tainted.” her voice was serious and curt as if the answer was painfully obvious. She wheeled the massive bin in front of the fridge and she swept all of the alcohol inside into the trash. She didn't know what was better, Luke's absolutely crushed face or the terrified face Jesse had just moments ago.

Chloe didn't have time to think of it and weigh her options when she heard the front door open, and the sound of clacking coming towards the kitchen. “Oh shit!” suddenly a flash of black bounded into the kitchen and leapt onto Beca, sending her to the ground.

“Beca!” Chloe ran over quickly, not entirely ready to fight off whatever beast had attacked her, but willing enough to try. “Beca, are you-” she got around the counter and saw a rather large, black German Shepherd licking her face while she scratched behind his ears. Chloe could only laugh, it was adorable, she had no idea Beca could be _this_ soft after being dubbed 'the baddest badass’ by Benji.

“Hey, boy, I missed you too.” She said in a baby talk voice. She hadn't expected her tone to change so fast from cold and moody to totally dorky and adorable. She sat up, criss cross, petting her companion and she looked at Chloe. “Chlo, this is my puppy Grotto.”

“Puppy?” Chloe replied incredulously, not believing in anyway that that enormous dog was a puppy.

“Okay, he's an adult, but he's still my baby, yes he is! Yes he is!” She turned her attention back to Grotto using the baby voice again. Chloe giggled at the way her dog wouldn't leave her be. He was probably scared she'd leave for years again. Chloe always thought dogs were the best creatures to walk the earth, dolphins don't count because they swim.

The fact that Beca had been gone for a really long time without coming back and Grotto was still quick to show her unconditional love was quite amazing. She wonders what it might be like for someone to greet you with the same enthusiasm even when you've done something wrong, but she quickly remembers that she knows exactly what that is like. She shakes her head and stalks over to Beca and her dog, taking a seat on the floor next to them to get herself acquainted with Grotto.

* * *

 


	29. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so we're gonna start explaining some of Beca and Stacie's past soon, just a heads up, enjoy!

* * *

  **December 30th**

**“That’s not an opinion for you to have, Chloe.”**

**“Why, because it's not yours?”**

……

Chloe opened her eyes and sat up. She immediately felt the ache in her neck and then she noticed that she'd been hunched over at the table. There was a note in front of her, she picked it up and read it out loud. “'Went out, be back soon.’.” she yawned out the last word and stood from the table, she walked around and almost tripped. She looked down and saw Beca curled up with Grotto with a throw pillow tucked under her head.

She smiled and bent down to wake her, but Grotto nudged her hand away with his nose. She tried again, but Grotto wouldn't let her, so she ran her hand over his fur and scratched his belly. “Yeah, I think she needs sleep too.” She stood and grabbed her coat to drape it over Beca and she saw the leash hanging next to it. She grabbed it and left Beca a note next to her.

“Come on, boy, let's go!” She said in hushed whispers. He leaned over Beca and the he slowly walked after Chloe, constantly looking back at his owner.

 

* * *

 

 

“You know, you could like totally tell me Beca's embarrassing stuff right now…” she sat on a bus stop bench and continued to run her fingers through his jet black fur. “I won't tell her you told me…” he groaned and rested his head on her knee. She stared at the dog for a long time before coming to terms with the fact that he won't betray his friend, and that even if he wanted to he's a dog. “I guess not.” She sighed and got up. They walked back to the Mitchell house at the other end of the street.

When they approached the gate, she saw Beca sitting at the front steps with a mug in her hands, she could see the steam rising up. _I could get used to this._ It was all so domestic and cozy, it felt like home, like how a home should be. Chloe couldn't get enough of it. She fought to keep Grotto on his leash to keep him from spilling Beca's tea, when they finally reached her she had set her mug aside and welcomed the both of them with open arms.

“'Gone with the wind’ huh?” She held the note that Chloe left her. The I’s were dotted with hearts and there was a smiley face next to her name.

“I was gonna use some Romeo and Juliet quotes, but that seemed a little too dramatic for 'Went to walk the dog.’ so…” they laughed and Chloe took a seat next to Beca. “I was surprised to see you on the floor and not in your room when I woke up.”

“Didn't wanna be in there…” Chloe didn't pry any further, Beca would tell her whatever it is she's thinking on her own time. There was no need to rush, she would wait years if she had to. Beca reached around her to get her mug, and Chloe couldn't help but notice the deep red crescents on the heels of her palms.

“Beca…” She couldn't stop herself, she took her hands and traced over the small dents. She said nothing, she just looked, she wanted to kiss her small wounds, but she pulled her hands away before Chloe could move to do anything. She looked up at Beca, and she patted her hands before sending an understanding smile her way. She folded her arms over her midsection and shivered. “What are you doing out here anyway? It's freezing.”

“I'm waiting.”

“For what?” Just as Chloe asked, there was a loud crash against the gate and Chloe turned her head fast. There was a brown haired boy scrambling to his feet from under his bike. He had a side bag full of newspapers and a green beanie.

“Hey, Mikey, long time no see.” Chloe was surprised to know that Beca had been expecting this boy to come. Chloe stood with her, she got a better look at him. He had short, brown hair, and brown eyes, he was young, he couldn’t be older than Emily.

“Yeah, I know! You ditched me for school, you jerk!”

“Oh, because trying to make a future is so evil of me, I know!” The two started laughing and Chloe only hovered awkwardly outside their conversation. “You a jock now, Mikey?” she said referring to his blue and yellow letterman jacket, shoving his arm and raising her other hand to shove his head, making his beanie twist to the side.

“Yes… no not a chance, this is from marching band.” he readjusted his beanie as they laughed and then Chloe cleared her throat, making Beca realize that she was still there.

“Chloe, this is Mikey-”

 _“Michael.”_ Beca rolled her eyes and refocused on Chloe.

“I used to babysit him when he was nine.” Chloe held out her hand for him to shake, but surprisingly he didn't shake it, he gave her a high five instead.

“Does this mean you'll be at Low Places tonight?” Beca smirked at him and took a challenging stance, playfully narrowing her eyes.

“What do _you_ know about Low Places?”

 

* * *

 

 

“You're sure they'll let Grotto in?” Chloe stared at the dog with an arched eyebrow as she adjusted his collar.

“Yeah, he'll be fine.” Beca wore a wooly grey sweater and her brown leather jacket, she looked up at Chloe and cold felt the cold air almost passing through her for a split second looking into her denim eyes. She smiled down at Beca, her breath got lost somewhere on it's way out as soon as Beca smiled back. “Alright, weirdo, let's go, they're waiting for us.” they walked into the bar, there were neon signs everywhere, and a big mahogany bar, where all their friends stood.

The whole place had nothing but truckers and a bikers, it was very obvious that their group was from out of town. There was a gruff man standing in front of Jesse and the boys, in their faces, it looked like they'd been getting grilled pretty hard until Beca stepped in with Grotto and Chloe by her side. “Frances?”

“Do I owe you money?”

“From several occasions, actually.” Chloe watched her talk to the huge man with ease, worried about whether approaching him was such a good idea having a current history of clumsiness. He turned around and his thick eyebrows knitted together and he bent down to look at Beca, Chloe quickly reached for her hand, ready to have her back if the situation needed it.

“Cooke, is that you?” Beca seemed to have so many names here in this town, Rebeca, Beca, Mitchell, Mitch, and now Cooke. She looked at Beca, who could only nod with the same small smile she chased after pinned to her face. “Wow, I ain't seen you since you was…” he moved his hand to signify how big she was the last time he saw her, but then he laughed again.

“Well, you still is as big as the last time I seen you.” he patted her on the back and walked around to the bar, Chloe's and Beca's eyes followed him. Chloe looked down to find that Grotto had wandered off into the bar, but if Beca seemed to treat it like it must've been a normal thing. “These your chums, Cooke?”

“Yeah, there's Emily, CR, Lilly…” she pointed to introduce her, but she had already ventured out into the crowd. “Anyway… Luke and Jesse, and then Benji, he's a townie, but was just too chicken shit to ever come with me back in the day.”

“Hey!” Beca just smirked and she looked at Chloe, it was like someone reached into her chest and squeezed her heart like in the movies.

“And this one is my favorite.”

“Hey!” The entire group shouted in offense that time, but Chloe didn't care, as long as Beca kept looking at her the way she was just looking at her now, it was all she needed. But unfortunately, she wasn't the center of the universe and the world didn't revolve around her enough to keep Beca's gaze.

“This is Chloe Beale.” she shook his massive hand. His skin was rough and his hands were callused, and about double the size of Chloe's hands.

“Lookin’ to change your last name to 'Robicheaux’?” She giggled and Frances’ flirtatious grin remained on his face, which only made her laugh a little more sincerely.

“Frances.” They both looked at Beca, but judging from the way the grip on her hand tightened, and the glare sent in his direction, it seemed as if Beca was threatening him without actually having to threaten him. Frances just made an 'I see.’ expression and moved around behind the bar.

“What was that?” Chloe asked Beca in a hushed whisper.

“Nothin’.”

“Beca Mitchell.” The use of her last name got her attention, but then it was quickly taken away when a tray of drinks was sat in front of then, and a bowl of water. Beca whistled loud and patted her thighs.

“Grotto, boy!” He came running up in no time, and sloppily drank the water out of the bowl on the floor before jumping up to give Beca a slobbery kiss. “Good boy, now go play!” She sent him on his way back to wherever and slammed her own drink. “Hey, Frances! Hit me with a double!”

“Yeah, me too!” Chloe and Beca looked down the bar at Jesse, who was smiling back. Beca rolled her eyes and muttered something along of the lines of 'such a lightweight.’, and she wouldn't be wrong. Chloe had been with the group long enough to know who could handle what, and Jesse seemed to be the first to lose himself, it was always too easy. As soon as Frances slid her drink over, it was almost as gone as fast as she had it.

Chloe watched Beca drink with abandon, it worried her at first, but there was obvious stress, so instead of staying in the stress, Chloe decided to live for the night and she joined Beca, taking the shot from her hand and drinking it. Chloe appreciated the surprised, yet challenging look on Beca's face. She knew that a competition of sorts had just begun, but really it wasn't about the competition at all, but more about the thrill that Beca invoked in the redhead.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on, do it!”

“Yeah, Becky, show us what you got!” Chloe's mind was fuzzy and her hearing was muffled, she looked around and all of them seemed to be egging Beca on, trying to give a little shove for her to come out of herself for a moment.

“You already see what I got every day, you guys.”

“We wanna see old Beca!” She groaned and Chloe wanted to tell them to leave her alone, but given the opportunity to see Beca do what she was about to do, she wouldn't.

“Cooke! Cooke! Cooke! Cooke!...” They had gotten the whole bar to start chanting and Chloe watched curiously as Beca got up and walked over to a man, who's name she was pretty sure was 'Rig’, and got him to get his guitar out, the rest of the small gang doing the same with their instruments.

The chanting turned into cheering quickly as Beca and the few of the men got up on the small stage. The first noise to come from the group was a loud, small drum intro and then a soulful guitar riff. Beca looked so beautiful standing there, her brown locks bouncing with each step, and the way she closed her eyes and put her hands up in the air to feel the music.

“I'm already in love. This can't happen to me, this body is already taken, so just leave it be. Take those bedroom eyes and look the other way, I'm not listening to all the funny little things you say.” It never failed that one of Beca's performances left Chloe breathless, no matter how many times she'd watched her at O’Neill's, it was like hearing her voice a million times again, but somehow it always got a million times better than the first. It was extraordinary, her talent never ceases to amaze.

“I'm already in love. This doesn't happen to me. You can't just swagger on up and turn my head, oh so suddenly. I got my own situation going on, don’t need another situation coming on strong. I'm already in love, I'm already in love, I'm already in love.” Beca had sang in the direction of the guitarist to her left and then to the man with the tambourine on her right. She bent over and belted out notes like nothing and threw her hands in the air like she actually didn't care, and Chloe was convinced.

Confidence looked good on her. She walked off the stage with the microphone and she made a trip around the bar, one stop to pet Grotto, another to shove Luke, a third to wink at Benji and Emily seeing that they were offly close, then to Chloe's area, leaving her dazed and totally mesmerized. It had nothing to do with the alcohol, because the candy bar in her stomach seemed to sober her up, but because Beca's voice was so alluring and captivating.

“These promising lips, see these innocent eyes? They belong to someone else, they looking for any big surprise, do I seem like I'm searching for something new? No, no I'm not, I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna stop talking to you.” Beca had the microphone in front of Chloe, without giving a second thought she started to sing.

“I'm already in love, I'm already in love, I'm already in love.” everyone cheered louder, Beca smiled wide and even winked at her before continuing the song.

“I'm already in love, I'm already in love, I'm already in love.” Jesse held his hand out and she let him twirl her, making Chloe want to upchuck everything she ate. Beca was ending the song, when everything seemed to slow down while she was watching her. Jesse had spun her once more, but then she felt her blood get cold and her muscles tense. She watched Jesse pull Beca in for a kiss, Chloe thought it would be the end of the world, but he missed and she thanked the universe for doing one good thing for her at the moment.

He got the corner of her mouth, but then her fist quickly met the corner of his. She marched back up the stage like nothing had happened, Chloe found herself moving towards him, but she stopped seeing that Stacie beat her to it. She watched Stacie raise her fist and it connected with Jesse's face, and she watched her hips sway back to her side of the bar in confidence.

Chloe started to move again, she could hear the growl coming from deep within her rage, but then she was stopped by Frances this time. He'd picked Jesse up by his collar and brought him in close. Jesse was basically pissing himself at that point, then when it couldn't get more intense Frances was joined by Rig and some of his other bar friends, and alongside Rig, there Chloe stood, glaring at him with everything she had. Stacie came up behind Chloe before things got out of hand and tried to coax her out of her vengeance trek when the bell dinged and everyone turned back to the entrance.

“Is there a problem here?” there was dead silence across the bar, no one moved as they watched this man in uniform address them and come closer to them.

“Of course not, daddy.” Chloe and all of their friends looked at Stacie, who stood in front of the sheriff. “Why would there be?”

 

* * *

 

 

“So Stacie's old man is the sheriff?”

“Yep.”

“But I don't-”

“She's never followed rules, not even his.” Chloe had her hand holding Beca's, putting ice on her knuckles. She wanted to beat Jesse to a bloody pulp for trying to put moves on Beca, _no one_ is allowed to put moves on Beca. She shook her head and watched Jesse sit at the far corner of the bar with his own ice pack. She wanted to show him that 'his girl’ really _wasn't_ his girl, and that if he tried that again he'd find out why they say redheads are crazy. “I can't believe he did that.”

“I can't believe you punched him.”

“I can't believe you _would.”_ she shyly smiled at Beca and took a drink of her water. “I saw you march up there, it almost looked like you were gonna beat em’ into oblivion.” Chloe just laughed, but Beca's stare didn't waver.

“Only _a little_ bit.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter was Already in Love: by Elizabeth Gillies from Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll in case you guys wanted to listen to that :)


	30. Stacie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !WARNING!: There is a _brief and minor_ mention of sexual assault!
> 
> Mild angst in this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

**December 31st**

“If it wasn't for you and your little stunt, Lindsey wouldn't know I'm here!”

“I'm sorry!” the whole group elected Jesse to tell Stacie that her father, Sheriff Conrad, had come by earlier that morning to tell her that they were expecting her for dinner. It wasn't going so well.

“You're sorry? That's _all_ you have to say for yourself?” Stacie angrily put the rest of the dishes into the packaging peanut filled boxes. “Who do you think you are? Causing trouble here when you _know_ we wanted to be in and out without being seen!” She closed the box with tape and wrote 'kitchen’ on the newly packed box.

“I didn't know she'd react like that!”

 _“Everyone_ would react like that!” she lifted the box off the counter to move with the other boxes on the dining room table. “Tell Beca I need her for a second.” she closed her eyes and she let her lungs figure out what they were doing. Had he not tried to kiss someone who _very obviously_ was not interested, Lindsey and Vincent Conrad would not know she was home. This was a disaster.

“You gonna kiss me again? Or can I just keep doing what I'm doing?”

“Beca, I said I was sorry.”

“Yeah, well, a lot of people say that, so…” Beca walked in and looked into Stacie's fear ridden face. She didn't want to go to her mother's house, she didn't want to talk to either of them, she just wanted to pack up the Mitchell house, when did this small trip even become about _her?_ “You said you needed me?”

“I don't want to go, Beca.” She felt herself tearing at the seams, as she sank into a chair at the table.

“You have to go, I'm sorry, dude.” Beca made soft circles on her back and Stacie groaned into the wood of the table. How was she supposed to be okay, when all of her support needed _her_ support?

“Can you come with me?” Stacie looked into Beca's eyes, pleading with her. “I know it's so selfish, but I can't be in the same room as that woman, you know that.” Beca sighed exhaustively, but she still stood in front of Stacie, giving her hope that she might say yes. “Please?”

“Have you asked Em? Or CR?” She hadn't asked anyone else, no one could handle her at her worst, especially when it came to family matters. Beca was the only exception, she was the only person to help her get through this.

“Em's going on a date-”

“What? With who?” Beca's voice rose an octave higher than she meant it, so she cleared her throat and she crossed her arms. “With who?” She said in a calmer tone.

“Benji.” Stacie smiled at her, seeing that all her concern completely vanished.

“Oh, she should be fine then.” Beca laughed, but Stacie anticipated her answer. She needed it to be a yes. “And CR?”

“We need them to stay and pack up, they're working on the shed now, and if we want to leave by the fifth then we need to hurry.” She nervously watched Beca pace and consider her options. She hadn't prayed since she was young, but she was praying for a miracle now.

“No one goes upstairs.” Beca turned on her heels, and walked out of the kitchen. She said nothing else. Stacie let herself decompress and rested her head on the table.

 

* * *

 

 

……

_“Mr. And Mrs. Conrad, your daughter has filed a report and is making very serious allegations against our son.” the salt and pepper haired man pushed his glasses up his nose and let it rest against his maplewood desk._

_“They're not allegations if they're true!”_

_“Quiet, Stacie.” Her mother silenced her with a menacing stare. “You were saying, Mr. Harding?” Everyone turned their attention back to the man behind the desk, who was joined with his wife, Julia Harding._

_“Wayne, please.” Stacie watched her mother proceed with grace and patience, but grace and patience was not what she wanted to see. She wanted her parents to go in, guns blazing, she wanted them to care. To care about her, to fight for her. There was no fight, they were negotiating instead. Too many times, had Lindsey brought work home with her, but now she was listening to her attackers father plead his case like a client instead of letting the sheriff arrest his son. “You see, these types of allegations could ruin Nathaniel. It'll mark him off the list of every ivy league school, he just now was accepted into Notre Dame.”_

_“Oh, how wonderful, congratulations.”_

_“Thank you, Lindsey.” His wife put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with worried eyes. “And we don't want a case like this affecting his chances, and think of Stacie.”_

_“What about me?” she sneered in a bitter and aggravated manner._

_“Stacie! Don't be so rude!” Lindsey scolded._

_“No, please, this is what I mean. She's already so upset with everything, we haven't even been given a court date or gone to trial, and she is already showing signs of turmoil.”_

_“That's because your son tried to rape me!” Stacie shouted across the desk. “He tried to rape me!” She crumpled into herself and her father was there, but he hadn't said anything to stop any of it. Why wasn't he doing anything?_

_“I wouldn't want her to continue on this upsetting event, so I have an offer you might be more than willing to take.”_

……

 

“Are you ready to go Stace?” Beca called from outside the bathroom door. She finished putting in her earings and walked out to the living room.

“Yeah, let's go.” She looked at Beca's fingernails and she saw the horribly chipped, dark, blue nail polish and she sighed heavily. “But not like that, come here.” She lead Beca to the table and pulled out the maroon nail polish and polish remover from her bag. “Hey, Chloe, can you put it on this hand after I take off this one?”

“Totes.” she walked over and she smiled at both of them, but her smile fell, and she looked in awe of Beca. “Wow…” they could barely hear her, but she gawked and stared for a long time.

“Careful, you're gonna get drool all over the place.” Chloe then snapped out of it and took a seat next to Beca. She cleared her throat and started on Beca's left hand.

“You guys… you uh-look very beautiful…” Stacie could see the blush rising on both of their cheeks and she knowingly grinned to herself that whoever it is Beca found, she was a good choice.

“Uh-thanks, Chlo, you too-I mean! Um…” Stacie watched them interact with each other over the course of two months, if she hadn't know any better she'd say that this redhead is totally flirting with her sister, and that was fine by her. It was time Beca settled down.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you ready?”

“No, but we have to go anyway so come on.”

 

……

_“I'm tired of this nonsense, Stacie, that's enough.”_

_“Believe me! Believe me, mom!” Stacie threw her hands in the air in frustration and she screamed at both of her parents._

_“Stacie Lane Conrad, you stop that!” Her mother slammed her hand on the table and her father continued to sit in silence. “Nathaniel might not have wanted the same things that you wanted, but that does not mean you can drag his name through the mud!”_

_"He's not the one getting dragged through the mud here!" She screamed so loud her face was turning bright red and she was sure the Parker's could hear them from nextdoor. "I'm getting dragged through the mud, you don't know what it's like for me!"_

_"Well, you should have thought about that before you made your decision."_

……

 

Stacie shuddered as she remembered the day her parents abandoned her. They never fought for her, and after that night, Stacie made the plans with to leave right after graduation without looking back. The only reason she came back was for Beca because she promised her, and she will always follow through with her promises. She exhaled slowly and she rang the doorbell. Beca stood behind her, her eyes were focused on the rose bush underneath the window, she could hear her mother and father bickering inside. Probably about her. It was the biggest and oldest Victorian house on the street, they were one of the wealthiest families in Westchester, and definitely the most attractive of families, they even had a white picket fence. Everything was perfect, until it wasn't. “Hi, honey, how are you?”

“I'm good, daddy, thank you.”

“Miss Mitchell, it's nice to see you again.” They walked into the foyer and hung their coats, there was the same chandelier hanging from the ceiling and below it was a round table with a large assortment of flowers. The staircase was covered with a rug, and the wood shined, it had probably been waxed earlier in the week. It was a beautiful house, but the people inside were nasty and ugly.

“You too, sheriff.”

“I'm just Vincent here.” they walked through to the living room to get to the dining room where her mother sat on the side of the head of the table.

“Hello, Stacie.”

“Mother, always a pleasure.” her mother only hummed and continued to drink her wine. Stacie took her place at the table across from her mother, beside Beca.

 

* * *

 

 

They ate their chicken in silence, for the most part, aside from meaningless small talk, prentending not to loathe each other. “Rebeca, I heard about your father, I'm sorry to hear that.”

“Oh, it's alright, Mrs. Conrad, thank you.”

“How did he die?” Stacie looked at Beca's shocked face, her mother has barely said more than two words during their meal and all of the sudden she is conversing with her best friend.

“He uh-fell down the basement stairs.”

“Drinking, I assume?”

“Mother!”

“Lindsey!” Stacie and Sheriff Conrad scolded her for asking such intrusive and unnecessary questions, especially about her father, regardless of whether their relationship was rocky or not.

“What? I'm just curious, Lord knows David had a drinking problem.”

“To answer your question-”

“Beca, you don't have to answer that.” Stacie put a hand on Beca's forearm and glared at Lindsey.

“It's okay, Stace.” She nodded once and Stacie straightened put her back and stared across the the table. “To answer your question, Mrs. Conrad, he was drinking and he did have a drinking problem, so…”

“That's too bad, but really that man had a lot of issues, he has since your mother left.”

“Yeah. He does... he did...” Stacie could not believe her mother's behavior. She wouldn't say anything to Stacie, but she was trying to stir the pot with her nosey gossip about Beca's dead father and absent mother.

“I've even heard a few rumors about him being quite the pervert…” she leaned across to Beca to whisper.

“Yes, well rumors are rumors mother, let it go.” She warned in a stern and menacing tone. “It's not like _you'll_ fight on anyone else's behalf.”

“Only when I'm on the clock, Stacie.”

“Oh, so that's what I should've done, paid you three hundred an hour to get you to at least even _pretend_ you're my mom?” Her voice was aggressive and angry, she crossed her arm and she rolled her eyes with a huff.

“There was nothing to defend, you need to let that go.”

“Nothing to defend?” Stacie stood from her chair and Beca looked at her with panicked eyes.

“Stacie, don't-”

“There was everything to defend, mother! Everything! I'm your daughter, from the very second you decided to keep me, _you_ made the decision to protect me, when have you ever?”

“Stacie, that's enough!”

“No, it's not! I'm not just one of the cases that aren't worth following, I'm not a price, and the money you actually have is never enough for you!” She knocked over her chair walking away to the foyer. “And you know what? I expected more from you! You of all people were supposed to be the one to defend me… but I guess not.”

“Stacie-”

“Goodbye.” She walked out of the room, she didn't care if Beca was following, or if her parents had anything else to say for themselves. She was done and no one was ever going to fight for her. She was on her own.

* * *

 


	31. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WARNING!!: 
> 
> !!!!EXPLICIT MENTION OF RAPE AND CHILD ABUSE!!!!
> 
> If you are sensitive to such topics, I strongly recommend skipping over this chapter. If you find any mention of rape, sexual abuse, or PTSD, triggering please don't feel like you must read the chapter. Be prepared.
> 
> https://centers.rainn.org
> 
> 800.656.HOPE(4673).

* * *

“Hey, Beca… maybe we should slow down on the drinks…” she felt Chloe squeeze her upper arm lightly and she looked into her eyes seeing nothing but concern in the two pools. New Years Eve, it was supposed to be a happy time, celebration, drinks, laughter, and all of that festive stuff. After dinner with the Conrad's, the first thing Beca wanted to do was go to Low Places, there was booze and music. Not much more she could ask for.

 

_“What? I'm just curious, Lord knows David had a drinking problem.”_

 

“What? I'm fine! Don't worry about me!” Beca knew that even if she told Chloe not to worry about her, she would. Chloe was so good like that. Beca wondered what she could've done to deserve people like Chloe in her life, but then she remembers that no one is like Chloe. Chloe is Chloe, and she walked into her life totally out of nowhere, ready to save the day.

She knew it was too early to tell and that she shouldn't get so attached, but she could fall for someone like Chloe. Or she could fall for Chloe. It was only a matter of time. “I'm gonna go do the song now!” She was slurring and talking way too loud, maybe Chloe was right about the drinks, but Beca would never tell her she's right because she always gets this smug grin on her face and it makes Beca just want to kiss it off.

 

* * *

 

 

……

_“You sure your dad's not gonna kill me for bringing you home so late?” Beca hesitantly answered. She would just hope that he was asleep already, if she was lucky. She nodded anyway and smiled._

_“No, no, you're fine, thanks.” She got out of the car and leaned down to the window. “G’night, Ashes.”_

_“See you tomorrow.” She watched Ashley drive away, and she waited an extra few minutes until she actually walked into the gate. Grotto was waiting by the door, his bowl was empty, she shook her head as she filled both of them with food and water. Her father was snoring somewhere past the kitchen, she rolled her eyes and she ruffled his fur before walking upstairs._

_It seemed like David wasn't awake still, she was in the clear. She walked into her room as quietly as she could and she turned the knob all the way before closing the door completely, waiting to hear the little click. She looked around her room, dimly lit because of the one lamp she had for her desk was always on._

_She shed her layers, starting with her beanie and gloves, then her blue scarf and black pea coat, her shoes, she was about to take off her shirt when she saw David standing in her doorway. “Oh!… I didn't know you were up…” she still had her fingers gripped on the bottom of her shirt, frozen in place. She watched her stare at her, drinking his beer, and looking at her with an expression of disgust._

_“You would know if you came home on time.” He stepped her further into her room, making her step back on instinct. He was already too close for comfort, she just turned around to put away her dirty clothes. “You hear me, little girl? You need to show up on time!”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“While you were out whoring around-”_

_“I wasn't.” She just wanted him out of her room, he's already overstayed his welcome here in her only place. She was uncomfortable and scared, and he needed to leave. But she wouldn't tell him that._

_“Don't fucking give me that bullshit, Lori!” Him calling her by her mother's name was never new. It happened most nights she'd break a rule or he would just get bored of yelling meaningless things to her. He'd started trying to recreate the same fights with Beca, but he only grew angry when she didn't know how to comply._

_He lunged at her, abandoning his beer, letting it fall onto the floor. He had his hands wrapped tightly around her wrist and she struggled to get off, she was pressed between him and the wall next to the window. He forced his hand underneath her shirt and tried to rip it off, when it wouldn't remove itself from Beca's body, he pushed her onto the bed, pinning her to the mattress._

_“You're hurting me, stop!” She cried out, as soon as the yell left her throat he got her with a blow to her stomach and the side of her ribs. “Stop!" She sobbed the rest of her pleas and screamed as loud as she could. "No! Somebody_ _help me, please!” He forced her shirt up and he pulled down her pants halfway, she kicked and screamed, no one was coming, she could hear Grotto outside, barking._

_“Somebody help!” He smacked her with the back of his hand, leaving the skin on her face with a red mark that burnt even worse after contact. She watched him undo his belt, she watched the way his disgusting tongue peeked out of his mouth, she couldn't move, but when he finally got it after fumbling so many times, the look in his eyes was gone. Like there was no longer a man there, just the shell of one barely holding it together. He'd moved toward her, but she kicked away and tried to reach for the blinds to open them. “Help!”_

_“Shut the fuck up!” he grabbed her by her hips and forcefully yanked her back to where he was at, causing her to smack herself right on the bridge of her nose on the window sill. It felt like rubbing rubber against an open wound. It felt like someone was trying to hollow out a cantaloupe, scraping at the insides until there was nothing, but the ugly rind. He was emptying everything, and all she could do was lay on her stomach with her hands pinned behind her._

_When he'd finished, she heard the jingle of his belt buckle carry out through the house, he didn't bother cleaning up his appalling and sinister mess, he'd just left her. She'd gathered the strength to run to the bathroom, locking the door and propping a chair against it._

_She heaved all her stomachs contents into the toilet and she ran a bath. She had to get him off of her, she had to get everything off of her. Just for a second she wondered what it would be like to treat someone like nothing, like they were nothing. Nothing became an overused word, but the way Beca saw it was that it was true. She was nothing._

……

 

“Okay, hey Westchester!” The bar cheered, she felt her heartbeat hammering against her pulse point, there was sweat dripping down her neck, and the room was hot. “I'm gonna sing you guys a song, it's about some bullshit, are you ready?” They screamed and she could feel her chest heaving, trying to stay breathing.

“You okay, Cooke?”

“I'm fine, play the fuckin’ thing!” Rig looked at her, shocked by her command.

“Okay.” he began to play the bass notes, the drummer following behind as they began the intro to the song she wrote so many years ago.

 

……

_“Daddy, I wanna go play with Stacie!” Six year old Beca whined._

_“You don't wanna stay here and play with me?” She looked at him with bright eyes and looked up at him._

_“Play what?” she crossed her arms and he crouched down to her level._

_“It's our animal game remember?”_

_“Animal game?” She said excitedly, only concerned with the animal aspect of the game._

_“Yeah, but first animals don't wear clothes, silly! You gotta take em’ off!” He leaned in to whisper to her. “This is our little secret, okay?”_

……

 

“Cooke?” She looked at Rig, who was very worried that she wasn't singing and just standing there. She cleared her throat and she began the song.

“I heard she's been giving herself to a man that she doesn't know. And his chest like a bullet proof vest on heart never let it show. She asked the man, as she reached for his hand, why he liked living so alone? He put his finger to his lips like this, and he turned up the radio,” she puffed out a few breaths, but each time she felt more panicked than before, she just inhaled deeply and she looked down for a moment before turning back out to the crowd.

“And let the band play!” She let out a howl, getting a rise out of her audience, causing an uproar of applause. “Oh, he let the band play.”

 

……

_“If you wouldn't be out with your whore friends, like your whore mother, I wouldn't have to treat you like a whore!”_

_“I'm not a whore!” He smacked her across the face with the back of his hand, she could taste the copper swimming around in her mouth._

……

 

“She was a dime in a dozen heads flipping off the boys who were chasing tail.” She looked across, but she couldn't see anyone she knew, she couldn't see anything. She felt like she was just gone from everything. “Like some neighbor, some so nice to meet ya, he could swallow her like a pill. She couldn't think too pretty in pink, so he locked her up in a jail. She learned quick no acting like this, how'd you get like this? Why'd she listen what the man say?”

They hit another loud beat and guitar riff, she clenched her eyes shut trying to force away the feeling of everything. “Oh, and let the band play. So let him drive you wild, pour a little bit more. Oh... and let the band play, and let the band play.”

 

_“I've even heard a few rumors about him being quite the pervert…”_

 

“And now she's torn apart with his liquor and a broken heart.” She sang softly into the mic, she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. “Now she's torn apart, she should've listen what the man say.” They stopped for one more second before going into the final lines of the song. “And let the band play.” She howled again, but when she opened her eyes she could've swore she saw Lori Mitchell. This was all her fault. Why didn't anyone save her?

 

_“Where you goin’, huh?”_

 

She opened her eyes again and all she saw was red. “Oh you lazy, no good, deadbeat, lying, awful piece of vile fucking scum,” she let her angry voice ring out into the microphone, the band still playing behind her, and the crowd thinking that it's part of the song, they cheered in such an oblivious and clueless way.

“You fucking downright piece of shit, I'll spit on your grave, I'll make you suffer, I'll massacre you, you fucking bastard, vile piece of shit, I'm coming for you, you hear me? I'm coming for you! I'm coming for you!” She could see her group coming up to her from the stage, she looked at the few guys playing behind her, the rest of the crowd thinking it was a normal performance, but little did they know that this entire night is a throwback to a miserable and unfortunate little girls story. Beca dropped the mic and she made a run for it in the first exit she saw.

 

* * *

 

 

She got out to the cold air and she leaned against the side of the bar, she could feel the vomit coming up and she closed her eyes, and focused on the snow falling on her. “Beca, are you okay?” She heard Jesse's voice and then his hand was on her shoulder, she saw the look in David's eyes behind her eyelids.

“Of course you're here right now!” She opened her eyes to look at him, he looked like he might’ve been approaching a wild animal instead of Beca. “I don't need your help, okay? Can you back off?”

“Beca-”

“Go away!” She reached into one of the crates and started throwing bottles at him. “Go!” He ran and she sank down on the side of the building, she closed her eyes. “I'm nothing.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this too much?
> 
> Let the Band Play: by Badflower


	32. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short, but this needed to happen before we move on with the story.

* * *

She played with Beca's hair as she laid her head in her lap. Her heart hurt for Beca, it hurt and ached in all the places it used to before she met her. When she had sang that song, it was like she had read every page in her diary since she had ever gotten with Tom.

“Maybe we should wake-” Chloe turned her head quick to glare at Jesse. “Or-or not…” He cowered away and she kept smoothing out Beca's hair. She'd blacked out after running off stage, Chloe found her outside by the dumpster next to a puddle of vomit. She hummed softly to her and then she fell asleep too. She would ask her about the song tomorrow, not tonight. Too sensitive.

 

* * *

 

 

**January 1st**

Chloe woke up, alone, to the sounds of things banging around in the upstairs room. She got up and stretched, feeling sore from the odd position she'd fallen asleep in. From her observations, she noticed that no one was home except for her, Grotto, and whoever it was making noise upstairs. She grabbed the bat next to the refrigerator, and she cautiously walked up the stairs. She'd given it a second thought considering that she hadn't been letting anyone in the rooms, but if this was a burglar she needed to stop them from stealing whatever it was that Beca was left.

She hovered right outside of a room that had it's door wide open, the door knob didn't look usable, it was hanging out of the door, and she could hear the smashing and grunting from inside. She peeked in the door and saw Beca knock the bedframe down with a sledge hammer. “Beca!” When she didn't respond, she realized Beca had her earbuds in. Chloe walked up behind her and shook her shoulder. She turned around immediately, her blue eyes were almost black, they were so dark. Her brow was furrowed, and despite the cold air around them there was a bead of sweat trailing down the side of her face.

There was an intense anger in the air, and if the broken pieces of furniture around her didn't say she was furious, then the absent look in her eyes did. “Beca, what are you doing?” her nostrils flared as her shoulders rose with each heavy breath. She pulled her earbuds out, Chloe noticed how her hand shook violently. Unlike most days, the bright light from outside shined inside the bedroom and Chloe took a minute to look away to realize that she was in Beca's parents bedroom. “Are you okay?”

“It's nothing, I'm… fine.” She turned away from Chloe and she turned her back around.

“No, you're not fine.” She watched Beca bite her lip and consider telling her why she was destroying everything in the room.

“He'll never pay.” She said in low whisper. Chloe was confused, what was Beca talking about?

“What do you mean, Becs?” She stepped closer to her, they were only inches apart, Chloe eased the sledge hammer out of her hand and listened to it drop onto the floor.

“He's gone now, and he's never going to pay for what he did to me.” Chloe gasped and she brought her arms around Beca, who just stood there in her arms.

“What did he do?” Chloe whispered into her neck. Beca pulled away and avoided eye contact. She started walking to the door, and she grabbed for Chloe's wrist on her way out. She led her to the room the next door over. As soon as she saw behind the door she knew that it was Beca's room. It was completely trashed. She stood in the middle of the room, shaking harder than she had been in her parents.

“It started after I turned six…” she said in a shaky voice. Chloe listened, her heart beat a million times a minute, she wanted to know what had happened, but she was too scared to find out. “Lori wasn't here anymore, and it was just me and him… he'd just smack me around or-or-or…” she could see that Beca was having a hard time articulating exactly what, but she could take a guess.

“Other things… I was studying one night at Ashes when I was sixteen, and I got home late… he wasn't too happy about that…” Beca trailed off, her eyes were trained on the closet door, Chloe stood close behind her. “I tried to scream, but no one heard me.” Chloe's hand came down to grasp Beca's after she understood what happened.

“He raped you…” she murmured. She felt like she couldn't breathe after hearing her intense confession. She couldn't understand how anyone could do that to a person, defile them and to break their will that way. Her throat was constricting and she was sure Beca could hear her heart hammering inside her chest.

“Again, and again… it didn't stop, I-I couldn't sleep in my bed anymore, so…” she left Chloe's hand and opened her closet door. There was a pillow and a quilt inside, next to the boxes and underneath the clothes that hung from the rack.

“Beca…”

“No one will ever know what he did, he doesn't get to suffer.” Chloe felt the anger and fury rising in the room, on Beca's end, and hers. She couldn't grasp that anyone would do that, that anyone would intentionally hurt someone, they're supposed to love unconditionally, over and over again. It was disgusting.

Chloe pulled Beca into a hug, and Beca clinged onto her like if she would float away if she didn't hold tight enough. Chloe heard the door open downstairs, and she pulled away from Beca, but clutched her hand as they walked downstairs. Beca was fuming and not in the mood for anyone, save Chloe. The first person Chloe stopped to talk to was Jesse.

“Hey, guys, you good?” Chloe gave a look that seemed to explain that they were, in fact, not good.

“The room upstairs needs to be cleaned out.” He questioningly stared at her and glanced at Beca, Chloe cleared her throat and brought his attention back.

“We need more boxes to-”

“Everything goes in the trash.”

“But-”

“Everything in the trash, we leave tonight.” Chloe was sure that everyone heard, and if they didn't Jesse would inform them so. Jesse nodded curtly and rounded everyone up with trash bags while Chloe and Beca got in the car.

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe watched Beca throw rocks into the river from the hood of the car. When she decided that she was more approachable, she walked up behind her and she patted her shoulder. “You know what the worst part is, Chloe?” She said aggressively. Chloe was very aware of the venom in her voice, but she never once shed a tear or showed any remorse of all the curse words she'd been throwing around.

 _“She_ left me here with him... She just... left. She was long gone with other plans,” She laughed bitterly and launched another rock into the water. “But for some _goddamn_ reason, I hate myself for it.” She said in a lower tone before another rock was thrown. Chloe just stood there. _Just tell her._

“I-I know.” Beca stopped and she turned to face Chloe. “I know, you hate yourself because you didn't do anything to make it stop, and you-you were so scared, you'd rather die before you told anyone.” Beca dropped the rock in her hand and turned completely toward Chloe. “I-I spilled some wine at a dinner party, and-and he laughed it off, but the next day I had to explain why the left side of my face was swollen.”

Chloe took a step closer to her. “I didn't iron his shirt before work and I called in sick for two weeks because my ribs were bruised.” she stared into Beca's eyes. “And I know that it sucks, not being able to love yourself.” Beca just looked at her, and then she was swept into a hug. She assumed there was something she wanted to say, but nothing was said. But it definitely felt like they already were.

* * *

 


	33. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I keep disappearing guys, but you know life happens. But I am working on writing more, next chapter will be better I promise. 
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

**January 23rd**

Telling Chloe was the easier part. Remembering everything about it wasn't. With all of her emotions heightened, she found it harder to contain sudden flashes of anger or anxiety. It was getting harder and harder to ignore that part of her life after repeating her secret to the third person, literally ever. Technically the second because Beca didn't tell Stacie, she figured it out on her own.

She never went into detail with Stacie, but with Katherine, Katherine wanted every gory detail about everything surrounding that traumatic experience. She told her what she was thinking, what she felt afterwards, what exactly he had done because it wasn't just molestation anymore, it had been rape for the next two years following. It was a whole different type of trauma.

“Come on, Grotto.” Her dog followed in her strides, leaving his paws in the snow. It had been twenty-two days since they'd gone to their hometown. She left with three phone numbers and different variations of 'Don’t be afraid to use it.’ from Jessica and Ashley, and Benji. They tried to make light of their drive out, considering that their hometown had a toxic effect on both women, by doing karaoke in the car again like they had in their drive in.

They got Beca to sing Ace of Base, which she won't admit to, and Taylor Swift, which she also won't admit to. It'd been easier. Being back home, actually home not the Mitchell house, was better. She didn't really pay attention to the smallest details of her apartment until she got back. Like the way it smells inside. It smelt like cinnamon and pumpkin chai, thanks to Chloe for the scentsy she had hooked up shortly after receiving it on Christmas.

By the couch, there was a soft scent of laundry detergent and dryer sheets from when Chloe washed all of the blankets before leaving so they'd have fresh sheets when they came back. Her room smelled slightly like cigarettes, but mostly of her perfume and her clean bedsheets. Now as she walked through the door she smelled something other than microwave burritos.

“Hey, Becs, come taste this!” She unhooked Grotto’s leash and he padded off into the living to his dog bed next to the bookshelf. She sauntered over to the kitchen, Chloe was wearing one of the vintage aprons she'd gotten from Katherine. She licked the red sauce off the spoon and nodded with a thoughtful frown.

“Could use some salt.” Chloe pouted a little and went back to the stove.

“How was work?” Beca shrugged out of her coats and scarf.

“The same, but Mr. Phellone was asking for you, I think he might have a little crush on you, Chlo.” She teased. Chloe spent more time working at Ruth's, she'd gotten close with a few regulars, but who wouldn't? Chloe is literally the most sun they get all year.

“Jealous, Becs?” She rolled her eyes and sat at the table. She propped herself up on her elbows, closing her eyes, but she saw the image of her drunk father standing at the foot of the table. Her body was rigid and her jaw set, she didn't realize that Chloe had still been talking until she stood in front of her.

“Beca?” she bent down to peer into her eyes. “Did you just hear what I said?” She feels guilty for having these heavy moments while trying to move forward and just forget altogether, but then she's forced to remember that Chloe knows. She hates that she knows, she shouldn't know what it is to want to scream until she's numb and the pain is unnoticeable. She shouldn't know what it's like to feel like this. She wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy.

“S-sorry,” she manages to choke out in an uncomfortable laugh. “I-I didn't, but I'm gonna go take a shower.” Chloe just nodded, and moved out of her way.

 

* * *

 

 

She didn't understand why she was still being affected by that part of her life. She thought maybe she'd blame it on the ashes in her closet. Or maybe it's stress. But as they sat on the couch watching old reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel air, she realized something not big, but so small and unnoticeable. “What?” Chloe asked curiously from the other end of the couch.

She knew Chloe could probably hear her heart beat, but she looked at her, and she felt like she got punched in the chest. She made a mental note of when Chloe looks her best, and that is when she is wearing her lazy clothes. A sailboat sweater, and some black sweats, with her red curls jutted out in different directions. She likes the sleepy smiles and the yawns, or the way she sometimes makes small whistling noises when she sleeps. Beca pushed away the thought of her family problems and admitted what was on her mind in the heat of the moment.

“You're beautiful.” Chloe's face immediately turned red, she sent a shy smile her way. She smiled at her, she could feel the ice melting.

“Thanks.” Chloe said before a yawn interrupted her “I’m so sleepy.”. Beca watched her, she dozed off shortly after. Beca walked over to the recliner, she curled into the blanket and tried to chase sleep, but it wouldn't come. She rolled onto her back and stared at her ceiling for a while, she looked over at her satchel and the rolled the other way facing Chloe.

She got up and pulled an orange prescription bottle from her bag. She poured three little pills in her hand and drowned them with the rest of a water bottle that sat on the counter. She walked back over and laid back on the recliner, her eyes slowly closed, and everything was black again.

……

**“Somebody help!”**

…...

She opened her eyes and she was looking directly at Chloe, who was still sound asleep despite the discrepancy. She was panting, the sweat was making her t-shirt stick to her body. She closed her eyes for a minute and laid on her back and felt the vent blowing cold air her way. She was hyperventilating, her hands quickly went through her hair and the panic shone through her face. “Becs? Beca, it's okay, you're okay.” Chloe looked at her and she wrapped Beca in a tight embrace. She let go and tried to breathe away her sudden anxiety.

“Sorry, sorry.” She sat criss cross on the recliner and held her hands together to stop the shaking. She looked at the time, it was half past midnight. She sighed and put on some shoes from the floor.

“Where are you going?” Chloe asked curiously.

“For a walk.” She grabbed Grotto's leash and looked at Chloe. “Wanna come?” She nodded and slipped on her shoes. Remembering was hard, but it was easier with Chloe. Everything is easier with Chloe.

* * *

 


	34. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a while, I know. This is short but definitely worth your while.

* * *

 

**February 2nd**

“I’m fine, Katherine, really.” no she wasn't. She was anything but fine actually, she hadn't slept in days, or eaten. The nightmares won't stop, neither will the attacks, so if she just doesn't sleep then they won't happen right? Wrong. They're worse, she constantly feels like her heart is going to explode in her chest, but no one needed to know that.

“Beca-”

“No, really, Kat. I'm fine, things are better, I'm just a little on edge.” ‘A little’ is a massive understatement.

“Well, Beca, if you would've listened instead of _rudely interrupting me,”_ she lowered her glasses and stared pointedly at her. “I was going to suggest something, have you ever been on any medication?” _not any that's been prescribed._

“No.” She knew it was wrong, she shouldn't lie, she's been lying to Katherine for a whole year about everything. Even how she met Chloe. But what did it matter? “No, I haven't.”

 

* * *

 

 

She sat in her car and stared off at the dry cleaners sign across the street. It took her back to when she'd first gotten here. They'd passed by so many of these little shops, all the old buildings in this little desolate town, they made her feel at ease. She looked in one direction and she could see Laguna Burger’s sign far out, she looked in another direction and she saw O’Neill's sign, waiting until five for its sign to be illuminated. There was no Fatty's Drive Up there, no Barb's, and no Low Places. This wasn't Westchester, but while her mind was aware of that, her senses weren't.

Maybe she'd consider Katherine's offer. She pushed her thoughts aside and pushed open her car door. She heard the gravel crunch with the snow, the groundhog saw his shadow so that makes for another six weeks of winter. She shivered as she walked through the dirt parking lot of Ruth's. When she got to the mat outside, she wiped her feet four times before pulling the door open and walking inside.

The smell of pie and the warm air wafted toward her as she stepped in. She spied Chloe behind the counter taking someone’s order when their eyes met. Chloe’s smile seemed impossibly brighter, while she kept her attention on the customer in front of her, she shot Beca a wink before turning around and putting the order up. Beca sat at the corner seat, Chloe turned around to face her with a great big smile, her notepad out in case Beca wanted to order something. “Hey, Becs.”

“Hey, you about ready to call a quits?” Chloe nodded and started undoing her apron from the back. She opened the small hinged door on top of the counter for her and waited for Chloe to walk out. “How’d it go today?”

“It went great, it went great, how was your session?” Beca stiffened a little, but she hoped Chloe wouldn’t notice. She’d maybe consider telling her if she decided on the medication.

“It was… good.” Chloe smiled when Beca walked around to open her car door for her, Beca didn’t even register that she was doing it until the door was closed. She finds herself doing little things like that often, like holding doors open, or not letting her walk on the outside of the sidewalk.

It’s like she’s on autopilot sometimes, but she didn’t mind if it Chloe kept smiling. As Beca drove, she could see Chloe in her peripheral vision, drawing foggy stick figures on the window, and she smirked and smiled to herself. 

“You okay, Becs?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…” she trailed off, her voice was low and melancholy, she wasn’t convincing Chloe at all. “Just… overwhelmed is all.” She didn't think even the tiniest bit of truth would fall from her lips in front of this cheery woman, but low and behold a small detail had been revealed.

“I'm here.” Chloe said warmly, shooting a smile Beca's way. The thought of the medication came up again and she thought maybe she'd tell Chloe. Soon.

 

* * *

 

 

The shot in her mouth is bitter and unforgiving, the tequila left a trail of fire on its way down her throat. She kissed her teeth and cleared her throat, she dismissed the beating heart in her chest and the tight coiling feeling in her stomach. She sat at the bar and stared far off into nothing, the Xanax taking full effect on her, creating a fog around her, making her heart slow, stopping the sweat from forming in her closed fists.

She had a knack for performing at the pub, usually, the hype she came off stage with was positive and welcoming, but the one she had been experiencing had put her mind under the illusion that she was drowning. She looked over to her left, she saw Chloe laughing with her friends, despite the steady pace of her heart, it skips a beat at the way her head is thrown back in laughter. Then her eyes met Beca’s, she stared for an eternity in a minute until she realized someone had been talking to her. “I-I’m sorry, what?” Emily laughed and she shook her head, she tilted her head and gave her a lopsided smile.

“Who was your first kiss?” She tensed for a moment, feeling everyone’s eyes on her, waiting for the answer. She felt a warm hand slip onto her knee, and a thumb moving back and forth on the curve. She glanced at Chloe through the side of her eye and she looked nervously back to everyone else. She tapped her fingers along the wood of the bar, she made small circles in one spot, liking how the smooth wood felt under her fingertips.

“Benji.” She said simply, hearing a gasp from everyone, she saw how Emily’s jaw clenched, before releasing and laughing with everyone else. The hand on her knee stilled, she automatically craved the warmth of intimacy again.

“What?” Jesse screamed, Luke laughed, and everyone had been in shock. “When?” Beca sighed wistfully and smiled.

“When we were eight.” Beca took the new shot that was slid her way. “We were having a snowball fight in Wickers Park, he threw a snowball, and when it hit me I slipped and scraped my cheek, and he kissed it to make me feel better.” Benji had always been good like that. She made a mental note to invite him over sometime, she missed his dorky antics. Everyone burst out in laughter, Beca smiled and looked around at their laughing faces, the hand on her knee drew lazy patterns on the bone, she saw Emily sigh in relief.

“No, Beca, like a _real_ kiss, like, on the lips.” Jesse explained. She didn’t have to think of her answer.

“Oh, no one.” this elicited gasps from everyone, and the lazy patterns on her stuttered and faltered under the confession.

“No one?” Jesse asked unbelievingly.

“No one.” she shook her head and she stared at everyone’s surprise. Jesse stood from his seat and trotted over to where Beca and Chloe sat, he took the vacant seat next to her.

“I cannot believe this, you have never kissed anyone? At all?” she shook her head and laughed, the hand on her knee stopped again, and slightly tensed in his presence. She leaned her back on the back of the stool, she could still see Chloe in her peripheral, she had been scowling at every word coming out of Jesse’s mouth. “I think that should be changed? What does everyone think, huh?”

“Yeah, I think she could use some experience,” Luke said from behind the bar.

“Get it, B.” Beca rolled her eyes and she looked at Jesse’s boyish grin.

“Majority rules.” he said as his eyes fell to her lips, he started to move forward when two soft fingers grasped her chin, turning her face, and locked lips with hers. She closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling of soft lips against her own. Her eyes fluttered when they pulled away, everyone had been whooping and laughing, when she looked directly into blue eyes. Chloe kissed her.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it worth your while?
> 
> Told you so.


	35. Chloe

* * *

 

Her lips are silk petals against Chloes, and though it was a simple and chaste kiss, Chloe felt high. She wasn't about to let _Jesse Swanson,_ the Ringwald freak, kiss her. She wouldn't. She didn't know why she acted so boldly at the moment, but when she heard that Beca had never been kissed it tugged at something inside her, and when Jesse suggested that _he_ be her first kiss she acted upon her first instinct.

She couldn't stand by and watch her only first kiss taken by someone who doesn't care. Someone who doesn't know about her, someone who doesn't _see_ her, see past the wall she put up so she grabbed Beca softly by the chin and pressed her lips to hers, and that was it. That was the kiss that ended everything, she was certain that the sky would fall, and the ground would crack open, it had been the kiss that movie fanatics like Jesse dream about. It was the inevitable 'This makes sense' kiss. But what would happen now?

She pulled away, she felt dazed, and totally infatuated with the way Beca's breath mingled with hers. “Damn, Red, didn't know you swung that way.” Cynthia Rose commented, pulling both women out of their bubble, and back to the group. The group that had just witnessed her and Beca's first kiss.

Everyone was making light-hearted jokes about dipping in the lady pond, but she heard nothing, she just watched Beca through her peripheral vision, wondering if that had been a bad move. She doesn't wonder why she kissed her, she _knows_ why, she has for a while now, but she was absolutely terrified of what would happen after tonight.

“Way to twat block, Chloe.” Luke said jokingly, but when Jesse agreed she glared at him. She was going to say something when Beca's stood up.

“I'm gonna call it a night, guys, see you tomorrow.” She smiled at Chloe, and she saw that there was no uncomfortable panic reflecting in her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

**February 4th**

Beca hasn't looked Chloe in the eye since their kiss. Chloe feels terrible for just taking the only first she had without asking, but it was her or Jesse, and she knows that Beca would never even consider the latter so maybe she did the right thing. She just didn't want Beca to break down, she didn't want all the trauma to come back after one stupid conversation, she was protecting her. But then she considers the small possibility that she had also just been acting on selfish and envious feelings.

It was no secret that she felt the way she felt, of course she didn't voice her feelings during such a difficult state, but she wouldn't deny that they were there if she were asked. Maybe. She'd been so tentative during their second month of friendship, wondering if it had just been because she saved her, or if they were really genuinely there.

On Christmas Eve after spending dinner at Katherine's, she'd given her a bottle of perfume she used to wear in college. Chloe was surprised she remembered the name, and when she heard that she went out of her way to find it she was sure that they were there. But now maybe her bumbling ineptitude ruined everything. Someone knocked on the door, and Grotto began to bark.

“Beca, can you get that?” She continued to knead the mound of dough in front of her. She figured it was Emily coming to work with Beca on a song, she'd been doing that since they've gotten back from Westchester. She and Beca had been in cahoots, conspiring on secret music that no one was allowed to hear, which made Chloe all the more curious, but she decided it would happen, all in good time.

“On it!” Beca called from inside her room. She ran out through the living room, she patted Grotto on the nose to get him away from the door for a second.  “Hey-” the greeting got caught in her throat, she heard nothing from the door, she turned to look at whoever arrived and what was happening. Beca's mouth was agape, and the door was open, she just stared. It was unusual, Chloe stopped her kitchen work and fully turned around.

“Hi, Rebeca.” An unfamiliar voice said from outside the door. “Can I come in?” Beca said nothing and she moved out of the way. The stranger was a brunette woman, about the same height as Beca, chestnut hair, and when she faced Chloe she saw the same intense gunmetal eyes she's been looking into for close to three months.

Beca closed the door, but she didn't look back, and Chloe felt uneasy about the entire situation. She abandoned the dough on the counter and slowly approached her friend at the door, interrupting her staring match with the wood.

“Becs, are you okay?” She whispered, feeling the strange woman's eyes on them. When Beca didn't answer she got closer, not wanting her to hear. “Beca, who is that?” Beca lifted her head off of the door and turned her head slightly to look at her.

“That's my mother.”

 

* * *

 

 

There's no sound in the room, aside from Grotto's panting, and the hum of the heater. Beca hadn't yet acknowledged her mother, Chloe hadn't introduced herself seeing that she too was to blame for a lot of things. “Why are you here?” the question startled them both, it was born out of painful silence, she could hear the razor sharp edge in her voice.

“I… your father-” Beca glared over her shoulder, causing her mother to wince inwardly. “David left me in the will, I met with Gail, and I tried to call-”

 _“Why_ are you here, Lori?” Beca growled through gritted teeth.

“It's been years, and I wanted to-”

“To what?” Beca yelled. “Be my mother again? To raise me and teach me how to put on makeup, or how to use a tampon?” Beca scowled at the woman in front of her, Chloe watched from the side in front of the bookshelf. “What _the fuck_ do you want?”

“I want to say sorry, Rebeca."

“It's Beca,” she said coldly. “Sorry doesn't fix how fucked up I am.”

“I didn't mean to hurt you, Beca.” Chloe was furious. How dare she just walk back into her life and apologize?

 _“You_ didn't hurt me, you would've had to have been there for that.” Beca said bitterly, walking past her and into her room without looking back, Grotto following in her strides. Chloe was now alone with Lori Mitchell. She watched her dejected face with disgust and watched her rub her teary eyes. She had just opened her mouth to ask her to leave their apartment when Beca came back with a shoe box in her hands. “Here, take it and go.”

“Beca-”

“Get _the fuck_ out.” she made no effort to move, she just stood there. Beca's hands were shaking, Chloe could see the tremors all up and down her body, she was in the verge of a meltdown, and Lori's insubordinate behavior was doing everything to add to the effects. She sighed and passed them both, stopping in front of Beca.

“I really am sorry.” she didn't look at her, she kept her eyes straight ahead.

“No,” Beca said calmly. “You're just guilty.” She said nothing else and Lori finally left. Chloe immediately stood in front of Beca, looking for signs of life when she realizes that Beca wasn't breathing.

“Hey, you're okay.” She tried to soothe the tenseness in her, she put both hands on her shoulders and swiped her thumbs back and forth. “Hey, Beca, you need to breathe.” When she finally let a breath out she walked off to her room and the door closed.

* * *

 


	36. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting somewhere.

* * *

 

**February 10th**

Beca hasn't came out of her room since her mother showed up at her door unannounced. She'd been in her room. Doing what? She was taking pills and drowning herself in her secret whiskey stash. What else would you do if the woman who claimed to love abandoned you with a pervert, and showed up after more than a decade of silence? Everyone was calling, Chloe knocked on her door multiple times to get her to come out and eat, but she never answered.

She literally hasn't spoken since then. It was hard to find words when everything you've wanted to say to a person was finally said. She thought giving her the ashes would help, she thought maybe getting rid of everything would help, but you can't get rid of memories as easy as you can get rid of things. “Beca? I brought us back some Laguna Burger for dinner? You wanna come out?”

Beca can't deny the fact that the sound of her voice is comforting. She misses the redhead, even though she wouldn't have to if she just came out of her bedroom. She rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling, she looked to her right to see the dim light coming in through the curtains from outside. She said nothing and got up, she cracked her back, and she trudged over to the door and opened it.

It seemed as if Chloe had just been about to give up, she turned around fast, and she smiled at Beca. She could see that she was obviously trying to contain herself, she saw the way she bit her lip and she thought of her first kiss. Abrupt, or unwelcome, is how she would have described it months ago had it been anyone else, but things are different now. _She's_ different now, and she has Chloe to thank for that. Chloe made her feel different. She knows why, she does, but she doesn't know how to deal with it first hand. Then there's also Chloe to think about, Chloe was going to get married three months ago, were there any specific rules that she had follow for that particular runaway bride situation? She had no idea.

She hadn't told a single soul, but when one particular young brunette was curious and very attentive to detail, there was no hiding it really. That and Emily watched them kiss only eight days ago, which reminded her she needed to help her finish the song she'd been working on, it was a very refreshing switch where the teacher becomes the student, Emily was helping her with the song's hook, and they'd found it. She just had to get back to work, never mind her current state, if music was her outlet then let her bittersweet brokenness be the plug.

She still didn't speak, she had no idea what to say. Would a 'Sorry that I've been blowing you off to get loaded because I'm miserable and have a pathetic death wish, but thanks for the meal.’ be sufficient enough? No, nothing she could ever say would be enough for Chloe to forgive her, _she_ wouldn't even forgive herself for being so closed off. She was getting better. She unwrapped the takeout sitting at the table, they ate in a comfortable silence, despite the deafening one they've been lately.

Chloe understood, and Beca was appreciative of that. They shared a few stares, they almost conveyed everything that needed to be said without saying it, it had been nice. Until Beca caught a whiff of herself. She stunk. She hadn't said anything, she smiled at Chloe, who only half-heartedly returned it, and walked to the bathroom. Chloe understands.

 

* * *

 

 

She pulled on her shirt and she made her way back out to the living room, Chloe hadn't heard her yet. She could see that the wedding dress she’d arrived in sat in front of her and she stared down hard at the ring that had still remained on her finger. The floor under Beca's foot creaked, Chloe nearly jumped out of her skin and laughed it off. “You scared me, Bec.” She just stared, wondering if this was the part she ultimately broke and collapsed in on herself.

Chloe eventually turned back to her pensive staring, Beca cautiously joined her at the table, making a silent request to occupy the chair to her left, and being granted permission. They'd sat in another silence, but unlike dinner this one hadn't been comfortable. “Mr. Phellone apologized to me today,” she started, Beca said nothing, she only raised her eyebrows to tell Chloe to elaborate on the importance of the topic.

“He apologized for flirting with a married woman.” She laughed bitterly and shook her head. “I told him I wasn't married, and then he said engaged, and I said no, and-” a sharp sob burst out of her, Beca scooted her chair closer and grasped her ring free hand. “I've been here for three months…” Chloe said quietly. Beca’s throat was thick and she felt heavy.

“You want to leave.” She suggested in a raspy and hoarse voice, that being the only thing she's said in six days. Chloe's teary, blue eyes went wide and her eyebrows nearly reached her hairline.

“No! No, no, I don't want to leave, I just… I still remember it, I still remember him treating me like an animal, I remember every bruise, and cut, I want to forget, but I'm stuck.” she continued to sob and Beca pulled her into a warm embrace. Chloe knows, and Beca hates that, but she can't leave her to figure it out alone when she's been doing so much to pull her out. She let go of Chloe, she brought her hands into her own, she looked down at them with reverence. She had long, slim pianist fingers, her nails were always polished and neat thanks to Stacie.

Beca brought Chloe's right hand up to her lips and kissed each knuckle, her cries softened, Beca heard her breath hitch. She brought the left hand up to her lips and she placed a kiss on each knuckle just like she had on the right hand except this time when she reached the knuckle of the fourth finger where the wedding ring lie, she gazed fixedly on the ring, she looked up to Chloe.

Her tears still streamed out of her eyes and Beca silently asked to remove the pretty lie from her finger, to help soothe her pain, to make her aches subside as she felt the urge to do so. Chloe nodded, Beca looked back down at the extravagant diamond, she held the band with her fingertips, and slowly eased it off her with little to no effort.

She kissed her knuckle and made her way down to the tip of her finger, she let it linger on her lips, tears began to fall again, her torso collided with Beca's in tight hug. She felt her tears fall on to the skin at the crook of her neck, and she wrapped her arms around her tighter. “Thank you.” She whispered into her.

“Don't thank me.” She replied, closing her eyes, feeling lighter than she had since coming back from Westchester.

 

* * *

 

 

“I can't undo things, but,” Beca said, walking up to Chloe, who leaned on the hood of her car, staring out at the lake in front of them, Grotto sat at her feet. She held her wedding dress in her hands, she stood in front of Chloe, whose eyes seeked solace in Beca's.

“Maybe I can help fix them.” Chloe only nodded and followed Beca to the oil drum that sat at the edge of the mostly frozen water. Beca placed the dress inside, she pulled a matchbox out from her jacket and struck the first one, illuminating her face in the evening sky, she was just about to drop it in when Chloe spoke up.

“Wait!” Beca stopped immediately, waving the match back and forth to put it out so it didn't burn her fingers. After a beat too long, Chloe cleared her throat. “I… I want to do it.” She'd almost been disappointed, thinking that she changed her mind. She gave her the matchbox and Chloe struck another match, she watched the way the flame dance, it's yellow glow reflecting in her sky blue eyes, her focus shifted to Beca for a second, and then she dropped it into the oil drum, and took a step back, letting the dress burn.

She pulled the ring out from her pocket, she stood in front of the lake and she threw it as hard as she could, Beca watched it twinkle in the sky like a star before plopping into the water and sinking. “I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm afraid too. To move on, to let go.” Chloe said after a minute, her back still to Beca, staring up at the moon.

“Yeah, it actually does seem like it, because you're barely holding it together.” Beca said softly. “I see you struggle, and I hate that you know what it’s like,” she said honestly. “But…” She stood behind Chloe, who was crying silently. “You don't have to be afraid, Chloe.”

“I know.” She hastily wiped away tears and let out a shaky breath. “I just never thought I'd get this far.” She turned around face Beca. “I'm gonna be okay, I am okay now,” she gave Beca a watery smile, the glow of the fire shone on both of their faces. “Thank you.” she hugged her again, she let the emotion and truth and feeling in her words seep in, knowing that this night, that her effort, _she_ wasn't nothing.

“Okay,” Chloe said letting go of Beca. “Now let's go.” Grotto's collar jingled when he got up, Chloe didn't look back, and Beca turned to call out to her.

“Hey, Chlo?”

“Yeah?” She answered without looking back.

“Still gotta put the fire out.” Chloe stopped and turned around.

“Right.” She laughed and smiled fondly at her.  _Soon._ She thought.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering happened to chapter 37 it was deleted but I will have it back up as soon as I can get to my documents!


	37. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So this one may be a little short, unfortunately my previous chapter was deleted because that was the next chapter, so here's this one, and the other one will come soon!
> 
> I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer, you know stress, life, and bleh, I know! Not a good enough excuse for starving you guys. There is _some_ progress, not a whole lot, but definitely _some_ I'll get the other chapter that was originally the 37th chapter up ASAP after I give it a once over for errors and things like that.

* * *

 

**February 14th**

Valentine's day, the most cliché and overrated holiday of the year. Tis the season for conversation hearts and over priced roses, going to fancy dinners and dressing up. Chloe had never been much of Valentine's day type of gal, but she never did mind a small gesture. Maybe a cup of coffee, or foot rub, lunch from her favorite sandwich place, all those little things usually made her smile brighter.

This Valentine's day, early in the morning when she woke up, she was greeted with the lovely smell of bacon and waffles. Beca didn't usually like to cook because of all the dishes and prepping, but she'd made Chloe breakfast for the first time in a long time since she'd moved in. Chloe was moved, she swooned at the thought of waking up to find Beca making _her_ breakfast.

Though to be fair, she could've woke up to Beca clipping her toenails and she still would've swooned, but it's Valentine's day so she doesn't need a legitimate explanation of her swooning. It didn't just make her smile brighter, it made her heart swell and beat uncomfortably, but Beca didn't need to know that. Well, she _did,_ but on Valentine's day seemed pretty lame even for Chloe and Chloe loves cheesy things like love confessions on the cheesiest holiday literally ever.

Things are changing for the better. Sort of. Beca still struggles, the anxiety is still bad but she's getting better at hiding it, but she's been better about admitting that she's having a hard time. She just doesn't ask for help, but that doesn't mean Chloe doesn't try to comfort her with food and laughter.

Chloe is aware that sometimes help and comfort can mean a lot of things, some days it's cracking jokes at the table during a meal, other days it's binge watching until they fall asleep, or just sitting together in a comfortable silence. It can vary from one thing to another, but either way Chloe will be there. “You should get ready.” Beca said after a long drink of coffee. Chloe looked up at her with cheeks full of food, Beca chuckled and handed her a napkin for the syrup on her face.

“For what?” She mumbled through food.

“We're going to Katherine's, I always do that on the fourteenth.” She obviously didn't want to draw attention to the holiday.

“You know you can call it Valentine's day, right? It's not a curse, nothing bad will happen if you say it.” Chloe teased. Beca just good naturedly rolled her eyes and put her mug on the counter.

“Just get ready, weirdo.” She laughed and thought for a second it's not quite the term of endearment she's used to, but it's totally one hundred percent Beca and anything Beca is more than okay with her.

 

* * *

 

 

“And that is why whenever we go to the city, Beca isn't allowed in the PetSmart on Canarsie Plaza.” Emily concluded. Everyone was laughing, Beca just glared at Emily, but Chloe knew she didn't actually mean it.

“I cannot believe you taught the parrots swear words.” Chloe said after catching her breath from the laughing fit.

“Actually, I can.” Don spoke up, joining in the conversation.

“Chloe, dear, can you come help me in the one kitchen?” Katherine peeked her head in the dining room, and Chloe excused herself from the conversation to help. She grabbed a dish towel and started to dry all the pots and pans, making small talk with Katherine. “That Beca, she's just so hard to crack sometimes and I've known her four years.” Chloe nodded agreeingly.

“Yeah, she can be a little standoffish.” She said as she grabbed another plate.

“She’s supposed to call me in case of anything, her prescription, the sessions, and she just doesn't sometimes I just-”

“Prescription?” Chloe asked curiously. “What prescription?” Katherine's face fell and she looked like she'd said something she wasn't supposed, which Chloe is pretty sure she just did.

“I think you should ask Beca about that.” Katherine answered with low voice. The rest of their time in the kitchen was spent in silence.

 

* * *

 

 

She swiped her finger across the glass to finish her stick figure drawing, watching the buildings pass by in the background. Beca had no idea that Katherine let her secret slip, Katherine said nothing, and Chloe said nothing. But she wasn't about to let it stay that way. “Were you ever gonna tell me?” she asked.

“Tell you what?” Beca slowed at the stop sign and turned her body toward Chloe.

“About the prescription.” Beca sighed and started driving again.

“So you heard about that, huh?”

“Katherine accidentally told me, she thought I knew.” Beca didn't say anything else as they pulled into the parking space in front of their apartment. “Please don't be mad.” She said in a shy voice, not wanting Beca to shut her out again. She turned off the radio and looked at Chloe with soft eyes.

“I'm not mad, it's fine, it would've came out if I put it off any longer anyway.” She began. She rubbed her eyes and ran her hand to through her hair. “I was going to tell you, but I didn't know how.”

“Beca,” Chloe said in no higher than a whisper. “You know I don't care about stuff like that, but I-” _I like you._ She stopped the truth from coming out and replaced it with a half truth. “You're my best friend, I care about you a lot.” That caused a smile to spread across Beca's face, it wasn't a smirk or grin, it was softer than that. While her smile was beautiful, she seemed almost disappointed, but Chloe just brushed it off.

“I'm your best friend?” Chloe nodded. “You're mine too.” They spent another few more moments in happy silence, but Chloe couldn't help but notice the glimmer in Beca's eyes. Had they always shone like that? “I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I just… I didn't want you to leave.” Chloe's hand wandered over to Beca's and pulled them into her lap to play with her fingers.

“Becs, I wouldn't leave.” She wouldn't and couldn't. Not because she had a life off somewhere else, but she'd never felt like there was a thread keeping linked to Beca. She didn't know where it came from or how it appeared, but she couldn't let it go. “And I'm always here for you, even at three in the morning.” Beca laughed at that last part and she grasped Chloe's fingers.

“Thank you.” Her eyes were filled with sincerity and something new. Adoration? Dare she even say love? She'd never just been loved without reason or motivation. "But don't let Stacie know you're my best friend." She joked. Whatever it was, it had Chloe wound up inside, and even though there never really seemed to be a perfect moment to tell her, maybe it won't matter when just that she did.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay or nay?


	38. Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I've finally found enough time to look through and edit, and I can't look at this chapter anymore or I'll cry, so here it is, I've kept you waiting long enough. It's short, but I think it's probably for the best.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

**March 17th**

Chloe’s fourth month at Beca’s rolled around and she couldn’t feel more okay than she’s ever been.  She’d half expected the rest of their days after burning her wedding dress to be painfully awkward and uncomfortable to the point of being asked to leave, but it was totally different but the same. She'd even told Chloe she was her best friend too. The same comfortable atmosphere, but there were different emotions rising up in her. There were times Beca had been caught staring, but she’d never blush, she would just gave a gentle smile or said something sweet or random.

 

_“Hey, Chlo?”_

 

_“Yeah?”_

 

_“Are you glad we met?”_

 

_“Yeah, I am.”_

 

_“Me too.”_

 

She seemed to be in a more calm and certain place than when Chloe had gotten there. She wouldn’t let herself even think of being the reason for that, but a girl certainly could dream. “Em, where’s Becs?”

“She’s getting ready for her set with the others.” she smiled as Emily walked off to where Stacie stood. It’s St. Patrick's day, and when it’s St. Patrick’s day at a bar called O’Neil’s it’s only absolutely necessary to have a huge event. While Chloe sat alone at the bar, she thought of maybe possibly telling Beca that she might maybe be totally into her. Which isn’t totally confusing, it’s not really.

Chloe didn’t really read too much into the whole being into girls thing too often before she’d met Beca. She was curious in college, but not enough to feel inclined to find a girlfriend or whatever. She doesn’t think anything much of it really, she doesn’t leer or anything, but it always circles back to falling for whoever it is you fall for. Love is love, and while she doesn’t know if she’s into girls, she just concludes with that fact that she’s into Beca.

“Happy St. Patrick’s day, everybody!” Beca’s voice bursts her bubble and returns her to the present. Before leaving the house, Chloe told her that since it was St. Patrick’s day she was required to wear green. Of course Beca, who’s wardrobe lacked such vibrant colors, refused and was reluctant to even consider it until Chloe had taken a different approach and put her puppy dog eyes to use.

 

_“I’m only saying for your safety, Becs, wouldn’t want to get pinched now would we?”_

 

And Beca, not being able to say no, gave into the wiles of Chloe Beale and wore green. Not very much green, just green jeans that were accompanied with a white shirt and black mesh-sleeved blazer. It was more casual than it was festive, but Chloe appreciated the effort nonetheless.

“I got a new song for you guys, and I hope you get the message.” she made eye contact with Beca, the gunmetal blue made her gasp and she automatically knew she’d been talking to Chloe.

“I like that you're broken, broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool. I like that you're lonely, lonely like me, I could be lonely with you.” Chloe swayed with the music, and she grinned even wider when she saw Emily join Beca on stage.

“I met you late night, at a party, some trust fund baby's Brooklyn loft. By the bathroom, you said let's talk, but my confidence is wearing off.”

“These aren't my people, these aren't my friends. She grabbed my face and that's when she said: I like that you're broken, broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool. I like that you're lonely, lonely like me, I could be lonely with you.” Chloe felt tears prick her eyes, she smiled at Beca, who returned the smile, she glanced at Stacie who was smirking like a mad man.

“There's something tragic, but almost pure, think I could love you, but I'm not sure. There's something wholesome, there's something sweet, tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet.” Emily took over the chorus and Beca just swayed and danced on stage, but her eyes never left Chloe’s. The music slowed and Beca closed her eyes.

“Life is not a love song that we like, we're all broken pieces floating by. Life is not a love song, we can try to fix our broken pieces one at a time.” when she opened them, the music sped up again and she made her way off the stage, down the center of all the tables, and down to the bar.

“I like that you're broken, broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool. I like that you're lonely, lonely like me, I could be lonely with you.” she grabbed Chloe’s hand and spun her around, the band behind her continued the lyrics as they danced.

“I like that you're lonely, lonely like me, I could be lonely with you.” Beca finished as she bowed her head to kiss Chloe’s hand. When she stood up straight again, Chloe surged forward, smashing their lips together, knocking the breath out of both of them.

“I really like you.” Chloe admitted breathlessly after their lips parted. Though she knew what she felt was definitely something beyond like, ‘like’ would act as a reasonable enough substitute until she figured out what it was.

“I really like you too.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used: Broken: by Lovelytheband
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ifionlyhadmorepaper


	39. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry, it's been a minute since the last update, but I'm glad to be back on track, life has been crazy lately, you know adulting and stuff, but here is another chapter. It's a little angsty, but there's some fluff.
> 
> Enjoy :)

* * *

 

**April 1st**

Beca pulled the blanket down with her feet to protect them from the cold air. She twisted in the armchair, and adjusted her blanket one more time. Her nose started to itch, she felt a prickly feeling right at the entrance of her nostrils, no matter how many times she scrunched it up to scratch her itch, it changed nothing. She relented and brought her hand up to rub her nose, and then her nostrils were full of something wet and cold. “What the fuck?” She sat up quick and saw Chloe bent over, laughing as hard as she possibly could as Grotto barked and ran in small circles. Chloe. Her girlfriend.

“April fool's!” Beca rolled her eyes and squeezed the tip of her nose to stop breathing in whipped cream.

“You're lucky I like you.” She grumbled. She stood up and made her way to the linen closet for a towel.

“Oh yeah?” Chloe's voice dropped an octave and she slid over in between the door of the closet and Beca. “How much?” Beca played along with her game and leaned in. Their breaths mingled and she stared into her eyes for a brief moment before she ducked down to let their lips brush. Chloe's breathing hitched, she arched her back to press more into Beca. She tilted Chloe's chin up with her fingers and pressed her forehead against hers.

“This much…” she let Chloe's lips barely come into contact with her own, and then she brought her whipped cream covered hand to her cheek and rubbed it in. Chloe yelped and Beca stumbled backward to lean against the couch and let a laugh rumble up from her chest, letting it echo through the living room.

“Oh my God, I hate you.” Chloe groaned as she tried to wipe away the offending substance off of her cheek.

“Yeah, I hate me too.” she muttered. Suddenly, Chloe was in her space, standing directly in front of her, her shin was between Beca's ankles, and she forced eye contact with her.

“Please don't say that.” Chloe said softly.

“Why?” Beca looked up at her, even though there were some things she was not ready to discuss, and feelings she didn't want to reveal, she looked Chloe in the eyes with her raw and weary ones.

“Because my girlfriend is so amazing that I can never let anyone say those things about her.” Beca leaned up and caught Chloe in a kiss, neither one cared about the whipped cream on their faces. The little blip in their morning was over.

“Thanks, baby.”

“My pleasure.” Chloe hummed, letting her arms snake around her waist. “You know, I think I could get used to the whipped cream.”

“Oh yeah? I guess it's pretty sweet, huh?” Beca leaned in for another kiss and smiled as Chloe giggled at her dorky antics.

 

* * *

 

 

Jesse traded all the CD’s on Beca's shelf for movies for an April fool's prank. She literally hates him. He patted her head and walked around the bar, laughing even though Beca was obviously irritated with the invasion of privacy and robbery of all her CD's. “Come on, Becaw, take a joke.”

“I hate you so much.” Beca groaned. “I want my shit back, dude.”

“Fine, but at least watch one movie?”

“No.” she found herself getting extremely wound up, but then Chloe's arms wrapped around her middle.

“We've been doing some serious binge watching, so…” it was like Chloe to save her from unwanted social interactions. “You tired yet?”

“Yeah, I think we should wrap it up.” Everyone collectively protested.

“Come on, stay a while!”

“No, no, let her get home, I bet she's got something planned.” Jesse playfully suggested. Beca stiffened, but it quickly disappeared before Chloe could call her on it.

“Night, guys.” She called out. She took Chloe's hand and led them to the car.

The entire ride was silent and Chloe knew that something was wrong, Beca knew that she knew Beca knew, and she knew that eventually Chloe would ask her what was wrong. “Everything okay, babe?” And there it was. Chloe’s voice was shy and timid, as if she could hear the cogs winding in Beca’s head like a music box.

“I’m fine.” She killed the engine and got out, and opened Chloe's door. She let Chloe take her hand and she unlocked their front door. “Hey, buddy!” She knelt down to pet Grotto, she smoothed back his ears and he sniffed her hair. “Missed you too.” she mumbled. As she rose, she spied his empty bowls near the refrigerator. “Chloe, can you fill his bowls please?”

“Okay.” she liberated herself from the layers, and switched on the heater, and plucked a dog-eared book from the rickety shelf in the corner near the window. “Are you sure that everything is okay?” Beca sighed and pressed the heels of her palms in her eyes, creating black and blue spots behind her eyelids.

“Did you…” she sucked a breath of cold air in and looked down at the novel she picked. “Did you want to do it?” the rush of jumbled words made Chloe laugh.

“Okay, what?” she could feel the heat rushing up from the pink skin of her chest to her cheeks. She clenched her eyes shut to prevent further embarrassment and exhaled slowly.

“Did you want to… did you want to do it?” she winced at her awkward words and opened her eyes just a sliver to see her girlfriend’s puzzled expression.

“Do what?”

“You know… do it.” she watched her decipher the question and her eyebrows shot up to the middle of her forehead.

“Oh, like, _‘do it’_ do it?” she nodded shyly and Chloe took a minute to decide if it was a rhetorical question. “Well… yeah, I mean… yeah.” Beca’s face must’ve looked panicked because then Chloe rushed to clarify what she meant.

“Like, but, only if you want and you’re ready, I mean, I don’t mind waiting at all, waiting is what’s best, and I don’t think we’re ready for it yet because, like, this is still new, but only if you’re one hundred percent sure that you want to.” Beca watched and listened to her ramble about being ready and she found it endearing.

She’d never met anybody that considered her so heavily, Chloe was just so accommodating, she never pushed harder than she needed to. “... you don’t even have to kiss me if you don’t want to, I just want you to be comfortable and-”

“Chloe,” she walked over and took her hands in her own.

“Yeah?” she pulled her closer and looked into her frazzled girlfriend's eyes.

“Thank you.” She looked at her with a questioning face and Beca sighed softly. “I want to… you know…” She felt her face turn red as Chloe chuckled softly at her. “Eventually, I trust you, and I want you to know that, but thanks for waiting for me and stuff…”

“I’d wait forever if I had to.” Beca smiled at her and then Chloe leaned in and softly kissed her. Beca revelled in the way their lips fit together, all her senses had just been overcome with Chloe, the smell of her chapstick, and the caramel candy she had at the bar, everything was Chloe.

She ran her hand up into her hair and tangled her finger in red locks and pulled her closer to her. She sighed into their kiss, she felt Chloe’s hands gripping her hips. When they broke apart, Beca rested her forehead on hers. “I really like doing that.” she laughed.

“I really like doing that too.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? Let me know.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ifionlyhadmorepaper


	40. Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Small mention of blood. No one dies, promise.
> 
> Also, sorry for taking forever but I'm hoping to update this story more frequently. I hope this chapter isn't too underwhelming.

* * *

 

**April 21st**

Beca breathed in heavily, feeling the ache in her feet from running so fast and for so long, she’d let Chloe take the car for work so Beca was stuck being a pedestrian for a day. Not that she minded, but as of right now, with her heart beating frantically inside her own chest, she wished she had a car to get to the diner faster. When she saw the big red sign, she breathed in relief, knowing that she was in the home stretch, so she ran as fast as she possibly could. 

She skidded to a stop, bumping the door, not having time to register the fact that she was probably going to bruise, she yanked the door open and launched herself inside. A waitress silently pointed to the end of the counter, where all the noise and yelling was coming from. “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?” she asked sternly, with a serious business voice.

Beca marched right over, and low on the ground behind the counter was Chloe, shaking and sobbing. Her heart ached for her girlfriend, she didn’t understand what was happening, but she knew that she needed to fix it. “This  _ bitch _ took-”

“There is no need for such foul language, sir.” she scolded, knowing she could fold him in half with one swift knee to the crotch. The trucker stepped closer, getting in Beca’s circle of space.

“ _ This bitch _ ,” he seethed, his nose nearly bumping hers. Though his breath smelled like day old coffee and tobacco chew, she didn’t back down from her stance. “Took too long to take my goddamn order, and when I got it, it was wrong.”

“Watch your language, sir.” she warned through clenched teeth. She didn’t have to see to know that the vein in her neck was squirming underneath her skin and that the tips of her ears were bright red. “It was an honest mistake-”

“I want my fuckin’ money back, bitch!” he slammed his fist on the counter, and only then did Beca stop eye contact with the man to look at the Chloe, who was looking up at her, silently begging Beca to stay where she was, but she could still feel his breath falling heavy on her face. She looked at him again, and she took a step forward, like he had in the beginning of the confrontation, and she scowled at him.

“You have five seconds to walk out that door.”

“Or what?” she started taking off her rings and her earings, and she glared at him through her eyelashes.

“I’m not on the clock.” she snarled as she slammed his head onto the counter. The few patrons behind her gasped and the entire diner staff stopped to watch her with wide eyes. She grabbed the burly man by the nape of his neck and rushed him to the door and kicking his behind, making him stumble onto the gravel. His nose was bleeding, staining his teeth, making his spit a sickening red goop. The bell rang more times, as people poured out of the diner to watch the brawl.

Beca crawled on top of him, throwing merciless punches, until all she could hear was the crowd spurring her on, but none of those voices mattered when she heard Chloe screaming. “Beca, stop!” her heart ached, but she didn’t slow her roll, not until her girlfriend grabbed her shoulder and was closer to the danger than Beca wanted her. “Beca! Stop, stop, sweetie.” she allowed herself to be pulled off by Chloe, watching the trucker struggle to get on his feet.

“Hey,” Chloe pulled her away from the crowd and she stood on the step of the diner next to her. “Becs, look at me.” she softly grabbed her chin with slim fingers and stared her deep in her eyes, extinguishing the inferno in her chest. Her eyes were still red from crying and her cheeks were blotchy. Even then, it didn’t damper the natural beauty she had. “Honey, why would you do that?”

“I… you were crying.” she murmured, not wanting to look her in the eye anymore. She was ashamed of causing such a scene in the place both she and Chloe worked, but she also firmly believed that there was a special place in hell for people who hurt her. She didn’t find a gray area when it came to protecting Chloe and letting people know exactly who they were messing with.

“You didn’t have to do that, it was okay.”

“He was hurting you, Chlo.” the whispered words came out with silent tears and Chloe’s soft eyes met hers. “I couldn’t let him hurt you.” she brought her arms around her and she held her there.

“It’s okay.” Chloe dropped a kiss the side of her neck and squeezed her tighter. Her heart beat irregularly in her chest, like it was going slower but faster at the same time, and it seemed like only Chloe could do that.

 

* * *

 

 

Beca sat at their table, letting Chloe take a look at her knuckles. “So,” she wiped her knuckle with rubbing alcohol, making Beca hiss. “What happened?” Chloe looked at her and she furrowed her brow, and looked back down at her knuckles. 

“Baby?” She could see the tears leaking out and she brought her right hand up to cup her cheek. “Chloe, baby, look at me.” She murmured softly. When Chloe made eye contact with her again, she looked so sad and so broken, and Beca just wanted to take it away from her.

“I… the yelling… he was so angry…” She cleared her throat and swallowed, her nostrils flared with the harsh breath she took in. “It reminded me of him…” Beca swiped her thumb and wiped away the tears. “Of Tom.” Beca stopped all movements and just stared Chloe with as much sincerity and safety she could garner. That was the first time Chloe had ever said his name out loud, and she could only imagine the pain it brought her.

“Baby, come here.” She patted her thighs, and Chloe moved from the chair beside her to sit in her lap. She tucked her face into Beca's neck and she wept, while Beca rubbed circles on her back. “You're safe, as long as you're here with me no one is  _ ever _ gonna hurt you, okay?” she nodded and wiped her face. She closed her eyes and dropped a kiss to her hair, holding her tighter than before, as if she'd slip away. She hummed softly and rubbed her thigh. 

When she felt Chloe's breathing slow, she looked down to find that she had fell asleep, safe and sound on her lap. She sighed softly and drew mindless patterns on her back with her finger. Her heart glowed and she felt her chest tighten, like something more than adoration, something that ran so much deeper than that.

 

* * *

 

 

**April 25th**

After a lengthy conversation about the incident at Ruth's, Chloe had came to the conclusion that maybe she should go to therapy to help her work through some things. It would be better for them both, going to therapy, it would help them individually and as a couple. The only thing about that was the little nagging voice in her ear telling her to tell Katherine the truth. 

The woman had done so much for Beca, more than she could ask for and beyond, but she still lied to her. It made Beca sick. And it made Beca even more sick that she was lying to Chloe too, about the pills and the way she'd found her that day they met. She just needed to start clearing up before she lost sight of the one person she didn't want to hurt.

“I think we should tell her.” Beca said, as she set her coffee mug down. Chloe looked up from her plate and slowly set her fork down.

“Pardon?” She said with a raspy voice, still heavily laced with sleep. Beca set her hand on top of Grotto's head, and she rubbed behind his ears to give her something to do with her hands. She swallowed the bitter black coffee spit left in her mouth.

“I think we should tell Katherine before you start.” Chloe just stared back at her with a blank expression and she cleared her throat and thumbed the handle of her coffee mug. “About how we met.” Chloe nodded and began speaking.

“Do… um…” she watched Chloe struggle with the words, she reached across the table and grasped at her fingers in an effort to ground her. “Do you think… do you think she'll be mad? At us?” Beca honestly didn't know how to answer that. She didn't know if Katherine would be angry with  _ them, _ but she did know she wouldn't just let go of the fact that Beca let a stranger stay in her home, without an ask until the information was willingly given up months later, and what had Beca even been doing in that area. All of the skeletons would just avalanche out of the closet, unless:

“I…” She looked into Chloe's vulnerable, sky blue eyes. She found comfort immediately. “I think if we just explain, you know, everything, we'll be okay.” She let Chloe process, and a calm and certain smile took over her lips.

“Okay.” She said softly. Beca brought her knuckles to her lips and kissed them, never breaking eye contact with Chloe.

“Okay.” The feeling was there again, but it was rudely interrupted by the thoughts in Beca's head.  _ Aren't you gonna tell her what actually happened that day? She's gonna be so upset with you. She might even leave you. _

“Becs? You okay?” She shook her head and offered Chloe a small grin. 

“Never been better.” she got up and kissed her forehead on her way to the door. She jingled Grotto's leash and hooked it to his collar. “You coming?”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? Let me know.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr
> 
> https://ifionlyhadmorepaper.tumblr.com


End file.
